Hi all,

My name is Sarah and I am gender confused. I am a long time crossdresser (MtF). I have recently gotten to a point in my life where I can try to sort out all the dormant things kicking around inside my head. I have been dressing up since I was a child (don't remember how old though 6-8?) and it  started out as curiosity and became more sexually charged. I have several fetishes related to my crossdressing which makes these issues difficult to sort through.

I have come out to my wife and closest friends (except one) about being a CD they are all supportive with one exception. My wife is fantastically supportive of my dressing and I have recently told her the issues I am going through and that transition may be a possibility down the road. I don't get along with my mother or father for various reasons unrelated to gender issues, but I am also encroaching 32 years old and no longer need their approval.

Even though my wife is very supportive I still feel shame in regards to my dressing, so much that I do most of my dressing alone in secret still. I have gone out en femme before usually a night time trip to the gas station. I am just so very tired hiding that at times I just want to tell all my facebook contacts that I am transgender and brace for impact. I am just so hypersensitive with fear and shame internally. It doesn't help that I emotionally shutdown when I was in the Army to protect myself but it has taken me years to get to where I am now.

I think that is a good place to end my first post.

Thanks,
Sarah

Hi Sarah, welcome to Susan's.   You have come to the right place. There are many good people here with lots of experience to learn from. You are not alone, welcome to the family.

Jennifer

Thank you Jennifer for the warm welcome. 

Hi Sarah!!! Welcome to our lil community, I hope you find some of the help you need.

Hi Sarah;

Nice to have you here. I can certainly understand confusion for I've shared enough of it. Although mine has reduced greatly, due to the support of my significant other, hard work, and a safe place to share some of these issues. Hope you find what you need here. All the best.

Hi Sarah,

I understand your situation completely.  I'm a 32 MtF transgender.  I spent 9 years in the service to make myself commit to the "male" role I was supposed to fill.  Needless to say it was an excercise in futility, an it only made me more pent up and shameful of wanting to be the opposite gender.  Now I'm married with kiddo's, so sorting this out has been rough, thankfully i started my counseling yesterday and I already feel some of that shame and guilt lifted off :-).

Welcome to the site, Sarah. This is a great site with great people. No need to feel ashamed. We all had things we were going through. Wish you the best.

Thank you all for the great welcome. 

Veronica I spent 6 years in the Army and it was brutal. I am not cut from the military fabric so to speak (although many in my family have served). I was almost outed once or twice during my service......that was a very close call. I have a child as well, my daughter. She will be 12 in a couple months. I hope to start counseling soon I'm just not sure if it will be through my school or through the VA.

All of these issues seem to open up quite suddenly when I took a cultural diversity course. It seems to have opened the flood gates. I have had trouble focusing on my homework because my mind has been focus on my gender issue. I can't seem to stop thinking about it and I can lose a whole day thinking and researching it.

Right now I am working on being comfortable with myself. I have gotten my ears pierced recently and my hair and eyebrows done (which I was terrified). My stylist was great and made me feel at ease. I didn't go totally feminine but I have long hair and when I learn to style my hair it will be long and curly (ladies have always envied my long hair).

Hi Sarah, it's nice to meet you! Thank you for your service. You'll find lots of good stuff and good people here. Maybe you'll find my "Roll Call." See you around, hugs, Tracey

Welcome! hope this forum helps you get to where you want to be in life.

Thank you all for the welcome.