Sort of, I had quite a few very bad things happen to me on top of being trans, these sort of shunted me into a weird fantasy world where I would spend most of my time by myself alone wondering in the woods next door to my house, spending most of the days at school fast asleep (it was such a bad school no one cared). I only emerged from this world when I discovered the local goth pub where I could dress as I wanted and no one cared, and even then it took me years to fully grasp reality and understand this strange place I was for most of my childhood.

Yes, very much so.

I think it's one of the main reasons my favorite authors (Julie Anne Peters, Alex Sanchez, among other) write young adult novels. Their stories are about discoveries, discoveries that I failed to make during my adolescence.

So, here I am at nearly 42 years old reading what can often be described as queer teen romances. I get a vicarious experience out of them. The HRT is making me feel physically like I'm going through puberty again, and these young adult novels vicariously fill in experiences I'll never have.

Relating to being trans, I feel more in-touch with my childhood. In high school, when I started trying to fit into a traditional female role I felt little connection with my childhood self. My mom chose my clothes until I was 9 or 10 so I wore a lot of pink and purple but that never really got to me until I was 12 and started wearing darker colours and baggy clothes. I was just always one of those rough-and-tumble kids rolling around in the mud and climbing trees and taking on male roles in pretend games. Obviously when I was a kid I didn't associate play with being masculine or feminine but looking back I definitely see my childhood as more of a "boyhood" than a "girlhood".

Like some others have said, I feel like it's my teenage years I missed out on, rather than my childhood.

As a child my gender was rarely an issue. While there was some frustration at how I was "supposed" to hang out with girls all the time even though I got on better with the boys, it was still acceptable for me to have a lot of male friends and most of my favourite activities were fairly gender-neutral. If I had been born male I doubt much would have been different besides probably less female friends.

Then puberty hit, and my male friends dropped me like a hot potato. Everything was different and strange and I didn't fit in with the group of female friends I had, but I "had" to stay friends with them because I fit in even less with anyone else. I felt really alone. There was a group of boys I always wanted to befriend because I knew we had so much in common, but I was a "girl" and not a conventionally attractive one so of course they wouldn't talk to me.

After our  final year of high school most of the "ewww boys and girls can only be friends if they're going out" stuff died off, and I finally became friends with those guys. Many of them remain my friends to this day. I really regret that we weren't "allowed" to be friends earlier. I regret a lot of stuff about having to go through high school as a girl.

Yes.  My childhood got beaten away with the buckle end of a belt.  Never mind if it cut me.  Never mind if it gave me another concussion.  I always deserved it somehow...

Quote from: nogoodnik on August 28, 2011, 11:14:56 PM
the "ewww boys and girls can only be friends if they're going out" stuff

Yeah my high school was like that too. I was often excluded from stuff by my female "friends", and half of the times they did invite me into things my mother wouldn't allow it for who knows wtf reason. I had a few male friends, but 2 left the school after the first year, and really they were guys so I didn't identify with them. The one male friend who stayed had his birthday the day before mine -- that's about all we had in common really, and perhaps neither one of us being much of the social type.

I wish I would have had the opportunity to actually hang out with friends, do things after school, heck maybe even date. But nope.

@nogoodnik: I agree with you. My high school years and sooner seemed much like what you described.

=\ If only, right?

Do I ever feel like I've lost my childhood?

I used to feel that way, but the more I've analyzed my past, the more I realize it's not true. My parents never criticized me for acting too feminine. I participated in many of the things that girls did. I learned to cook and clean, do laundry and ironing. I played with dolls and had a doll house. True, I never got to wear dresses, but from my perspective a half century away, that doesn't seem so big a deal. No, I never got to date as a girl when I was a teenager, but I never got to date as a boy either. It didn't matter if you were an overweight boy or an overweight girl. Neither were sought after as a dating partner.

So what did I miss out on? Not much. My sister got to be chancel dancer at church and I didn't. But when I went off to graduate school I joined a folk dance club. I couldn't take Home Ec in high school, but I took Touch Typing with the rest of the girls. It was not a perfect childhood and youth, but it wasn't all that bad.

Quote from: Zoë Natasha on August 28, 2011, 11:23:05 PM
Yes.  My childhood got beaten away with the buckle end of a belt.  Never mind if it cut me.  Never mind if it gave me another concussion.  I always deserved it somehow...

sounds familiar for me.... My mother however learnd quite fast that emotional torture works much better on me. Plus she had to be careful with leaving too much marks or going too far because she worked in the local hospital.

