Hi Quirky;

I like the idea of having 2 lives together and trying to honour both. Think of it as two sides of the same coin. In the end, it still is one.

I know my wife and I are working toward my transition and she has been very supportive. I think we share a fairly similar outlook. We both love each other for who each other are. We have been through so much history together that we have developed solid communication skills. While we still make mistakes, we know that each others intent is always aimed at wanting the best for each other. I think that goodwill makes all the difference when this could be a time of doubts, uncertainty and suspicion.

All the best...

Hello grrl1inside;

Thank you for your kind words. My goal day to day is to find ways to treat this "new" parts of our lives like a new born child, nice and easy. My other goal is to stay with my spouse. I have no reasons to want to leave her. She has never given me any. She helped build a beautiful person out of me and I will try to do the same for her. I do have my bad days just like everyone else tho. I am glad you and your wife are doing well. How far along are you in your transition? Have you come out to family/friends/work yet? How did that go? We came out to our family and friends and our family still does talk to us so that is a wonderful sign. When she is full time I wanted to give her a professional makeover and then we can renew our vows as "wife & wife"..

Hi Quirky;

>>How far along are you in your transition?

I am in early days yet. I live in a very small rural town so I am cautious and have a lot of work to do in order to access resources. Where am I right now... Hmmmm... I'm making a few emails to a support group at the nearest very small city about whether they will have a meeting when I am in town for work. I also am hoping they can give me some advice about what laser hair removal place to access. My big first step was to go on finasteride to stop any further hair loss. I absolutely love the side benefits... I won't go into details, I'll just say that I don't have the same problem when I wake up in the morning... My wife is probably happy about that too...

>>Have you come out to family/friends/work yet?

The most important person bar none to come out to is my wife which I certainly did. One of the best things I ever did in my life. I am out to a few very close liberal friends. Most don't know.

I am not out to family and I honestly do struggle with this one. I believe that every person is different and I want to find ways to come out to them in a manner that will offer them the best means of coming to accept it without losing the relationship. I probably will begin HRT first. Realistically, my wife's family live on the other side of the Atlantic and I don't want to do it by phone!!! So, that will have to wait a year until our next seeing each other. My mom and most of my brothers and sisters live 12-13 hours away. We see them about once a year to two years for a few days top. Our relationship is already strained so I'm not sure what is the best means of doing it and whether quite frankly it is even worth bothering. With my father, he is the type of person that may respond postively to talking it through (straight out) but more than likely he would be far happier just seeing me grow my hair out, making positive life changes, seeing that my children are well, and then as part of that evolution talking it through honestly as he starts to connect the dots.

I am the one working right now, so I'm very careful about work because a lot hinges on me maintaining the income while my wife raises the children. That being said, I've made changes to feminise myselfat work while still being within the male spectrum but have definitely been noticed. I'm increasingly wearing clothing that is a bit ambiguous (e.g. open necked linen shirts with lighter colours), growing my hair out, have pink/orange/baby blue socks, etc. When chats come up that are typically not in the male terrain, I now freely participate. I am starting to bring in the odd "chick lit" book. They haven't figured it out, but I'm building a nice foundation so that I can come in and chat about it without it resulting in shock and animosity. I work in the social service field in a government branch that is unionised so I'm protected. Still, it could be uncomfortable if they wanted to make it so. I am careful because although the small community I live in is fairly liberal, there are those within it that are NOT. The local women's shelter ran a fund raising even where people cross-dressed and there were death threats.

>>When she is full time I wanted to give her a professional makeover and then we can renew our vows as "wife & wife"..

My wife and I joke about getting a divorce so we can get handfasted as wife and wife... Then we can be out both as lesbians and pagans... 

All the best to both of you.

Hugs

It all sounds like you are being very careful of ALL of your decisions. That is a wonderful way of going about transitioning. My spouse and I have had a strong relationship before she started her transition. We live in Las Vegas. The Anti Discrimination Law for transgender will be affective in October of this year. My spouse works for the union as an electrician. She is the boss and has just received a company van. Wonderful news for us. We are trying to make alot of money here so we can have more money for what ever come our way. She is not out at work but has told a few ppl she has worked with. Everyone is really nice to her, she still looks male mainly because of her "5 o'clock shadow" she was 211 lbs in May and now is 178.. I am proud of her!! What government branch do you work for? I work for the Rehabilitation Division, State of Nevada, in Accounting. I have told about 12 ppl about my spouse.

I am to the point that I am fine with her transition and I am not going to make it a crisis situation. LOL No need for that she is not true to me and her as well, let her spirit shine!! I do struggle on certain things but it is workable. What town do you live in? She is working on laser hair removal on her face and chest. She has started the derma roller. She has alot of acne scars, so we are trying to smooth out her face. I have noticed she does look ALOT younger as well because of the hormones.

Lol... Yes careful about all decisions. In this case, it has been good because it has given us time to adjust and we have a wee one to think about too. My carefulness, risk averse nature is not always a blessing.

Technically, my province (basically = to a state) has not added transexuality as a protection, but the law has in effect provided a fair bit of protections for sexuality under the human rights charter. One day I will come out at work if I still work iwhere I do. I would prefer to write or find a way to work from home... We'll see. In the meantime, I work for Dept of Social Development. I won't say where because it would be a dead giveaway of my identity and unfortunately there are safety concerns.

I used to weight 236lbs and am down to 186lbs so I know how much work it is to lose weight and I can appreciate why you are so proud of your spouse. I think happiness since I've come out has allowed that to be possible. And looking a lot younger... Oooohhh, I like that idea. 

I thank you very much for the chat.. I am taking each day as each day. I know I do love my spouse to death, but sometimes when I think of our future and if ppl are going to be too cruel to her or I, it tends to make me rather unhappy. So I will discuss this with our therapist on my next appointment. Do you mind if I ask how old you are? I am 28 and my partner is 33 years old. Only reason I ask is you stated you have a little one..

I am 39 and my spouse turns 39 next month. Our little one is 3 and 3/4 and our second is due in a month. A day at a time is always a good thing... I like to always find something good about each day. I try my best to celebrate it early just after I wake up by lighting a few candles and just meditating and giving thanks in my own little way. It gives me a lot of resources for the day to come. Dealing with clients permanently in crisis, throws of addiction, fleeing abuse, or just out of prison can be an energy sapper. 

I don't think there is anything wrong about being unhappy about cruelty... What is perhaps more disturbing is how many don't bat an eyelid about cruelty in all its forms. Hopefully, since you are already out to so many, there are a few supporters around you. If so, then maybe in the midst of those who are unkind you can grab on to those who have helped on your family journey.

Take care...