Hey guys, sorry I haven't posted or been on here in a while. I have some updates which I will get to within a week or two (I'm moving again =_= so I probably won't be on).
But I need advice.
I'm starting a new school. I had a friend whom is ftm that went there and they worked things out with him regarding bathrooms and stuff and he went stealth,
But I'm scared I won't pass there.
I'm not hairy, my voice isn't too low when I try to make it low compared to other guys and all of those other dysphoria causing details about my body.
This is where it matters to others. I mean, it's high school.
People judge you immensely.
I need advice or support or something. Please.
Should I just not go stealth? I want to. But. Erg.

Take a deep breath and relax ... most folks will take you at your word and never question it.


We had a kid who started T (cream) three weeks after enrolling in high school as a male.  Everyone just said that it sucked he was entering puberty late.  He was a junior. (We I say we I mean a parents group I belong to)

Most kids don't know ftm exist and will take your word for it.   High school is great b./c there is still plenty of guys who haven't hit puberty and have a high voice and baby face -- you;ll be fine

Since you're in high school, you don't have much to worry about. You're not going to be the only guy who looks and sounds young. Some people tend to start later than the rest. Leonardo DiCaprio's voice didn't deepen until after he was 16. My own boyfriend didn't begin puberty until after he was 14. Sometimes genetics just happen, and that's what most people assume. Despite what we see in the internet (cuz I swear, we're all over), ->-bleeped-<- is still quite rare. So yeah, most people who see a younger looking guy aren't going to automatically assume "omg, it's a chick!" They probably won't give it a second though.

If you want an example to make you feel better, I'll give you mine. I'm a 21-year-old man, pre-everything, and suffer from chronic baby face. I'm serious, I don't look 21 as either gender XP. It got worse when I cut my hair @_@. My poor boyfriend, everyone thinks he's a pedophile xD. I still go inside the men's restroom, despite my horribly girly face. I don't even have an STP either, I just sit down on the toilet and do my business. If someone asks me what I was just doing in the stall, I'll just give them a horrified look like they're some kind of pervert. It's a justified look too, why the hell would anyone want to know what I just did in the bathroom stall? You likely won't get that though, most men keep to themselves in the crapper.

Thanks guys. I feel much better. I guess it's not as big as a deal as I thought. And I also forgot I'm sort of lucky (but not for long) because it's only sophomore year I'm going into, so I guess I still have a few years until people start questioning me. That cream... Does it work well? I didn't know they madenit but I'm going to look into it- although my mom isn't accepting she's made some milestones and would consider it 30% if it was affordable or something.

A few questions. First, you mentioned an interest in T cream. So, have you started T/will you start T in high school? It would be awesome if you could start puberty while you're still in high school, and that would help you to appear more like the other guys.

Second, are you on blockers at least?

Finally, do you have to worry about PE? Because that could get tricky.

Quote from: Arch on August 25, 2011, 12:32:28 AM
A few questions. First, you mentioned an interest in T cream. So, have you started T/will you start T in high school? It would be awesome if you could start puberty while you're still in high school, and that would help you to appear more like the other guys.

Second, are you on blockers at least?

Finally, do you have to worry about PE? Because that could get tricky.

It would be awesome, but probably won't happen indirectly my mom stated we can't afford it and doesn't support me that much. And I would probably change in some sort of bathroom. In my old school( although I was out) I used and changed in the nurses bathroom. Not sure what will happen here. As for blockers, I'm not on those either.

Quote from: Nick19Nick on August 25, 2011, 12:39:51 AM
It would be awesome, but probably won't happen indirectly my mom stated we can't afford it and doesn't support me that much. And I would probably change in some sort of bathroom. In my old school( although I was out) I used and changed in the nurses bathroom. Not sure what will happen here. As for blockers, I'm not on those either.

I didn't mean indirectly, but I can't remember what I did mean. . Stupid auto correct. I wish you guys had a mobile site because using an iPod on here is rather difficult, and I need to go to bed :p so goodnight and I'll repy tomorrow, thanks for your guys help! (grammatically incorrect)

Well, the T itself isn't expensive if you can get injectable. But the therapy and lab work and doctor's visits add up. I'm not sure how far along you are.

