Like Joelene, I started at 54.  My ex told me once that I was an ugly woman.  Well I would rather be an ugly woman than any kind of a man.

QuoteBeauty is in the eye of the beholder.

And when I look in the mirror, I behold a pretty older woman.

Hi Zoey, please check out my PM to you, still this MORNING!

Also you know what? People can be so idiotic  --  because they don't feel for you, for you as a person, and for WHO YOU ARE. They can be horrid! Often don't even realize it!

My sister in law always had a "thing" for me in boy-guise. She is married to a femme male, not accepting being gay... So now she has dreams about me, vivid as she calls it --- wants me back in boy-mode, NUTS!  Then tells me I AM NOW SO INHUMAN !!!! Hello?!

Babe, you REALLY can't always go by what people have to say about you. I just laughed it off, (not in front of her) she has her own big issues. Let her deal with those. I'm in fact always willing to help her where I can, and still will. Otherwise she is really nice but has a tough time accepting my transition --- yes, it is not easy to do for so many!

The above is just for some more perspective, hang in there AND YOU WILL PREVAIL!

Axelle

Quote from: LilKittyCatZoey on August 17, 2011, 04:57:40 PM
well lets see recently i had a talk with a friend who well put me into reality. she doesn't know about me so i finally got a more accurate description of myself. she pretty pointed out how i have these extremely masculine features like my shoulders are much broader than any other guy my height , my huge Adams apple and large wide hands to name a few. she then went on to state i am lucky i ain't a girl i would look ugly and you know what i can't fight that. i have always been sad tried suicide but am scared of dying which i only realised when trying to kill myself. i simply can't take the pain who am i fooling i am a girl but i will never look like one my whole body is ugly and i am constantly asked why do i hate myself so much and well i just stopped hoping. i have tried but i looked at myself in the mirror and burst into tears, i just can't take it anymore ...

sorry about this i just had to tell someone i mean i lost all the friends i told so i just needed tell someone. please don't insult any grammar issues i typed this in tears .

thank you for reading
zoey the cat lady

Zoey darling I have not seen you.  You have posted a picture but in answere to what your friend says I must reply! "Bollocks!" I've been on hrt for 6 months and the changes are already noticeable,  I was no pretty thing either. I had the ravishes of 44 years of manhood to contend with!  Don't give up give it a try and stick to your guns.  you will never see a cat stop hunting a mouse!  now be a  good girl and see your doctor for HRT

What else can I say,
Never ask advice from an insecure woman?  Cis people generally have no idea of what we are. I'll qualify that, I don't think ANY cis person understands what we are. It is such a way off the wall event for so many.

I'm going to be careful here and people please help me if I stray.

Most woman want to have a family, want to be pregnant and want to give birth, most want to give birth naturally no matter the pain of labour. Why? Because we have defining genes that motivate us to that. How do woman, and I will say cis-woman here, who cannot conceive feel? Most are devastated, OK IVF technology has helped many, but not all, and not in my age group. Do they feel lesser females? From my past life experiences, yes they do. And sadly, their friends who have been successful in conceiving and birthing do feel superior. And from personal experience it is talked about. Bitches can be very bitchy.

So there is an 'unconscious' caste system. You're not a 'real' female so don't bother to try, and gradually that woman is dropped from her group of friends. She can't talk the baby talk so she can't do the baby walk. Bye.

I think you may be getting that sort of response from your 'friend', she is telling you, that you are not a real woman and giving excuses. But you are. She is wrong. Your physical dimensions are totally irrelevant, some of you are saying you are six foot plus tall and look great, no wonder. Have you seen female basketball, netball and volleyball players? You would struggle to get on the team for being too short. Are those woman female? Are they gorgeous, well maybe not in their sports clothes but they sure scrub up pretty. And I doubt any have petite hands 

OK lets look at some problems. You have no friends and are not getting out of the house. Why? It is very difficult to make friends without going out. Solution, you need to find places to go. I don't care about your sexual preference but you may find gay/les clubs pubs a place to start with.  You need to build your confidence up. One step at a time. It doesn't matter if you feel like Attila the Hun in drag, go out and enjoy. The first step is the hardest, and you may find one of the easiest in retrospect.

No one has written a manual how to do this. But we do it.

I think TG people generally need a motto. may I suggest: Never Give In

Cindy 

girls thank you but you making me feel like i am some ungrateful pig see i know my age is a blessing but i don't care much because well nothing goes my way. i have that brain disorder thing they put you on anti-dependants for. but i ain't rich so those or hrt guess which i chose.

anyways thanks i will say each of you brought me a smile . and hey! i am to scared of death to kill myself. i can't explain it really but simply i have given up on life but i can't kill myself

again sorry about my thread i notice its sadly brought up bad memories for some of you sorry

oh and i did have a pm buddy on Susans but as usual i ruined it and lost them so i think it best not to try again

There's nothing wrong with being an ungrateful pig, I would know. (Well, the pig part kinda implies that I'm fat but you know what I'm talking about......)

