What have you given up to pursue transition?  What have you lost?  What has been taken from you?

Cindi

My Children, my family and my career.

Buffy

My purpose.

I would and am very tempted to say Fiancée, but the way things work I really do not think lost is correct. I tend to think things worked out just as they should have.

So far the only thing I have lost is being able to  go to my parents house, as they have said that I am nott welcome there at the moment but hopefully this will change. For me I have gained a lot more than I have lost since beginning my transition.

Hugs
Sharon

My marriage, but it was a welcome escape.

Dennis

Quote from: Buffy on February 24, 2007, 03:39:00 AM
My Children, my family and my career.

Buffy

All except my career, actually my career has flourished

I'm not sure I'd call this my sacrifice because in my mind that says I willingly gave these up to transition. 

1. My three kids.  I really thought they would remember that I was a good father and I raised them the best I could.

2. My marriage and all that went with it.  I had seen my wife and I growing old together, having the kids over and watching my grandkids grow.  I saw us taking trips together and getting to know each other again.  I saw us being by each other's sides through thick and thin.

3. Some of my siblings.  No longer am I included in the family functions.

4. My friends.  This is because of me.  I don't want to tell them because I know how they will react.  And yes, I really do know.  They will at the very best stop communication with me.  So I broke it off instead without having to divulge who I really am.

5. To complete my transition I have to leave the job I've held for 33 years.

6. Casual acquaintances.  The people I've met over the years who I used to run into, mostly parents I've met at school functions.  I'll miss chatting and catching up on what's been going on in their lives.

I lost pretty much everything that's really important to me except my sanity and my life.

Julie

Initially I sacrificed my daughter, but happily we are back together again.  I was very luck not to loose or sacrifice anything.

Steph

Nothing really, my relationship with my father is bad but it always has been.

edit: just remembered one thing my xbox live buddy, I don't play games anymore so i don't particularly care but soon after telling him he took me off his friends list.

I was prepared to sacrifice much in order to pursue transition.

In coming out to my sisters, I've noticed a bit of strain in our relationship, which I hope will resolve eventually.

My youngest sisters' husband won't refer to me by either old or new name, but by 'Hey...'

My father has ignored the obvious clues.  I've not told him yet, which creates an additional strain with my sisters ("Have you told Dad yet?...")

There are those who avoid me at work now.  But as Kimberly said, maybe this is for the best.

But at the support group meetings and TG gatherings I attend, I hear the tales of woe -- the sudden firings/dismissals, the family dissolutionments,  the harassments--

My actual sacrifice thus far has been minor -- even insignificant compared to some of the previous posters.

Did I know what I was getting into?  No, but I knew I didn't know, and I was scared.  Clutching my fear tightly by the throat, I proceeded step by panicked step, afraid of discovery, ridicule, rejection -- and even grievous bodily harm.

You who have sacrificed have met those demons, and now like unwanted companions they accompany you on your lifes' journey.

I wish I could remove your pain

Karen

several members of my family
some [friends]
my dog
my [former] job


not too bad, considering...

It's still early in the process for me.

I have lost / will lose my brother when I go full time.

I have lost my marriage.  Which, as Dennis said, is a blessing in of itself.

I don't know about my mother & kids yet.  THat is this summer.

I am treated like a pariah by people I used to spend time with.  (The rumor is that there was another woman.  THey don't yet know that the other woman is me!)

I am watched continuously by some at work who are looking for any reason to call my morality into question, thus giving them ethical grounds to have me removed as a teacher.

THe relationship I have with many members of the faculty and administration has changed as my future transition is slowly becomming an open secret.

I have given up being the "top dog" in the socio-ecconomic structure of this country to being the lowest rung of the ladder.

+++

What have I gained?

A sense of peace and harmony that has been missing for as long as I can remember.

I have gained my freedom - freedom to be who I truly am.

In this world of political correctness - where we are required to march in step lest we be deemed a terror to the community - we stand like Horatio at the Bridge.  Our courage must be no less than that of the young man who stood before the Red Army tanks as they rolled into Tiannamin Square.  We are bastions of freedom and self-determination.  We claim that we will be who we were created to be, even if it goes against the norms of society.

We ask nothing more than to live our lives as we need to lead them.

Freedom comes with a terrible pricetag.  And it is worth every penny and every tear.

No surrender!

Chaunte

Quote from: Chaunte on February 24, 2007, 01:12:34 PM
(The rumor is that there was another woman.  THey don't yet know that the other woman is me!)

