I live with my grandmother and she's known that I've been identifying as male for the past year or so, yet she doesn't make any effort to try and help me or listen to me about the subject. Every time I try and bring it up with her, she'll drop the conversation quickly, but she won't hesitate to tell my counselors about what I said to her. She says that she'll accept me no matter what, but I don't see her effort in doing so, she doesn't even try to refer to my gender neutrally. My mom does the same exact thing as my grandmother. My dad on the other hand has been pretty darn supportive and tries to call me "Junior" most of the time, he even helped me with coming out to my school counselor and administrator, he also got them to drop my P.E. class. Does anyone have some advice on making things go smoother with my family?

Quote from: Liam on August 31, 2011, 02:44:53 AM
I live with my grandmother and she's known that I've been identifying as male for the past year or so, yet she doesn't make any effort to try and help me or listen to me about the subject. Every time I try and bring it up with her, she'll drop the conversation quickly, but she won't hesitate to tell my counselors about what I said to her. She says that she'll accept me no matter what, but I don't see her effort in doing so, she doesn't even try to refer to my gender neutrally. My mom does the same exact thing as my grandmother. My dad on the other hand has been pretty darn supportive and tries to call me "Junior" most of the time, he even helped me with coming out to my school counselor and administrator, he also got them to drop my P.E. class. Does anyone have some advice on making things go smoother with my family?

my famely situation seams very simular (and my lesbian friend also got simular problem), even thought I been out to my mom since I where 12, she tend to ignore the fact as much as posible,
if I go to a doctor or something who ask about me being trans then she can tell from since I where a child, but when I am at home planning surgery or anything then she ignore the posiblilety untill she dosent have a choice/anything to say, anymore and even on my old school where everyone called me he, she kept calling me "she" without correcting, and it made my teachers fell odd.
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its pretty stressfull, and I dont know what to give for advise since I dont know what to do about it myself,
only advise I can think of is to keep strong, even thought it can be hard, and dont expect your grandmother or mother to be the parrent in this situation,
actually it opposite and its YOU who are going to be the grown up making the good statements.
I dont know if it where to help, but I wish you luck that they will stop ignoring it in a time.

Thanks, it's nice to know that someone is dealing with the some of the same problems as I am, like, the part about your teachers feeling odd when your mom calls you "she". My grandmother would always refer to me as "she" and use my biological name while dealing with my teachers and they would always be like, "Oh, well, we don't call him that." I wish you the best of luck and hope you find some answers. 

Though I might not be able to relate to you completely, I do know where you're coming from. Believe it or not, I live with my grandmother as well, and she's none too happy about my transition. She constantly tries to talk me out of it, telling me that what I'm doing is overly drastic, and that I'm 'addicted' to my sex-change. Yes, she considers my transition an addiction. I've tried to tell her that I don't care what anyone calls it, because it happens to be making me happy, but I just can't get her to see it my way. I don't expect her to, but I wish that she could.

Unlike you, my father is actually on the same wavelength as my grandmother ( It's his mom, so I'm not surprised that they see it the same way, ) Only, instead of calling it an 'addiction,' he calls it my 'experiment,' He often asks how I 'know' that this will make me happy, and I've told him, "I don't know if it'll make me happy, I can't predict the future, however, I do know that if I don't try something to make me happy with who I am, then I'll always regret it - at least, if I try it this way, then I'll know that I've done everything that I could," He tends to think that if I don't get surgery, that I can go back. He doesn't realize that my voice will never be the same, or that clitoral growth exists xD Regardless, he's just plain not happy about it and won't talk about it unless I bring it up. He also refuses to use a gender neutral pronoun or try to use the right one.

And then...there is my mother. She's extremely supportive. She tries to learn about the LGBTQ community for my sake. She uses my chosen name. She tries to use the correct pronoun while talking to me, and she introduces me as her transexual son ( I wish that she'd just say her son, instead of her transexual son, but it confuses the general public without the trans in front of it since I don't pass as a guy yet, )

Anyway...unfortunately, I don't know how to make it go any smoother with your family. Some people will understand and accept it right away, others might need some time, and some of them will never accept it. You could try educating a little bit, carefully try and get them to talk about it with you a little more - but try not to cram it down their throats.

Parents can be tough that's for sure, but you have to see things from their side as well.  Almost from the day we are conceived our parents for the most part start making plans for our futures, have hopes and dreams of us, start saving (If we're lucky) for an education, brag to neighbours and friends, hope that we follow in their footsteps.  Then all of a sudden we throw a wrench into the works.  We have to understand that it's not easy for them either, they have issues as well, they have family and friends to now deal with and so on.  Remember just as it takes us time and agony to come to terms with this "T" thing, your parent's go through the same.

 

My family situation is very very similar. They totally ignore everything I tell them, and keep insisting that I live as my "assigned gender."

I've been seeing a gender therapist for almost a year now, and all we talk about is gender and family stuff... My parents come to every meeting, and he gives them a bunch of resources, but they just ignore everything.

I guess we gotta just hang in there, as hard as it is.

Thank you all for your opinions, I don't know what I could do without you. For now, I'm just going to hang in there and take it slow, or try not to cram it down their throats lol.