someone calls you sir (if you are mtf) or ma'am (if you are ftm)?

Face it, for most of us, it will happen from time to time during our lives.  So, how do you handle it?

a BIG SMILE and a grin and a wink

it really confuses the heck out of people

I normally don't have trouble on the phone, but sometimes my voice relaxes and some of that old bass tends to resonate. I always begin my calls with people I don't know by telling them my name. Not only does it inform them who I am, but it also reminds me to be extra careful with my voice.

hey wow i just saw your book outline. Congratulations


Book Description
Publication Date: August 3, 2006
Softcover Cindi Jones chronicles her life as she banters with her squirrel muse. While her autobiography is about transsexualism, the story of love and struggle is universal. Cindi's compelling style is powerful as she pulls the reader in to her life walking the forbidden path alone. Her writing is fresh, inviting and engrossing. Join her as she details her sorrows and joys as she forges gold from lead, changing her gender in reassignment surgery, and culminating her story by leading a productive life as a woman. This is a story of love betrayed, brutal loss, and sweet victory. 

Haven't had a stranger do this to me and I'm not sure what I'd do if one did.  A friend of mine outed me at a restaurant about a month back when, as we were going to pay, she said "Put $xx on this card and the rest on his."  You should have seen the waitress' face at that moment, how she instantly shot her head toward me with her jaw half open.  While she was gone, my friend was apologizing profusely and I was almost in tears.  I'm not sure what the waitress thought after that as she scanned my credit card (and saw the name Zoe), but as my friend and I left the restaurant, the two waitresses said "Goodbye, ladies!" as if nothing had happened.

Then there was the end-of-year celebration at work in May, when my boss was calling out the names of all the tutors leaving the center so that we could walk to the front of the room and get our certificates.  I'd been out at work for two months and went by Zoe, but all my paperwork still had to have my boy name because my name change wasn't legal until June 10.  But as she called me up to get my certificate, she said my boy name, then Zoe (pronounced it "Zo" too) in front of the crowd of about 75 people, 65 of whom I didn't know.  I was in a peacock blouse, skirt, and heels, hair done nice, makeup, everything.  Just about killed me, but I went and got my certificate anyway.  Then she read a blurb about me and called me by my boy name three more times without correction.  It wasn't done on purpose, but I was ready to just sink into the floor standing in front of all those people, who were staring at me, being called by my boy name.

That time, I fought back the tears by playing Angry Birds for the rest of ceremony, not making eye contact with anyone.  I didn't stop and get up from my seat until the entire room was cleared out.  But I broke into a million tears when I got back to my car.

Quote from: Zoë Natasha on August 18, 2011, 06:48:17 PM
Haven't had a stranger do this to me and I'm not sure what I'd do if one did.  A friend of mine outed me at a restaurant about a month back when, as we were going to pay, she said "Put $xx on this card and the rest on his."  You should have seen the waitress' face at that moment, how she instantly shot her head toward me with her jaw half open.  While she was gone, my friend was apologizing profusely and I was almost in tears.  I'm not sure what the waitress thought after that as she scanned my credit card (and saw the name Zoe), but as my friend and I left the restaurant, the two waitresses said "Goodbye, ladies!" as if nothing had happened.

Then there was the end-of-year celebration at work in May, when my boss was calling out the names of all the tutors leaving the center so that we could walk to the front of the room and get our certificates.  I'd been out at work for two months and went by Zoe, but all my paperwork still had to have my boy name because my name change wasn't legal until June 10.  But as she called me up to get my certificate, she said my boy name, then Zoe (pronounced it "Zo" too) in front of the crowd of about 75 people, 65 of whom I didn't know.  I was in a peacock blouse, skirt, and heels, hair done nice, makeup, everything.  Just about killed me, but I went and got my certificate anyway.  Then she read a blurb about me and called me by my boy name three more times without correction.  It wasn't done on purpose, but I was ready to just sink into the floor standing in front of all those people, who were staring at me, being called by my boy name.

