ok well i havent came out to my parents yet im old enough to be on my own but i am unable to be on my own due to cant have a job. but my friends all know about me and are in full support. i just this year started to tell my friends, so before school starts my friend is buying me a binder for me wich i cant wait for. but i dont know what to do beacuse my parents are NOT open to anything like this at all. but we are always fighting beacuse they will mention something bout my body and i will get upset but i cant explain it to them. but this hiding from them is driving me insane and is making me very depressed.but because of their religion and their lack of openness I'm afraid if they find out or anything asked questions about me binding then I will be kicked out.I'm completely at a loss of what to do any suggestions?

Unfortunately, if you're not financially independent and there's a risk of them kicking you out, you have to do your best to make them happy. Are you at school? The only thing I think of right now is to put a change of male clothes and your binder in a bag when you go out/go to school, and change in a bathroom once you're away from them. It's not ideal, but at least you get to present how you're comfortable being while they don't know. But hang on in there, you have friends that support you. That's an invaluable lifeline.

Solobear is right in the fact that because you aren't financially independent, it will be difficult if there is a problem with them accepting you.

I have a few things to add though

You said you're 18(at least that's my assumption when you said old enough to live on your own), so does that mean that you're out of high school? Are you starting University? Looking for a job? I need more information before I can give you my full advice, but just remember we all need time to accept things and find the strength and courage to come out to our parents.

I'm from a VERY homophobic family, and I've felt this way ever since I can remember - only pegging the term for an FTM transgender when I hit around 16. It took me 4 years to go to a therapist and talk about my struggles. It took even longer for me to come out to a friend. When I wanted to go to therapy, I wanted to talk about it with my family so badly that I couldn't stand it, because I wanted them to know who I really was. I was 20 years old, and I was starting to be more responsible than I had ever been in my life. As a student away at school, I wasn't there to witness their reactions. I did it over the phone. Some people do it via letters, some over the phone, some over text message, and some choose to discuss it with their parents as adults. But what every one of these people have in common is, is that we all wonder in the back of our minds if our parents are going to be accepting. Even those with VERY liberal parents wonder this, I'm sure.

However, when I told my parents I was terrified. I was nervous. I was sick. They had just finished their divorce, and things were still edgy(and me being the only biological child of BOTH of my parents, I was stuck in the middle) but I thought - in the case of my own sanity - that I needed to go to a therapist to discuss those issues, as well as some other aspects of my life that I was hiding.

I remember my mom asking me what was wrong with me, and knowing full well that she knew a little bit more about my sexuality than I have ever told her(still not quite what she thought she knew), but she never knew that I had a gender dysphoria. I couldn't tell her, despite that we were getting CLOSE to that discussion. I waited a few days until I was on the phone with my dad. He knew something was wrong, because throughout my life we were always tight. He asked, and I don't know why I chose to tell him first - he was the most homophobic one of my entire family, and the one I fought with for years over such subjects. (He always knew I was a liberal minded person, but he never knew I took it personally when he would hash out ignorance towards the LBGT community.) But I did tell him. He was quiet for a few seconds, and said and I quote "whoa.. bombshell. Wasn't expecting that.". We laughed about it. He isn't ok about it necessarily, but he does understand that it's something that I feel, and that I WILL be transitioning whether he likes it or not. We talked about it. He's read up about it, and tried to educate himself on the matter. He's trying to call me by the name I will be getting my birth name legally changed to. He slips up. He has mentioned in the past(right after coming out) that he doesn't like me talking about it, but then he's went back into supportive mode.

I chose to tell my mother right after this, and she gave me the line "why can't you just be a butch lesbian" because she knew that I had liked girls in the past(not because I told her, but because she's caught me in AWKWARD situations LMFAO) but I told her it had NOTHING to do with sexual orientation, and everything to do with how I perceived myself, and wanted others to perceive me OUTWARDLY. She doesn't understand, and she does NOT like it. She's talked about me behind my back to my father during one of their blow out arguments, but that's my mom. She's already bipolar to the count, and completely ignorant in a lot of matters regarding this, but she also still loves me. She hasn't acted weird around me when we are together, and she accepts me because I am still me.

I told my friends after I told my parents, which is completely crazy - but worth it. I'm a family person. My brother though, he wants to kick my ass after I start on Testosterone just because he wants to make up for lost time. Which is ridiculous considering we've been in a multitude of fist fights before.. eh

The point is, is that you've came out to some people. That takes courage. Maybe you just need to give yourself a little time to tell your parents, and maybe you're ready emotionally, but afraid of being out on the street. Who knows. The point is, is that you aren't ready regardless of the situation.. and until you're ready, you're not ready lol. No one can tell you when it will come, but it will come. Be patient. When you feel like it's a good time to sit them down and discuss it with them, then it's a good time.

