Here's my story in a nut shell,
I grew up a perfectly normal boy, besides the fact that I was really well behaved, and didn't relate to the "farm town" boys I was "friends" with, but other than that I was "normal". I enjoyed boy things (clothes, toys, video games, etc.) The only odd things I think of are my (extremely awesome) hot pink room I had painted when i was 6 or 7 and the fact that I thought panting my nails was really fun. After I moved towns at age 9 I lived a much better life in the city, much more privileged with both my parents having great jobs and me being at a school where I made many more friends. So still nothing too strange to report. It was around 12-13 that things went strange for a bit. during puberty I started making wishes, wishes to be a girl. I made them every night. I believe it's because I didn't care for my looks and the things happening in my body. This lasted for a few years and soon I found out about this thing called SRS and that greatly sparked my attention. "Men can be girls?" It was quite a shock to me but at the same time I felt like I was kinda in the same position. around age 14 on, until just recently, I had forgotten about it, or suppressed my thoughts and continued living a normal boy life. I hung out with my guy friends all the time. I never really was a fan of sports but I guess that's not very strange for guys. One thing I do recall is always having a high interest in women/girls clothing and even tried some of my mothers things on and really enjoyed it.
So that was then, and as for now (age 19); I never liked my body hair, in fact I have always disliked it. What's worse, I have a lot of it. Finally just a few days ago I decided "to heck with it, I'm shaving my legs!" and so I did. They felt amazing! and then very quickly strange feelings started swelling up inside me, I remembered what I learned at age 12 about transgenders and I began thinking to myself "Could I be a transgender?" This question and all these feelings have done a number to my body; lack of sleep, deep thought processing along with slight anxiety putting me in sort of a depressed state of mind, but nothing huge mind you. I'm still thinking but I've been more energetic about it, YAY!
Just a few days ago I ordered some women's clothing online and I can't wait till they get here (hope they fit!) and just today I went out and tried on some girls shoes, which was really nerve wracking, but they were so cute and felt so... right... on my feet.
I still hang out with boys and enjoy it, but I've always been more of a feminine and emotional type person, especially in relationships (with girls), and got along so much better with my mom than with my dad.
I really enjoy hanging out with girls, though it didn't happen often, and when I did a whole different person comes out, I enjoy socializing more, and generally just went with the flow, where as with guys I kinda had to act more masculine to fit in which wasn't a huge deal. When I was 16 I let a few of my girlfriends (platonic of course) paint my toenails pink, which went horribly with my hairy feet, but I quite enjoyed it.
Before I was born, my mom wanted a girl so badly and didn't even have a boy's name picked out for me when I was born so the doctors called me john for the first five days of my life until My mom decided on Matthew. ( She was going to call me Paige) When I heard this story for the first time, early teenage years I think, I thought it would be quite nice to be a girl.
I would like to add this for anyone to comment on - for the past few years I, like a normal teenage boy (I think?) have had a really high sex drive which never felt right. It continued straight until, again, just recently when I started contemplating whether or not I am a transgender, then it just completely vanished which makes everything so much more fantastic? However I'm wondering if those two are actually directly related or not.
Of course this is all quite sudden and there are a lot of things to consider and a lot of soul searching to do, I just wanted to post this to find out what people thought about my story, if they had any sort of similar circumstances, or just any general thoughts! I'd love to hear from anybody, I've ready many other post and you are all so inspiring!
That wasn't much of a nut shell was it? More like a coconut... OH WELL! ^.^
One more completely unrelated side note, I'm about to clean my terribly messy room and paint it "Purple Grapes", I love color so much!