That's interesting! Nearly everyone I told at work apparently assumed my wife had been cheating me... as they knew SOMEthing was wrong, and that was the rampant rumour. Odd though, as my wife is a saint... you'd think the "man" would always be the accused. AND, they said what no one could figure out was why I seemed so incredibly HAPPY about it.

Loss?

I've forever lost relating to the Love Of My Life as husband and wife. True, it was forced in many ways, it created resentment in both of us, and yet... it had it's sweet moments. Some of the most cherished moments and shared feelings I'll EVER experience in this lifetime. That connection - flawed as it was - has been severed now. And I DEEPLY miss being that intimately connected with another human being. We may stay together and find a new way of relating to one another, but that connection is gone now.

Kate

So far I've lost:
My entire biological family with the exception of my kids.

My job, but I got a better one.

My marriage, but that too is welcome.

A lack of stress and excitement in my life


Melissa

I don't consider losses or doors closed. I keep having these dezavu senerios, which are elements telling me that I'm on the right track. Meaning that this is the path I have chosen in a prior life. Not that I chose to be trans, but fixing it is what is putting me back on my path. If that makes any sense.

I have been one of the very lucky ones who have lost nothing to speak of. I know my son won't talk to me, but that is unclear whether it is about my transition or not. I was prepared to lose everything though. I was ready to move on and be alone the rest of my life. All I have is my wife, mom and daughter who are close to me, all the rest I have fleeting conversations at the holidays, but they have accepted me. I don't have any friends that care about me. I have aquaintences at work and at my previous work ( they are not writing to me as much as they use to and when I go to visit they are conviently going someplace and forgot to tell me). I have tried to make friends at work, but get pushed aside. Someday we should have coffee, well if I was holding my breath, I would be dead now. I have been a loner for most of my life, so the rest will be a piece of cake.
Sheila

Lost nothing cause i am not transitioning, on the hand hand may very well have given up everything for not....
I'll find my cliff's edge one of these days!
Ricki

I'm still early in my coming out and I've lost my oldest friend.  We've known each other for the past 16 years.  We attended classes together in University.  He invited me and my wife to his daughter's christening.  His kids called us Uncle H**** and Aunt P******.  I stayed with him at his parent's house when we hunted deer together.

He hardly acknowledges my existance anymore even though we work in the same place only a hundred or so feet apart.

He's a "Christian" and goes to a Baptist church.  I think that's why.

I rather expected it, though, even though I hoped against hope I was wrong.


h

Hi everyone,

I don't see it as losing anything. Things come and go, friendships come and go, marriages break up for a whole host of reasons. I lost more relationships with family members over things that have nothing to do with being TS. The truth is, I have always felt alone. I have never felt like I was a part of anything. A real loner.

I always used to say that I am a loner that hates to be alone. In a way though, I like being alone. I don't like doing things I don't want to do, and with friends and family, one is always forced to do things one does not want to do, out of respect for the feelings of others.

It has always seemed to me that, that respect of feelings, is never reciprocated. When it comes time to do what I want, or care for my feelings, no one is around.

In the strictest sense, I have not really lost much. My marriage broke up, but it needed to anyway. I am now remarried to a wonder woman who totally accepts me how I am and understands that SRS is the endgame. I live my life totally as as woman and don't see myself ever going back. I live with my 15 year old and 20 year old sons, but also have acceptance from my oldest daughter and youngest son, ages 24 and 13 respectively, who do not live with me.

My brother disowned me, but he has issues of his own. I am not feeling a terrible sense of loss, although I did initially feel a deep sense of betrayal. My life long friends have all been ok with things and it has not affected my relationship with my best friend, at all.

I lost my desire to kill myself.
I lost my self loathing
I lost my lack of self esteem
I lost my feelings of worthlessness
I lost feeling like I was living a lie.
I lost the feeling of hopelessness

Those are the most important things I lost.

Love always,
Elizabeth

I lost my wife! We weren't compatible anyhow, so it's better this way. I lost a house, but a house is just a house. I lost a lot of "stuff" due to divorce (still ongoing) and could still lose my daughter (although I really doubt courts would take a child away from a good trans parent and put her with a neglectful abusive parent).

What I've gained is knowledge that I'm not alone, that I don't have to lie, and I don't have to be miserable. I know I'm still in the beginning stages, and a lot of the future is still big and scary... but nothing could stop me save for the safety of my child...

And I have a plan in action to make that a non-issue.