ok so my subject basically sums up some issues i am dealing with right now.  im 13/14 months hormones - not fulltime but close.  i have some questions and hopefully i can get some advice.

-i feel too scared to go fulltime without FFS.  im starting filling out paper work for some loans but haven't yet set a surgery date.  i can't set a surgery date because i haven't come out at work.  my initial plan was to secure money for a loan before coming out at work in the off chance something bad happens but it turns out one of the loans i need wants my surgery date first!  gosh im frustrated.

-my other issue that just about gives me a panic attack is bathrooms (specifically at work) - i hate thinking about spending time in a bathroom with women instead of men... i hate spending time with ANYONE in the bathroom grrrrr. i hate thinking about this!! someone help!  it makes me feel like i want to get this surgery and quit my job - but i don't have really any money saved up to do that

-finally which all of this revolves around is work and coming out there.  should i send an email?  a phone call?  i feel like a phone call is more professional, but also don't want my HR to feel backed into a corner.  my work is headquartered in another state so i don't have the face to face option which i probably would have done.  its not only coming out at work but the fact that i want FFS and i want it now!!!! my work moves people around the county to different offices all the time, but right now im stuck in a project until the end of february.  i want to tell them to take me off this project so i can get FFS and ask them to move me somewhere else.  i feel like it would be nice to time me going fulltime with being relocated to a new site but I CAN'T WAIT UNTIL FEBRUARY!!! 

gosh i feel lost right now, i have loan documents sitting in my email that need to get filled out, i need to come out at work, i need to tell work im getting FFS, set a date, and take some time off.  is it bad to use FFS to make me go fulltime?  im too much of a wimp to do it leave my apartment as a girl.   sorry for rambling... ADVICE ANYONE??? HELP!!?!

Quote from: rylielove on August 29, 2011, 06:39:08 PM
ok so my subject basically sums up some issues i am dealing with right now.  im 13/14 months hormones - not fulltime but close.  i have some questions and hopefully i can get some advice.

-i feel too scared to go fulltime without FFS.  im starting filling out paper work for some loans but haven't yet set a surgery date.  i can't set a surgery date because i haven't come out at work.  my initial plan was to secure money for a loan before coming out at work in the off chance something bad happens but it turns out one of the loans i need wants my surgery date first!  gosh im frustrated.

Most surgeons will allow you to move the surgery date at least until a couple weeks beforehand. You can set a date, inform the loan company, and then reschedule the surgery if you need to (informing the loan company of the altered date, of course). Let the surgeon know that you might have to change the date when you book. Given that you are handing over massive wads of cash they tend to be fairly understanding.

Quote-my other issue that just about gives me a panic attack is bathrooms (specifically at work) - i hate thinking about spending time in a bathroom with women instead of men... i hate spending time with ANYONE in the bathroom grrrrr. i hate thinking about this!! someone help!  it makes me feel like i want to get this surgery and quit my job - but i don't have really any money saved up to do that

Using the correct bathroom the first time was petrifying. It gets easier fairly quickly though, a month since I came out and it doesn't really bother me anymore. Do you have a female friend at work who could go with you the first time? That might help. Otherwise, you kind of have to just brace yourself and do it. (And practice somewhere that is not work first, of course.)

Quote-finally which all of this revolves around is work and coming out there.  should i send an email?  a phone call?  i feel like a phone call is more professional, but also don't want my HR to feel backed into a corner.  my work is headquartered in another state so i don't have the face to face option which i probably would have done.  its not only coming out at work but the fact that i want FFS and i want it now!!!! my work moves people around the county to different offices all the time, but right now im stuck in a project until the end of february.  i want to tell them to take me off this project so i can get FFS and ask them to move me somewhere else.  i feel like it would be nice to time me going fulltime with being relocated to a new site but I CAN'T WAIT UNTIL FEBRUARY!!!

I would actually suggest both. You want to email in order to get a response in writing (this is important). But giving them a call just checking they got your email will put a bit of a human face on it that the letter doesn't give. Especially if your voice is good.

Quotegosh i feel lost right now, i have loan documents sitting in my email that need to get filled out, i need to come out at work, i need to tell work im getting FFS, set a date, and take some time off.  is it bad to use FFS to make me go fulltime?  im too much of a wimp to do it leave my apartment as a girl.   sorry for rambling... ADVICE ANYONE??? HELP!!?!

I originally planned to do exactly this. I ended up going full time about three weeks before surgery, just because I wasn't really passing as a guy anymore so it seemed pointless. But no, I don't think that makes you a wimp. Those that take it slowly and carefully, and make sure they look and sound and move as they want before going full time seem to have an easier time of it.

It actually sounds like you are fairly clear already about what you need to do. Good luck!

Oh, can I ask which surgeon you picked and what you are having done?

thanks so much for the response!! the only thing about setting a date and moving it that worries me is that the loan lady i have been talking to said its no biggie if the surgery date changes a couple days -  but a month is not good.  i think this bank/loan is pretty strict or something dumb like that.

i chose Dr Zukowski out of Chicago.  im doing a bunch of stuff - browlift with orbital rim burring/scalp
advancement, rhinoplasty, Chin bone burring, tracheal shave, Jaw angle bone reduction and some other misc. stuff he had listed on my estimate.

who did you go with? and what did you have done?

       I can't speak for where you work or what the state laws are like governing use of restrooms at work.  I did talk to my HR Director about comming out and using the appropriate restroom.  I was told that until I have GRS that I would be required to use the men's room for changin as well as for pottying.   He said it would be too upsetting for the females to have to share their lockeroom and restroom with someone that they have known for years as a male.

        According to the Outfront attorney in  my state (Minn),  the company can make their own rules as long as it applies to everyone.   Unfortunately I am in just a small offshoot of the company and have no way of knowing if anyone else in the employment has had to do the same thing.  I will post separately my quest to see if anyone is out there.

   Talk to your HR people befoere you do anything.  Good luck.   

Okay, I had FFS before transitioning at work - I left for a vacation for 6 weeks and came back as a girl - plain the simple.

Coming out at work, I was so scared, but I'm a great employee and an asset to the company.  So, I contacted HR (December 2010) and requested a meeting to discuss personal matters in my life.  I provided my coming out letter and a bunch of related docs/research that would be useful to them (see video, referenced in description: )
HR Response: Not a problem, you can transition tomorrow if you want!
Me: WTF!!! (In my mind). 

My recommendation: Do in person!  If you can't do this small little step, how are you going to handle the rest of your transition?  Time to spread your wings butterfly.

I discussed my plan and schedule and how to communicate with staff, coworkers and clients.  We developed a plan and it was executed. 

FFS was with Dr Spiegel (April 5th), left work as a guy on March 30th 2011 and came back as Jamie on May 16th.  I had the full support of staff (200 employees in my office - 500 system wide). 

Bathroom - whatever...it's a place to pee and poop.  I shouldn't need to explain this, but do not stand to pee!!!  Female staff were told I would be using the female bathrooms - end of conversation.

BTW:  Pick a FFS surgeon based on skill set, aftercare, results and bedside manner - Cost should have nothing to do with your selection.  Note: Every surgeon has a bad day....that's why there is malpractice insurance.  Document/video tape in detail or ask for a copy of the surgeons notes for the procedures they are going to perform - CYA.  Have very clear expectations of the results for FFS.  Also there is only a handful of supermodels in the world and rest are just women.

Good luck, this is your destiny.
Jamie