You might look into blockers if you can.

Do you know about TransYouth Family Allies?

Quote from: Darth_Taco on August 24, 2011, 07:48:26 PM
Since you're in high school, you don't have much to worry about. You're not going to be the only guy who looks and sounds young. Some people tend to start later than the rest.

I might be going off on a tangent, but I feel the need to point out something that has been brought up here. In high school, guys tend to still look very young. I have an uncle who has a condition that makes him look like a 15 year old boy (no facial hair, shorter than 5 feet, a full head of hair, high voice)... and his actual age is 40-something. I feel sympathetic every time my uncle walks into a bar and they have to ID him. Not ALL cisgendered guys even get a chance to have the full effect of puberty on their bodies in their entire lifetime. Think about the fact that there are cisgendered guys out there who struggle with the same issues you do the next time you think you look too feminime to pass.

Must be great to be able to start as a guy in a new school.  I started college as a girl and am transitioning now still in the same school.  I students who started with me know my history which make for some odd situations at times. PE would be a difficult to get worked out.  At my college there are several PE courses that you don't clothes to take.

so not to purposely make you freak out or anything, but i just need to be honest here.

if you have a bit of a baby face or a high voice or whatever that's not that weird for a boy your age. people won't question you unless you give them another significant reason to. that significant reason would be being the only guy who changes in the nurse's office or never taking your shirt off at pool parties or not being able to participate (or saying something wrong) about "teenage guy stuff" like masturbation or sex or male anatomy. it's high school. people DO judge and they do notice when someone is out of the ordinary. there are explanations that you could make up to explain any of those out of the ordinary things, but people might eventually figure out your "secret". just something to think about.

would you rather get to introduce yourself and explain your situation on your own terms with no/limited nasty rumours or wrong assumptions or try and go stealth before you're passable, to have people "figure it out" on their own and then make your life an absolute living hell? your choice. everything might go completely fine, but then again it might not.

Bathrooms can already be tricky in a high school, but to me, the PE situation is the real clincher. If you're in a gym class with some guys and you always disappear at locker room time, someone will eventually think it looks odd--probably sooner rather than later. A lot of guys are shy about changing, but they basically have to tough it out. Bravado is key. However, if you're changing somewhere else, that's going to single you out. If everyone takes a shower most days and you never do, that's going to look odd. And will you need to wear a cup? a binder? if yes on the binder, can you get a full breath while you are playing sports? can you go through the day in a sweaty binder, or will you have an extra? are you prepared to deal with the physicality of sports with cis boys? And so forth.

Also, are you talking about a nurse's station in the gym building, or a separate nurse's office? I don't know how big your new school is or how it is laid out, but if I'd had to change at the actual nurse's office, I would have been late every time. The gym and the nurse were at opposite ends of the campus in my school.

I believe that Ryan has a valid point about stealth vs out. I'm not saying that you should be out, only that you should consider all the angles very carefully and try to anticipate stumbling blocks. You might actually post in the MTF forums for that. And do you have a school counselor or someone to help you iron out the details and make a decision?

It's true that a lot is noticed in high school. Then again, everything that you say, do or look like can be held against you if you've got a prick in class (or around). I came up with some (fake) answers if people were to ask me about things like my binder, high voice and sorts. (binder as somesort of support for backproblems, voice and whatever cause of problems with T levels in the body, stuff like that) Though I never figured I would use them long term to people I'd see every day, it might be possible.

I think you should think about not going stealth and talk to someone at school as well. There should be some counselor at school, maybe there has been someone (stealth or not) before you.

Though, to be honest.. looking back at my personal high school experience.. Being out definitely doesn't protect you against remarks and sorts. And to my experience, there's always a prick in class. =/

Quote from: Nathan90 on August 27, 2011, 03:55:03 PMAnd to my experience, there's always a prick in class. =/

If you're truly fortunate, there's more than one.

And when you're talking about guys somehow PE has an almost magical ability to turn an everyday dick into a real prick.

Aye, that's true.