That time, I fought back the tears by playing Angry Birds for the rest of ceremony, not making eye contact with anyone.  I didn't stop and get up from my seat until the entire room was cleared out.  But I broke into a million tears when I got back to my car.

Awwww. Those are sad stories. I've had my boy name read from paperwork a few times in front of unknowing people. It makes my stomach sink. Except a few times when the person doing the reading was in the know and doing it intentionally after being asked to do otherwise. Then it just makes my blood boil and I don't respond until they get it right and I make a point to correct them.

I try not to be aware of address, so I sometimes get 5 steps away when I think, "Did I just get sired?" My voice is nowhere near the point where if I relax it I start bass booming - I have never worked on it enough to ever really pass in the first place! Where I get sired is on drive-thru speakers and such where people can't see me. I have got to work on the voice! I've lashed out a couple of times.

Susan Kay

Quote from: Cindi Jones on August 18, 2011, 02:57:32 PM
someone calls you sir (if you are mtf) or ma'am (if you are ftm)?

I look at them with a puzzled expression on my face and say, "Pardon me. What did you say?" They get very embarrassed when I do that.

I usually ignore it and/or look confused. I'll forget it anyway, so might as well not worry much about it. If the person expresses a doubt, I just laugh a little and try to skip over it. I don't want to end up having to say "male" in the end, since absolutely nothing is female in me, officially...

If it's someone I know, it's "he my ass".

Well, my former male best friend (he is toast now) and I had a meal at a restaurant.
Early transition it was, and on the way to our table we pass my GP and his wife.
I said hello, and later on explained why I knew those people.

After I paid for our meals (no splitting, and siring confusions) my 'friend' insisted to stop at the doctor couple's table, say hello AND: "...and please don't CUT this guy...", referring to me.

He spoke Afrikaans and 'sny' actually in this context would have implied to be castrated, like to 'sny' (cut) a bull, or a pig, etc.!

I was ready to sink straight into the ground and NEVER surface again EVER. Such an IDIOT!!!

He just could never handle my transition, after all I had done for him for years --- it was pretty much the end of the line, way beyond the pale. Just very, VERY horrible.

Some "friends" ARE best left behind.

Axelle

Quote from: Zoë Natasha on August 18, 2011, 06:48:17 PM

Then there was the end-of-year celebration at work in May, when my boss was calling out the names of all the tutors leaving the center so that we could walk to the front of the room and get our certificates.  I'd been out at work for two months and went by Zoe, but all my paperwork still had to have my boy name because my name change wasn't legal until June 10.  But as she called me up to get my certificate, she said my boy name, then Zoe (pronounced it "Zo" too) in front of the crowd of about 75 people, 65 of whom I didn't know.  I was in a peacock blouse, skirt, and heels, hair done nice, makeup, everything.  Just about killed me, but I went and got my certificate anyway.  Then she read a blurb about me and called me by my boy name three more times without correction.  It wasn't done on purpose, but I was ready to just sink into the floor standing in front of all those people, who were staring at me, being called by my boy name.

OMG!! How could she not do it on purpose?!?!? It sounds like textbook passive aggressive bigotry to me!

I just smile and carry on with the business at hand (My purchase) Here you go, thank you, Have a nice day

The ones that crack me up are the clerks that vasilate between sir and ma'am coming up with a variety of variations including sirmamnum (that's a new one) 

If someone is making a point of outing me... That's when there might be a problem

I posed this question because I have seen so many people confuse gender in their normal conversation. I have friends who know my dog well. SHE's a great dog. They still call her him. Hubby also mixes pronouns from time to time with people. I see it a lot... more than anyone might suspect. And you know what? No one around seems to notice.

We've all had our embarrassing moments. I can't tell you how many times I was chased down the street or called out vocally by teenagers while shopping.  These times are so hurtful and mean spirited. I don't know how we live through them.