Quote from: Cindy James on August 18, 2011, 04:02:48 AM
Most woman want to have a family, want to be pregnant and want to give birth, most want to give birth naturally no matter the pain of labour. Why? Because we have defining genes that motivate us to that. How do woman, and I will say cis-woman here, who cannot conceive feel? Most are devastated, OK IVF technology has helped many, but not all, and not in my age group.

I also get really annoyed when women (and ftm's a little bit) can concieve but choose not to, because they were born with the equipment to carry a child and they don't even want to use it because they don't want kids or whatever. Meanwhile I do, but can't because I wasn't born with a uterus or ovaries. I suppose I have it better than other infertile women in that I can still father kids, but it's not the same at all.

After making a joke to my wife, she said I would make one ugly woman becasue I didn't have a feminine bone in my body. There are many thing HRT can help and it will make your shoulders look much smaller when you loose a lot of muscle mass from your shoulders.  Most guys have a lot of muscle in the hands so you will loose a lot of bulk there as well. A propper HRT regimin that includes T blockers and especially DHT blockers are necessary.

Good luck hon and dont give up!!!!

Hugs, Jessica

Quote from: LilKittyCatZoey on August 17, 2011, 06:04:41 PM
my goal become a girl(i won't lie i want to be half as good looking of a girl as i am as a boy but that's way unlikely) live like a bit,go crazy marry and have one or 2 kids.

Then, let your standards of beauty be the way you measure your appearance. As Janet mentioned, beauty is in the eye of the beholder. What you behold when you see yourself is more important than what others behold.

I JUST FOUND YOUR PICTURES

DAMN GIRL YOU WILL LOOK GREAT

http://www.flickr.com/photos/65160919@N06/5930955061/#

http://www.flickr.com/photos/65160919@N06/5930952957/#


You will do great.. your so young and so thin and well don't play the pity pot with me.. i wish i looked half as good as you when i first started..

Quote from: M2MtF2FtM on August 18, 2011, 03:02:29 PM
I JUST FOUND YOUR PICTURES

DAMN GIRL YOU WILL LOOK GREAT

http://www.flickr.com/photos/65160919@N06/5930955061/#

http://www.flickr.com/photos/65160919@N06/5930952957/#


You will do great.. your so young and so thin and well don't play the pity pot with me.. i wish i looked half as good as you when i first started..

... i removed those

and thanks and well i never much cared but like instantly i do and in my eyes i an ugly.


but thanks everyone you did help tho i fought all you said i do mean well

Quote from: LilKittyCatZoey on August 17, 2011, 04:57:40 PM
well lets see recently i had a talk with a friend who well put me into reality. she doesn't know about me so i finally got a more accurate description of myself. she pretty pointed out how i have these extremely masculine features like my shoulders are much broader than any other guy my height , my huge Adams apple and large wide hands to name a few. she then went on to state i am lucky i ain't a girl i would look ugly and you know what i can't fight that. i have always been sad tried suicide but am scared of dying which i only realised when trying to kill myself. i simply can't take the pain who am i fooling i am a girl but i will never look like one my whole body is ugly and i am constantly asked why do i hate myself so much and well i just stopped hoping. i have tried but i looked at myself in the mirror and burst into tears, i just can't take it anymore ...

sorry about this i just had to tell someone i mean i lost all the friends i told so i just needed tell someone. please don't insult any grammar issues i typed this in tears .

thank you for reading
zoey the cat lady

i dont mean to sound brutal or harsh and i mean no disrespect. But if you want to transition or have a desire to begin transitioning, you have to know beyond a shadow of a doubt you are female.

Transitioning, and more importantly, real life experience is a real testing ground to know how sure you are about this. If you feel and KNOW you are female, you should not let anyone convince you that you cannot do it. It's like an overweight person who knows he or she must lose weight or die.....if they are serious about it no amount of people saying you cannot do it should convince them not to lose weight. The dialogue may be hard for that person or they may stumble but if he or she is focused they will reach their goal.

In all honesty, you should seek out a therapist and tell her/him about this feelings. Being there in person and discussing it with the therapist can help you get an accurate point of view of who you really are. And to be honest, I do not know where you stand either because five weeks ago you mentioned you had your srs letters and your surgery is coming up pretty soon...so this is a little confusing.