Yes I feel I did lose out in my childhood as I didn't start my transition till I was 16, I never got to just be a little girl playing with my very own Barbie doll and just being a girl.
But over the years I surpose Iv made up for it, even more so since I got married, now a housewife and leading a completely woman's life, I now do all the cooking, cleaning, dusting, laundry and ironing etc a woman's work is never done lol, life is very fullfilling for me as a woman, I enjoy my life as a woman, but I lost out on my childhood, never got to be a girl, just a miserable boy who was bullied all the time, hate thinking about it.
p

All I can do is wonder if I would have been friendless and bullied as long and as harshly as I was if I had been born a girl and accepted among the girls I tried hanging out with, instead of the boys I was forced to.

My childhood was actually pretty awesome right up until I hit puberty.  From then on things went downhill pretty fast.  That wouldn't have necessarily been stopped without the dysphoria, but it would've been one less major problem to deal with.

  Yes I do.

  I was that wafer thin (Twiggy) boy that was always picked on, picked last, etc.  I never got to date the girls back then nor did I date the women afterward.  A lot of "OH S#*T!" realizations from this have cropped up in this 9 1/2 months on HRT.  My refusal to attend the 40^th class reunion this year was from that. 
  Joelene

Was glad to see the end of it.

I hate the thought that this might be seen as some sort of sagely wisdom, but I try not to look back with regret. What happened is done and the best we can do with it is learn. If I can avoid doing to others, that which I most disliked being done to us then that kinda vindicates many things.

I've also learnt that there is no comparison in personal suffering. No-doubt, others have been through a lot worse, but when you're really scared, knowing that someone else has been, doen't help.

I will say though, that the world is a much better place now than it was, it seems to be getting better all the time. Not right to be complacent of course, but knowing that so many can now achieve what I dreamed of makes things a lot better.

Hope this contributes to your query.

Nah. My young childhood was fantastic and awesome, I loved it. I would die to go back to the pre-middle school days actually.. Or maybe not, but you get what I mean.

Looking back I was a rather ignorant child, blissfully unaware of life and its problems. I had no issues, I just lived life with a smile each day; my biggest problems were math related.   

The teenage years are horrible though. My parents became more wary about me acting masculine, about me being anti-social, and they're quite protective parents too so that didn't help.

I never had a childhood, my parents did want to have a child but they didn't want me.
A boy playing with dolls of my sister, they try to change that behaviour on the hard way.
So, for me it was some kind of survival to get trough the day.
At school I was an easy prey for the bullies, coz I did had another behaviour than the other guys.
I knew there was something different about me but what? I couldn't tell, in that time there was not the information available like it is now.
So, I became an adult and started (too late ) a search to who I was.
Glad, I've found myself.
I would never do my childhood again in that way, it was a daily torture.

My childhood was probably ok until about third grade, then my step-a**hole... Oh, I mean stepfather..  came into the picture. Constantly getting whipped and told to "man up". And then dealing with the gender thing, wondering what the hell was wrong with me. Nothing but confusion and unhappiness, and then alcohol and drugs. No, not my parents, *I* was the one into the alcohol and drugs. It killed the pain for a while, anyway. Some of it was kind of fun I guess. I mean, NO! Don't do drugs, kids! Stay in school! Lol..

But to answer the original question, I'd  like to go back and have another go at the teen years. Other than that, I'm good with being where I'm at. Better late than never. 

my childhood was ok, but having alot of things undiagnosed just made life very difficult. in the end, i don't really think it was bad, but there was alot of pieces in the puzzle missing. sometimes i actually miss my childhood enthusiasm, and it didn't matter that i was male at the time. i feel like i've just changed for the better. looking back at what you've passed through just won't help.

Absolutely I lost it, and my teen years as well.

School was just a prison. The only truly happy moments were the times I had to myself to dream.

I really don't remember much of my childhood.  I do remember some of my teenage years.  However it is like I have blanked out all those years.  Have I blanked out those years because I just could not stand being male?  I don't know.

I do remember being the target of any bully in high school.  I was always a loner.  Always kept things close to the vest.  Still do, I guess.  I don't care for people getting to close.  I think it is because I did not want people to know this dark secret.  I am working it out.  A very close friend told me that I was intersexed mentally.  And that has helped a lot.  And I am no longer afraid of people finding out my dark secret.  Because it isn't dark any more.  It is just who I am.

Love me, like me or hate me.  I don't care.  But just get out of the way if you can support me.