Since I was a young child, I have always dreamed I was a girl. At night before sleep, I would pray to god that he would make me a girl. As I look at the reflection in the mirror, I see a girl looking back at me. She has watched me cry, laugh, lash out in anger, but above all she watched me beg. Beg for her to come out of the mirror and join me in life. In the last few months I have realized that she doesn't need to come out of the mirror, because she is already there. I am her. I am the girl in the mirror, as it is a reflection of myself.

As my transition began at 16, my dreams took a different course. In them it changed, I was no longer that little girl, but I was a teenager stuck in limbo. Unsure as to which gender I was. As I have progressed in my life, so have my dreams. Now, at the point where I am about to start hormones and at the young age of 18, my dreams have started to form me as the girl again. Dreams now are post op, I am fully female in them in a sense. However, all good things have a dark side. The other night I had a dream I was standing at a crossroads, and two angels were there. One was female and the other was male. The male angel wrapped his elbow around my neck and choked me, he dragged me to the ground as the female angel stared. Her lips moved as she spoke to me, "You have to work for it Tyler, it isn't easy.."

Lastly, I have been full time for a year now with much success at passing. So, I have wrote this poem, dedicated to him...

I won't take one more step, in your direction.
My last breath was to weak.
Please oh Please just let me go oh oh oh
I just need to be with me.


You pull my hair, and touch my skin.
The pain is just to great
Please oh Please
Don't hold me back anymore
Just let me go

I don't need you anymore.

I love you all so much sisters. I hope you all make sure to say goodbye to the past you, and thank him for the memories.. As they are a part of us. Somehow..

Aye - yesterday is the compost in which we grow tomorrow, so it's important to recycle, not just throw away the past. Or something. The people we were who got us this far deserve to be retired with honours.

Lovely post  Tyler.
I left him in that other country called the past, he wasn't able to go any further, so I visualised waving and said thankyou for getting me this far in one piece.  It seemed only fair.

This morning I was getting ready to go out and realised that I hadn't shaved. I had my hairpiece on and saw a woman in the mirror  having a shave today. I usually wait  until after shaving to put my hair on, and see either a man or an androgynous person looking at me. It gave me a bit of a reality check, in a nice way.

Karen.