I had  a very hard cry earlier this afternoon....

This sure has gotten old, you know?

Both amorphous and distinctly identifiable high magnitude stressors, coalescing at once.

It does not represent a nominal state for me, however. It did earlier in transition oftentimes enough, but I do believe that I have negotiated that phase.

But today, it just hit me very hard again; a transient and intense 'emotional breakdown'....

Those are pretty rough to go through, indeed.

But suicidal ideation is totally absent. I can live with that.

It would have been interesting to somehow quantify just how many tears that I have cried during my transition. I do know that I have shed more tears since May of 2005, than in the totality of the preceding 48 years of my life.

That has kind of amazed me, actually. I wonder if such is typically experienced by those of us whom are 'late transitioners'. I have no idea.

I am not so strong after all; much weakness has been revealed and manifested to me, often with considerable emotional and cognitive impact.

I present a strong and confident presentation but deep down, like "Seven of Nine', there is a scared and frail little girl, that nobody but precious few see.

Boy do I have a headache now. I'll be leaving for therapy in a few minutes and I am kind of wondering what kind of a session that we'll wind up having, tonight.

My life is undeniably improving and I have made great strides in both transition and psycho-emotional HEALING, but notwithstanding, it is sometimes an excruciatingly hellish thing to have to pass through.

With my love,

Rhonda

What has you so upset, Spacekat?

Bri

Quote from: Brianna on February 28, 2007, 08:50:59 PM
What has you so upset, Spacekat?

Bri

This is only a transient; I won't categorize this as an actual crisis.

Given the unexpected intensity of the event, a 'reservoir' of stresses and tensions had to have accrued over the continuum and some of emotion might have been artificially induced.

But even so, I haven't cried that hard in a while; the time spans between such events is indeed increasing.

My brother sent me a very cutting email; contact is now broken between us. I think that we both share the blame for this one, but it hit me very hard and evidently triggered the release of those stresses and tensions that were alluded to earlier.

I'm sure not the first girl to experience this. It just really blew me away.

Additionally, the stress on the job (innate to the job, irrespective of my TS) has increased significantly.

But this will pass, my good sister. You take care of yourself.

I went through a phase of this, but it was long before HRT. I needed about 5 months of therapy to realize I was something special and not a freak.

Then after full time, I realized that I was pretty as well - and that my background had given be a perspective quite uncommon to humanity.

I cry a paroxsym of tears occasionally, but it's usually about being disowned by my family.

Bri

Ps- Your "sister" comment makes me wonder. Do other transsexuals automatically consider other TSs "sisters?" Because this is not my feeling on the matter.

PPS- Chin up, spacekat.

Ps- Your "sister" comment makes me wonder. Do other transsexuals automatically consider other TSs "sisters?" Because this is not my feeling on the matter.

An affectionate term, carrying a sentiment more along the lines perhaps of a strong affiliation and bond of empathy.

It was not my intention to offend.