M2MtF2FtM, thanks for the free publicity. I updated the book recently, corrected the formatting, grammar, and other such inconsistencies and made it available for kindle and ipad, as well as the other reading devices. I don't write to make money. In this case, it was to help my family and others who find themselves in a "pray the gay away" situation. Believe it or not, the book started right here on this forum. I think that if you look for threads called "Rise from the fall", you'll find the first few chapters in their first incarnation. Several people here asked me to publish my story. I did.

I have written other books and published them under my real name. Hubby says the way to make a little money as an author is to start with a lot of money

Cindi

I still don't get why people say "sir" or "madam" in stores when talking to you in face. When calling from behind or something, it's okay, but "Hello sir!"... How is the "sir" useful? You're looking at the "sir"; he doesn't need a "sir" to know you are talking to him... o_o "You" has always been a pretty good word for me.

I haven't had much of it. Again I think the times it has happened have been a slip of the tongue, which we all do by accident.
Two stories from my hippy past; a long haired person was standing at a bus stop and a  woman said from behind, excuse me Miss. He turned around and pointed to his wedding band and said, it's Mrs.
One of my friends recently had a baby, and she brought 'it' into work, someone asked is it a boy or a girl. She responded quite angrily ' Well SHE is wearing pink'. I thought it was really funny. Pink is my favourite colour.

Cindy

Quote from: Cindi Jones on August 18, 2011, 02:57:32 PM
someone calls you sir (if you are mtf) or ma'am (if you are ftm)?

Face it, for most of us, it will happen from time to time during our lives.  So, how do you handle it?

It happened to me recently in the library after more than a decade of transitioning and I can tell you it hurts. I immediately spoke back to the lady who called me sir and said to her 'is it all right if I call you sir too' in front of several people. She went red faced and I complained to her boss. But I later thought about it and it's my fault if I wasn't passing in that situation. But it is still a huge a kick in the teeth after so many years of not getting read. I did spend the rest of the day in tears and it did knock my confidence badly.

Honestly? right now I count the times I get called by my female name and pronouns correctly as a small victory. It's taken 4 months to get people to call me Keaira and I STILL get called by my old name at home, among my SO's family and some co-workers. Some days I just sigh and roll my eyes, hoping God will strike me down so I dont have to deal with it anymore.

Haven't had it happen I haven't really done anything to come across as a girl yet.....except for that time during Halloween where I dressed up as snow white with a wig and make up and everything, everyone thought I was an actual girl  (this was directly under a porch light mind you so not for lack of light) and commented on how pretty I looked as a princess I just giggled and said "thank you" in a distinct masculine voice, they would do double takes and then sometimes ask "would it be ok if you showed off your costume to my husband/wife/friend?"

(Loved wearing that dress even though it was pretty dumb looking, only time I had actually done any kind of cross dressing in front of friends and public)

In short I didn't take offense at it I just thought it amusing, I can understand why some would be upset since they probably worked hard to look as masculine or feminine as they do, but people make mistakes all the time just lightly correct them or just ignore it.

Quote from: Cindy James on August 20, 2011, 02:33:11 AM
I haven't had much of it. Again I think the times it has happened have been a slip of the tongue, which we all do by accident.
Two stories from my hippy past; a long haired person was standing at a bus stop and a  woman said from behind, excuse me Miss. He turned around and pointed to his wedding band and said, it's Mrs.
One of my friends recently had a baby, and she brought 'it' into work, someone asked is it a boy or a girl. She responded quite angrily ' Well SHE is wearing pink'. I thought it was really funny. Pink is my favourite colour.

Cindy

I admit I laughed at the bus stop story, my friend has had similar exp. because of his long hair he just laughed and said "Didn't think I was all that pretty"

As for the baby story I would think that asking about the gender is fair enough so many mums seem to dress the baby girly regardless of gender.