everything in my life is messed up
-my parents wont let me get on T
-i cant legally change my name
-my school is being an rotten
-i have to go back to a school in which everyone talks behind my back and makes fun of me because im weird
-my parent call me
-a selfish brat

-a pig
-crazy
-a failure
-a loser
and more
-i have poor body image
-i havent spoken to any of my friends in months and no one cares
-someone who said she would always be there for me left
-my doctor is an ass who has given me drugs for everything but what i was seeing him for, depression
-im so awkward i get stares from complete strangers when im in public places

whats the point if it takes thousands of dollars to get remotely close to being happy with your body and even then you are so far from being truly happy.

at this point i would call a suicide hotline but they would call me she which would put me over the edge an much closer to suicide.

so if anyone has any advice or anything to say on the subject please do so now because i dont know where i will be in a couple of hours.

You should call someone, anyone.  I'm sure if you called a Suicide line they would call you by the correct pronouns after you told them you were Male.

Make the call now.

Quote from: Sarah Louise on August 30, 2011, 05:48:54 PM
I'm sure if you called a Suicide line they would call you by the correct pronouns after you told them you were Male.

Make the call now.

I agree

Trevor hotline- 866-488-7386

Man it's bad now but something will change if you don't stick around though it can't change.

hey, i know what it's like to feel that way. that's how it was for me when i lived at home. my parents called me selfish, good for nothing, loser. i cant tell you how many times i felt like dying. but its a good sign that youve reached out to us on here. we are ALL here for YOU. i'm sorry life seems so horrid at times. but believe a person who's been there, it WILL and DOES get better. please, think of that every time you want to give up. you have a whole support team of friends right here. on susans. there's thousands of us who have been where u are now. but please, DONT LET THEM *(the people who are trying to get you down)ALL HAVE THE SATISFACTION OF WINNING! dont you dare give up.

your friend, your brother,

Todd

There has to be some one from susans who you can start a phoning relationship. The people at home and school will soon be out of your life so start now making new friends here.

Please don't hesitate to call a hotline.

Quote from: M2MtF2FtM on August 30, 2011, 06:17:40 PM
There has to be some one from susans who you can start a phoning relationship. The people at home and school will soon be out of your life so start now making new friends here.

Pen pals is a good idea.

If you have yahoo mess..... momodew26 is me. I'm on there lots since my friends just deployed to Iraq. You have support and tons of it from all of us. We might not all be close to where you live but we are always close on here. Like Todd said just dont give up.

Don't give up on yourself! If you kill yourself now, you really will never have a body you are comfortable with. Don't you think you deserve to start T, have a name you don't cringe at,  and everything else you want transition wise?  Eventually you will be able to start T and change your name. Life exists  after high school.  You don't need the approval or acceptance of a single classmate. I've been out of high school for three years and even though it was a really small school, I couldn't list the names of  half my graduating class. Don't give the other students the power to make you feel ->-bleeped-<-, they will soon just be a distant memory, if you can remember them at all. Your parents are the ones that are failing you. Let yourself grow up so you can prove every negative thing they said about you wrong. Having a poor body image is not unique to being trans. About half of cis men are also unhappy with their genitals. Many chose to have surgery, even multiple surgeries to feel more comfortable with themselves. Here is a documentary on it. You can watch it free here. http://topdocumentaryfilms.com/my-penis-and-everyone-elses/ Friends will come and go your whole life. There are billions of people in the world and you have plenty of time to make true friends who love and accept you for who you are. Tell your doctor exactly how you feel and demand he treats your depression. If he doesn't then go see someone else. Stop worrying so much what other people think. This is your life not theirs. Live for yourself not them.  Going on T isn't like waving a magic wand, but it does have the power to make you a lot more satisfied and comfortable with your body. No one on the planet is 100% comfortable with themselves. Just gotta learn to love and value yourself.

I can sympathize to a lot of that and I actually do care, (not just saying it) if you ever want to talk mate send a PM. I truly hope that things get better for you soon. I'm sorry I can't offer anything more then text as encouragement, I do wish I could be right there and offer some other form of help. :/

Hugs~
if you ever just want to talk send me a message we can get on yahoo or mumble/ventrillo(if you have a mic)

Start a dialog right now.......post something, anything. You just read only the first initial reaction to your posting this topic.
It's important to follow up here and talk to the people who are supporting you. Lots of people know exactly what you are saying here and can help.
Ativan(I just went through a similar thing)

I echo Andrew--call the Trevor Project. They are there for LGBT youth. Do it now. Talk to a real live person.

Has anyone established communication with anibioman?  I see he has gone offline and I'm concerned.

Does anyone have his FB or something??

Hopefully he called the Trevor line ...

It's hard when you don't have anyone in your life (your real life - people who you interact with in person, not online) to support you or talk to you. I wager almost everyone here has either been in that situation or a similar situation where you just felt hopeless - like your life was never going to change and you'd be stuck.

It really does take a major shift in perspective to get up out of that place and move forward and start to enjoy life. For me, I had to focus on little things. The other thing that seriously helped me out was actually being near people who were actually dying. Seriously ripped me apart but it was that one thing where something snapped inside me to never make me want to think about offing myself again. I can't even describe what it's like to talk to your friend who's a few days from death because of cancer (and that friend is only 2 years older than you) and to hear the pain and regret and everything else they're going through as they get closer to the end and to the realization that their life is over. Any hopes or dreams they had are over. There's not a damn thing they can do about it. Brutal.