I know how hard it is. I live in Tennessee, part of the bible belt. It's a very religious state, and a very close minded state. I know what it's like to be afraid to be who you are; afraid of discrimination and persecution for just being you. It's horrifying.

Despite the fact that BOTH of my parents resorted back to hateful mannerisms a couple of times after claiming to be supportive, I know that they STILL DO LOVE ME. Everyone slips back. You just have to be tough skinned, and get through all the bull->-bleeped-<- that everyone throws at you. When you're arguing with people, most of the time douchebags will throw it in your face. You just have to keep your chin high and know that out there somewhere, is someone that will TRULY LOVE YOU FOR YOU. IF that isn't your parents, then it's not your parents.

Afterall, loving someone is loving who they are - not who you want them to be.

If you aren't ready to tell your parents, then you aren't ready. If you are going off to university, I might consider waiting until you're there to tell them, so that you'll have a place to go(ie a dorm?) in case they want to kick you out, and therefore give yourself a few months to decide where you're going to go. If you go to high school, then as solobear said, try to be yourself there and suck it up when you get home, until you're ready to talk.

My guess is, is that because you get angry about something about your body with them and you guys fight; then they already know something is up.

Ask them if they love you unconditionally, and if you already know the answer - then use that to decide on whether or not to tell them.

Binding around the house isn't very comfortable anyways though. So really, you may not have to do it at home. I only do it when people are coming over, and when they leave, I take it off. I keep my binder on during the day, and it's comfortable enough to do so, but trust me - you'll be relieved when you can get it off.

If they bring it up in a calm manner, talk to them about it. If they bring it up in a hostile manner, dont. Wait until you're out of the house.

I'm sorry that I rambled so much. I can't seem to get my thoughts straight this week. I wanted to share my experience with you, so that you know that you're not the only person with a family like that

But also know, that some MTFs and FTMs have lost their families over this. I was prepared to. I didn't want to, but I was prepared to. My parents had shown though, that they trusted my decision as an adult(ie me getting a tattoo, which may not seem like much to you - but to my parents it was lol) and I was hopeful that they would demonstrate that same courtesy again. They did, and I'm severely blessed. You may not be so lucky; but you also might be. I personally wouldn't take the chance until I was out of the house. As I said, I didn't take that chance until I was away at school.

Good luck.

Quote from: AlexAngel on August 13, 2011, 02:03:54 AM
before school starts my friend ...

If you're still in High School your parents can't throw you out because you have a legal right to reside in the home until you graduate, even if you are 18 years old.  Hypothetically, if you were to contact your local courts family services and petition them for assistance, you most likely would be placed in foster care until you graduated from high school.  But please if you ever fear for your personal safety don't hesitate to call 911 and hide somewhere safe while waiting for the police.

Quote from: stiltsk on August 13, 2011, 07:35:06 AM
I remember my mom asking me what was wrong with me, and knowing full well that she knew a little bit more about my sexuality than I have ever told her(still not quite what she thought she knew), but she never knew that I had a gender dysphoria.

I second that.

ty for the advice and in where i live if ur still in high school they can kick you out once u turn 16 they can and yes the guess was right I'm 18 and I'm not out of high school yet i have another year still, and the collage i will be hopefully getting into is in the same city as i am in now so i would still be living at home. i am trying to get on a welfare due to I'm physically disabled but the idea of putting my binder in a bag and putting it on at school is a good idea. when it comes to guys clothing my parents don't really care because Ive been a "tom boy" all my life. I'm happy my friends are supportive they are even trying to convince me to talk to my schools gssa head teacher. i think if i can get on the welfare then i can move out I'm hoping to be able to do that within the next year or so. and ty for telling me bout your story. i never heard about others that are in the religious homes its nice to know I'm not the only one with that issue.

you have a legal right to reside in the home until you graduate, even if you are 18 years old.

In some places perhaps.  In most I doubt it, and the past 18 would be really hard to win in court.  And what almost all courts would say is to back up your parents and say: Their house, their rules, don't like it?  Leave.