Yea I think.. that starting out stealth still might be better. If the class turns out okay, you can always decide to share the story with them. But thinking about the bullies.. there's no need to give them a reason to make comments. If they're 'creative enough' to think of things to insult you with, well.. bravo to them, but that's all their game and their guess. If they knów who you 'truly' are, then they also know the comments that could hurt you most I suppose.

Quote from: -Ryan- on August 26, 2011, 04:39:12 PM
so not to purposely make you freak out or anything, but i just need to be honest here.

if you have a bit of a baby face or a high voice or whatever that's not that weird for a boy your age. people won't question you unless you give them another significant reason to. that significant reason would be being the only guy who changes in the nurse's office or never taking your shirt off at pool parties or not being able to participate (or saying something wrong) about "teenage guy stuff" like masturbation or sex or male anatomy. it's high school. people DO judge and they do notice when someone is out of the ordinary. there are explanations that you could make up to explain any of those out of the ordinary things, but people might eventually figure out your "secret". just something to think about.

would you rather get to introduce yourself and explain your situation on your own terms with no/limited nasty rumours or wrong assumptions or try and go stealth before you're passable, to have people "figure it out" on their own and then make your life an absolute living hell? your choice. everything might go completely fine, but then again it might not.

That was a total confidence killer, but I completely respect your opinion and see where your coming from... At some point, yes, I will tell people, just not at first. Is that a good decision? I hope so.

Quote from: Arch on August 27, 2011, 03:25:15 PM
Bathrooms can already be tricky in a high school, but to me, the PE situation is the real clincher. If you're in a gym class with some guys and you always disappear at locker room time, someone will eventually think it looks odd--probably sooner rather than later. A lot of guys are shy about changing, but they basically have to tough it out. Bravado is key. However, if you're changing somewhere else, that's going to single you out. If everyone takes a shower most days and you never do, that's going to look odd. And will you need to wear a cup? a binder? if yes on the binder, can you get a full breath while you are playing sports? can you go through the day in a sweaty binder, or will you have an extra? are you prepared to deal with the physicality of sports with cis boys? And so forth.

Also, are you talking about a nurse's station in the gym building, or a separate nurse's office? I don't know how big your new school is or how it is laid out, but if I'd had to change at the actual nurse's office, I would have been late every time. The gym and the nurse were at opposite ends of the campus in my school.

I believe that Ryan has a valid point about stealth vs out. I'm not saying that you should be out, only that you should consider all the angles very carefully and try to anticipate stumbling blocks. You might actually post in the MTF forums for that. And do you have a school counselor or someone to help you iron out the details and make a decision?

I'm not even registered for the school yet, so I honestly don't know. If I was allowed to change with the guys, I'd make it work. Wear my binder and an undershirt. I don't think anybody would notice.. would they? I don't think I'd be allowed to change in there though. I'm not sure about anything, that's also why I'm nervous.  I plan on talking to all of my teachers, guidance counselors, nurse, and the principal. It's going to suck at first. I have an out of school psychiatrist and therapist who could help me out, but I haven't been to them in a few weeks. I'm going to my therapist on monday.  I'm going to tell people worthy of telling, close friends I will make. At some point, I may just be out. Which probably means I won't be able to change with the guys. In my old school, if I changed in the nurses office I was okay because the nurse and gym were in the same hallway. They usually have that setup that for sports injuries. There's no physicality in gym sports, no tackling, so it's not as bad as if I were on a team, but yes, I can handle it. Also, in my old high school, we didn't shower either. That's usually for sports. But I guess all schools are different. I'd get a cup though, one for my packer I don't want it getting squished!

Thanks everyone for the responses, I guess I will really have to live it out for myself. All of your opinions and advice helped awsomely, so thank you 

Quote from: Arch on August 25, 2011, 01:04:33 AM
Well, the T itself isn't expensive if you can get injectable. But the therapy and lab work and doctor's visits add up. I'm not sure how far along you are.

You might look into blockers if you can.

Do you know about TransYouth Family Allies?

I have. I'll talk to my mom about blockers. What do they do? Do they stunt growth though? Would they help me produce t at all? Thanks.