Life isn't a race to the finish line. It has ups and downs and everyone of us are going to die someday. Why fixate on miserable stuff? Life is too short already and it can be taken away at any time just by accident. And life changes ... all the time. A few short years and it can be totally different with new people in your life, new living situations, new jobs ... even in a few months things can change. But the most important thing to change is your perspective when things seem bleak and ->-bleeped-<-ty.

I got nothin'. He has been offline for nearly two hours. Is anyone in touch with him at all?

Quote from: anibioman on August 30, 2011, 05:45:18 PM
everything in my life is messed up
-my parents wont let me get on T
-i cant legally change my name
-my school is being an rotten
-i have to go back to a school in which everyone talks behind my back and makes fun of me because im weird
-my parent call me
-a selfish brat

-a pig
-crazy
-a failure
-a loser
and more
-i have poor body image
-i havent spoken to any of my friends in months and no one cares
-someone who said she would always be there for me left
-my doctor is an ass who has given me drugs for everything but what i was seeing him for, depression
-im so awkward i get stares from complete strangers when im in public places

whats the point if it takes thousands of dollars to get remotely close to being happy with your body and even then you are so far from being truly happy.

at this point i would call a suicide hotline but they would call me she which would put me over the edge an much closer to suicide.

so if anyone has any advice or anything to say on the subject please do so now because i dont know where i will be in a couple of hours.

I tried to commit suicide but it failed so im still alive-
its very hard specially in your time because you already have enough s** to deal with and still you dont get suport of anykind you can use,
I had it simular where people just sended me to doctors trying to put alot of rumours on why I where so "strange" and it didnt help me at all.
my best advise is to find someone who really understand you also your situation of being trans, and everything
having people around you understanding your issues, or problems Really makes a big diffrent, even if the people cant do anything other than listen its still a great relife. I had a couple of friends back then who knew I where trans and who I could be open about, and even thought it where very poor amount of people understanding me it where enough to make me come to school and such, because I knew I had someone I could be with.
it dosent really matter who it is, as long its a person you feel safe with and a person who accept you and only want you for the best.

beside that you must try not take it all on the same time, one of the hardest thing about being trans is to be patient,
there is a saying who is called "3 years on stone (its actually a japanese sign but I dont know how to translate it probely)" it means if you work hard for along time without giving up, then your hard work will make you good,
if you train taikwondo, really hard for 3 years, then you will gets better and really good at it,
if you work to get money for 3 years without using them all then you will have alot of money
so on and so on..

to get back on the topic,
its really a killer to wait, but you have too,
only advise is not to "wait" but to use your time usefully.
try look at the small steps you do, and take them one by one and get happy for every of there susses before going future to the next one.
it can be very hard to think "how I am susposed to reach my gold, 20 years from now with everything I dream of?" so insteed you pick 1 goal for yourself now, and try reach after that to take the next step, ex I cant get top surgery before I end my school, so insteed of waiting the time I say,
"okay, before having top surgery I will
1, study the surgery, and talk to a doctor about it
2, live healthy, and train
3, try planing for my future life, jobs, apartment"

its a exemple.

I hope its help, I know your pretty exhausting, but you must keep strong even in the hard times,
I would say about your depressing and all this it also gets better when you start felling better so dont worry to much on these points,
I have got alot of problem as well, from depession, to cutting myself, OCD, and all kinds of things, but they where all connected to the thing of not feeling accepted for who I was, and not seeing a future and so on.

when it gets better these problem will also gets better.

Anyone heard from him   

I have some local resources. 679-1111 is an lgbt friendly crisis chat. They might be able to provide resources for you. 679-9000 is lgbt specific and they are an lgbt youth center. I just don't know what time people come in.

I am in the area so if you want somebody to talk to I am around.

Folks, he was online this morning, although he did not post.

When I was younger I didn't understand why I hated myself so much. My parents knew I was different, but they've never known exactly why. In 6th grade I was rather suicidal. I actually even tried once to off myself, but clearly that didn't work. I spent the next six or seven years continuing to be depressed (it turns out that the mess they put me on to help my depression reacted badly with my ADD meds and that was what made it so bad. I stopped taking medication and I feel much better now) and somehow survived high school, where I came out as a lesbian (I didn't know any different - I led a sheltered life back then).

I never had very many friends through school. Most other kids either saw me as the crazy smart kid or simply rejected me as the uncool kid who had no friends. Eventually I became okay with that. Instead of thinking about my own problems I focused on school work and my friends' messed up lives. I did as I was told and I got by.

In my senior year of high school I met the girl of my dreams. It's been almost three years and we're still together. She made all that pain from high school and before better, made it go away.

I'm not saying you're going to meet your soul mate in 12th grade. But someday, who knows? You just have to push through, find someone to talk to, and make it. Because once you're out of high school, you'll find that you can do whatever you want to do as long as you set your goals and try to achieve them.

I know that most, if not all, of the people here are willing to talk to you about anything, myself included. Just let someone know so we can help!! =]

*hugs*  you can make it.