My young-end teenage 'girl'friend thinks 'she' might be trans like me.
I will refer to her with female pronouns for now, as she hasn't asked me to do otherwise.

Basically, I came out to her as FTM about six months ago and to the rest of the world about a month ago. Today, she's said to me that she thinks she might be trans too.

She says that this isn't a recent problem and that she's been feeling like this since she was around nine years old.

How do I help her think about whether she might be trans or not?

(I'll follow your lead on pronouns for this)

I've had more than a few FTM-questioning people ask me for advice in the past month (otherwise I'd have left this topic to the FTMs here). I think what it always came down to as the deciding line was this:

Are you actually just frustrated with how society treats women and is what you really want the respect and power you perceive men to have (and you believe you lack)?

All but one said they were just frustrated with misogyny, not that they had actual trans feelings. One is currently non-transitioning but definitely desires it.

However, if she's had these feelings since nine, there's a more than decent chance her feelings are sincere. In which case, the question becomes what she wants to do about it, and what she's willing to do about it.

She'll be in the same spot you were six months ago, so think back to what help you needed, or what help you wish you had.

She's definately not got a problem with the power, she's very headstrong, knows what she wants, gets what she wants, and is stronger than many cisguys our age. I honestly don't know how to help her, because she's more adrogynous than ftm-esque and while that is a gender I respect, I can't quite get my head round it, let alone explain it to someone.

I can't help but to feel like she may be projecting your identity onto her self.

I don't think anyone here can really say if your friend is "really trans" or not. I think that's up to her to decide. What I would suggest for her to do is do her own research into FTM and transitioning. Read blogs, watch videos, maybe even post here and ask questions.

This is something I wrote on my blog about how I'm processing everything.....It might be of help.

This is a question I see a lot and I'm not here to answer that. Because I can only speak for myself and I myself am still on the journey. But I'm starting to believe that this is the right path for me. I hear a lot about the FTM trend on tumblr/youtube etc. I see a lot of people wondering if it's the right path for them and asking people on message boards/tumblr/youtube if they're trans. We all know that no one can know that but you. I can't tell you and neither can anyone else on the internet. There are some things I've been mulling over and considering when I ask this question and I thought it might be helpful to someone else.

NOTE: This is MY experience and how I'm processing. This is not intended to be an end all be all of how to figure yourself out. Take this with a grain of salt.

First and foremost, I recognize that being trans is not a game or something to take lightly. It's not something you can turn on and off like a faucet. You can't be trans one day and not the next. (I'm talking about being trans as in transitioning. I'm NOT talking about bigender, genderqueer, androgynous, 2 spirit etc. I'm also not saying identities don't change and evolve. That's another issue and a whole other topic to consider. For the sake of this post, I'm talking about being FTM.) I recognize that there are both positive and negative consequences to transitioning. I recognize that FTM is NOT the only option. I can be any of the gender variants listed above. I can be both if I want to. But, honestly I'm not both genders. I'm not neither gender. What's helping me figure myself out is questioning if I'm willing to lose everything to be Darrin. Is it THAT important to me to be him? Being trans may seem cool until your best friend decides s/he can't handle it and leaves. Or, your partner leaves you when the changes occur or your family can't handle it. I'm not saying this will happen. I'm saying it might and am I prepared for it? Will I be ok growing old as female? Will I regret it?

Transitioning is a huge step beyond just hormones and surgery. It's an entire lifetime commitment. It's forever. My female self will be dead and I will be consumed with Darrin. He will be me and I him.

I guess I got a little sidetracked, but I guess I'd say are you willing to do anything and lose anything to be you? Is it that important? Just something to ponder.....

Going along with Darrin's sidetrack, something that helped me realize that I'm actually Trans, and that its not just frustration with society, was to imagine my self in the future.  What if I someday get presented with an award, or am speaking at a seminar or something.  How would I imagine myself being announced?  I pretty quickly realized that standing in front of people after being announced as female is easily in the top 5 list of things that make me super anxious and set off panic mode, and I don't see that changing any time soon.  I felt much better (i.e. less anxious) about imagining my self as Kyle, and could see future Kyle up their far easier than I could see future female me.

Now that realization doesn't mean I'm ready to come out tomorrow and change my name and try to start T as soon as possible.  It just wouldn't work with my current job in customer service, on the phone all day.  But I'm working on getting a better new job, and should be working in IT withing a year or so, possibly starting there as Kyle, so FINALLY transitioning is actually in the near future.

Now I'm getting sidetracked.   What is this thread supposed to be about?

Being an MtF parent of a son who is FtM, I would suggest that she look at as much information as she can find. Transition is a big decision, and shouldn't be rushed in any way. The Wiki and forums here are a good start, and I would also suggest books like "True Selves", and "Transgender Voices". 

There is a whole spectrum of Gender, and no-one else can say where we will be most comfortable except ourselves.  With your help hopefully her path will be easier than going it alone.  A good Gender Therapist should be able to help her sort out her feelings too.

Karen.

I think you should be carefull by helping her at first. let her disover it and get into details
a chruch of mine said something simular, and people very pretty much asking whanever she was trans or not and how like and so on..

I asked her few things like pronoucing and so on, and made it openminded that she could just come to me in caise of something, but I didnt want to push her when she wasnt even sure herself, you need to be ready and clear,
I also had alot of people in my life saying stuff like "they where trans" or "they wanted to be a guy or a girl" but in the end they wasnt really trans or it more looked like something they felt like pretty normal like many people do. so I always tend to have a line where people can be whatever they are but if they ask for more like surgery or stuff then I want to be sure there really want it and not just kidding around. its not healthy for either you or her, if you try to hard on something who actually not the fact.

by being openminded so she can do whatever she feel without having any strange reaction from you I think its already a help.

if you get my point.