Quote from: Annah on August 18, 2011, 03:20:51 PM
i dont mean to sound brutal or harsh and i mean no disrespect. But if you want to transition or have a desire to begin transitioning, you have to know beyond a shadow of a doubt you are female.

Transitioning, and more importantly, real life experience is a real testing ground to know how sure you are about this. If you feel and KNOW you are female, you should not let anyone convince you that you cannot do it. It's like an overweight person who knows he or she must lose weight or die.....if they are serious about it no amount of people saying you cannot do it should convince them not to lose weight. The dialogue may be hard for that person or they may stumble but if he or she is focused they will reach their goal.

In all honesty, you should seek out a therapist and tell her/him about this feelings. Being there in person and discussing it with the therapist can help you get an accurate point of view of who you really are. And to be honest, I do not know where you stand either because five weeks ago you mentioned you had your srs letters and your surgery is coming up pretty soon...so this is a little confusing.

oh Annah ...

do you honestly think i don't believe i am a girl i never gave up on being me i simply gave up on the point of life

yea got a therapist had a stable mind mind but recently my therapist has been worried because of how its changed its changed because my life is failing down under my feet.

still perfectly sure i am a girl only diff i am as sad as hell... i get where your coming from cuz all the posts of yours i read are my technical so i get why your saying that ...

Annah next time consider the only reason i can smile is because i see my body becoming me a lil bit more everyday.

my only issue that this thread was made about is where is the point ... i love it don't get my wrong but what's the point of trying if i may as well live in a cave with no light so i never see myself yet i would be just as happy ?

anyways don't ever insult my belief that i am girl that's trigger which should never be used ...

and common what i ain't allowed doubt what human isn't allowed doubt that's just a idealistic belief all of us are optimists . i ain't ...

feel like this message will get a bite in the butt who really cares...

i never questioned if you are a girl or not, I merely stated that you must know from within yourself if you know 100%. If you believe you are a girl then that's fine. I responded because your thread topic says "Kinda given up" and your first post sounded to me that meant how you saw yourself as a female.

If I didn't care or had a concern in the world, I would never had responded like I did. It was not an attack but someone who wants to make sure you are knowing who you are.

Quote from: Annah on August 18, 2011, 09:32:22 PM
i never questioned if you are a girl or not, I merely stated that you must know from within yourself if you know 100%. If you believe you are a girl then that's fine. I responded because your thread topic says "Kinda given up" and your first post sounded to me that meant how you saw yourself as a female.

If I didn't care or had a concern in the world, I would never had responded like I did. It was not an attack but someone who wants to make sure you are knowing who you are.

sorry when i am sad i get really paranoid

First Zoe, Sadness and depression waves are normal with HRT! Second, after looking at your pics, whomever told you that you won't ever pass for a girl has NO IDEA WHAT THEY'RE TALKING ABOUT!!!

HRT will do absolutely amazing things! The hair on your body will begin to fade fast! Your face will become so much as softer in it's shape as will your skins texture! Most of the size and bulk of your shoulders and upper back as well as arms will disappear!!!!! They will shrink and go away and you will find yourself weaker. You will wake up one day and be amazed at how weak you've gotten and be proud of that! It will actually make you so happy that the tight jar everyone usually hands you to open can no longer be opened by you!!

Don't listen to whom ever told you that, and let time and HRT have at your body and work it's magic. You won't be disappointed. Oh, and let your hair grow out too!!

Hugs,
Hayley

Quote from: Hayley Rivka on August 21, 2011, 05:13:50 PM
First Zoe, Sadness and depression waves are normal with HRT! Second, after looking at your pics, whomever told you that you won't ever pass for a girl has NO IDEA WHAT THEY'RE TALKING ABOUT!!!

HRT will do absolutely amazing things! The hair on your body will begin to fade fast! Your face will become so much as softer in it's shape as will your skins texture! Most of the size and bulk of your shoulders and upper back as well as arms will disappear!!!!! They will shrink and go away and you will find yourself weaker. You will wake up one day and be amazed at how weak you've gotten and be proud of that! It will actually make you so happy that the tight jar everyone usually hands you to open can no longer be opened by you!!

Don't listen to whom ever told you that, and let time and HRT have at your body and work it's magic. You won't be disappointed. Oh, and let your hair grow out too!!

Hugs,
Hayley

well i can't grow out my hair stupid catholic sexist school rules prevent me from doing anything feminine and thank you


ps. still sad but not depressed thanks girls

Quote from: LilKittyCatZoey on August 21, 2011, 05:24:58 PM
stupid catholic sexist school rules

I'm seriously considering that after I'm legally female, to try to get my high school diploma and transcript changed to my female name just so I can have them from an all-boys Catholic high school with the name Constance Anne instead of David William on them!