Quote from: AlexAngel on August 13, 2011, 03:23:41 PM
ty for the advice and in where i live if ur still in high school they can kick you out once u turn 16 they can and yes the guess was right I'm 18 and I'm not out of high school yet i have another year still, and the collage i will be hopefully getting into is in the same city as i am in now so i would still be living at home. i am trying to get on a welfare due to I'm physically disabled but the idea of putting my binder in a bag and putting it on at school is a good idea. when it comes to guys clothing my parents don't really care because Ive been a "tom boy" all my life. I'm happy my friends are supportive they are even trying to convince me to talk to my schools gssa head teacher. i think if i can get on the welfare then i can move out I'm hoping to be able to do that within the next year or so. and ty for telling me bout your story. i never heard about others that are in the religious homes its nice to know I'm not the only one with that issue.

I know at 16 you can drop-out of high school and from age 14-16 and up you can legally emancipate yourself.  But if you're still enrolled in a public high school, even if you are 18, for all intended purposes you are considered a dependent.  (Your parents taxes would definitely reflect that too.)  If you were to tell me the state you're a resident of I could provide you with the proper legal section.

Welfare is for people who need financial assistance because they make below the poverty line, not because they are disabled.  If you weren't already receiving some type of social security benefits as a minor (your parents would have applied on your behalf), it's going to be very difficult to just "suddenly" get it at an 18 years old.  You also don't qualify for Social Security disability benefits as you haven't worked long enough, the only thing you would be eligible for is SSI but you'd have to prove that you have a disability that is never going to improve with treatment.  If you're collecting SSI you also can't work, you'd have to make that $670 check stretch the whole month.  Collecting disability or welfare is not glamorous and if you can get by without it, consider yourself very fortunate.

Quote from: tekla on August 13, 2011, 03:31:04 PM
you have a legal right to reside in the home until you graduate, even if you are 18 years old.

In some places perhaps.  In most I doubt it, and the past 18 would be really hard to win in court.  And what almost all courts would say is to back up your parents and say: Their house, their rules, don't like it?  Leave.

Maybe in Kentucky where no one cares what the laws say and people have enough kids not to care if a few moved out, but every state has laws on the book that specifically say you can't abandon or neglect a dependent child or adult.  Keyword here is dependent.  Given that he's in HS, regardless of his age, in the eyes of the law he is a dependent.

It's not about winning anything in court.  It's about using the courts family services.  If he's still in High School he is entitled to such use those services.

the reason I'm applying for the disability is if i get on which i can get on with room and board when I'm living in my parents house because we are under the line lately and as well i most likely will have to be put on welfare anyways because my home situation is abusive so i may just have to leave i know welfare is not glamours i have been on it before. I'm in Canada. and I'm expected to start paying rent at home even tho i  cant get a job. me trying for disability is my last resort which i have come to.

Quote from: AlexAngel on August 13, 2011, 07:07:22 PM
the reason I'm applying for the disability is if i get on which i can get on with room and board when I'm living in my parents house because we are under the line lately and as well i most likely will have to be put on welfare anyways because my home situation is abusive so i may just have to leave i know welfare is not glamours i have been on it before. I'm in Canada. and I'm expected to start paying rent at home even tho i  cant get a job. me trying for disability is my last resort which i have come to.

Knowing that your Canadian does help.  You have something called "tenants rights", your parents would need to give you 30 days notice even if you're not currently paying rent.  Also if you're legally disabled AND living at home supported by your parents, you would be considered a dependent adult and would have the same protections as i.e. grandma.

When you say "we are under the line" that means your parents, not you.  They could apply for welfare to supplement their incomes, but since you are currently in High School, living at home and dependent upon them I don't see this as tangible.  You would have to remove yourself from the home and live independently to apply for your own welfare benefits.  Disability is also not for people who cannot find work, it's for those who cannot work because of a permanent impairment that affects them from performing basic daily living tasks, such as feeding yourself, grooming or bathing.

What I do not understand is why you were not receiving disability benefits before this or why your parents never applied for them on your behalf.

OK i explain i forgot to put a few words in my last reply. my parents wont apply for them self's because they don't want to admit that they are under the line. and i forgot to clarify i was on welfare not for disability before, but I'm on the list for getting disability. i will find out the answer within half a year. my parents refuse to get the help they need for bills. and i haven't gotten disability because my disability came in the past year. my doctors are filling out the paper work to prove the disability. i am not applying on there behave but on mine. and my high school they have been dealing with me like trying to help me with my disability like getting around the school. as well my school has a person i talk to about looking into housing for the disabled so i can live somewhat indapendly.