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T Question

Started by Kentrie, September 04, 2011, 09:59:24 PM

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Kentrie

I just got done talking to my mom about going back to the doctor and asking him to put me on T and she said that she didn't want to have any part in it because she doesn't know what will happen to my body if I take it, she thinks it'll be something life threatening and she said god made me this way for a reason and she's against me taking T (She's normally VERY supportive except when it comes to me wanting to take T, she ordered me a packer and sometimes uses male pronouns) Do I only need her permission to take T? She said she would give permission but she will not have anything to do with me taking T. I just feel so suicidal right now because she said she sits and cries about what I am and wonders if she did something to make me be this way. I'm seriously considering cutting myself or hanging myself.
Push it baby, push it baby, out of control, I got my gun cocked tight and I'm ready to blow. ;)
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JesseO

Give your mom some time to adjust. Try and keep in my that although T has been on your mind for a very long time and you've probably done a ton of research on it, your mom hasn't. Keep the lines of communication open. Find some reliable sources that explain the heath effects of Testosterone and share them with her. There was a really good free pamphlet I found a few months back - if I come across it again I'll share it with you.

I didn't start T when I was a minor, so I am not sure how exactly it works. I think though that once she gives permission she does not actually need to be "involved" per say.

I know your mom isn't being the most helpful, but try to appreciate that she does assist with getting the packer and trying to use male pronouns. That is a very good sign that she will most likely come around.

Cutting yourself or otherwise hurting youself is not going to help. It's not going to make you get on T any faster or help the situation at all. I know, I've been there. I think a lot of us have. I used to cut and burn myself thinking it made things better. Now, I just have a bunch of scars that I really hate. What do you like to do to relax? Listen to music? Play video games? Do you have a favorite movie? Try to do something to keep your mind off the stress. Take it one day at a time. I know it's not easy, but you will get to where to you need to be.
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Kentrie

I'll try listening to music. My brother died when I was 7 from a rare disease so maybe that's why she's so worried.
Push it baby, push it baby, out of control, I got my gun cocked tight and I'm ready to blow. ;)
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Sharky

How do you think your mom will feel if you killed Yourself? Do you think she deserves to loose another son?
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zombiesarepeaceful

But when you feel like that it doesn't always matter how it would impact another person, because its your life, your crap you have to put up with, not someone elses...call it selfish, it is what it is
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dmx

She is worried about nothing.... the risks of T are no greater than the ones they pose to cisgendered men - HRT replaces your female risks, such as that of breast cancer, with male ones such as heart disease. But the risk is no more and no less than that of the general population. That is what my endo told me and I have read from various sources online.

About the "God made you this way for a reason" thing - would she say the same about a child born with a cleft palate or extra thumb or tail or ambiguous genitals? Does "God never make mistakes" apply to children born with harlequin-type ichthyosis? (Google-Image that, it's disgusting). Your mom better hope she never needs a medical procedure because last time I checked God doesn't do those.
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JohnAlex

Quote from: Sharky on September 05, 2011, 12:37:50 AM
How do you think your mom will feel if you killed Yourself? Do you think she deserves to loose another son?

Yeah, fck what his mom deserves.  She's the one being unaccepting and driving her son to suicide.

This is about Kentrie and what he needs in his life to make it worth living. 

Kentrie, I don't know exactly what to tell you man.  I guess I'll just tell you what I always tell myself when I'm feeling depressed and suicidal...
That I may hate my life right now and I may find so many things unbearable, and I may question why life is worth living, why do we bother when we're all going to die in the end.  But then I try to stop myself and realize that these are just feelings.  and I remember back to a very happy memory, and I remember what it feels like to be happy and to be in a good place in life.  and I want that.  and I know that IF I was in a happy and good place right now, that I would suddenly find life worth living just for the experience of getting to feel good. 

And Kentrie, if you ever feel like no matter what you do you just feel suicidal and you don't think you can make those feelings go away on your own, then maybe you should tell your parents so that they can get you a therapist and/or medication.  because although it does suck to be trans and have unaccepting people in your life, but that may not be the only cause of your depression.

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Alex37

This may help your mom:  http://nickgorton.org/  "Medical Therapy and Health Maintenance for Transgender Men"

It was written for health care providers who are just learning about how to treat transgender clients, and it contains statistics, such as "administering HRT reduces suicide rates by 2000%" (1% of post T trans men vs 20% of pre T trans men are suicidal, according to the book.)  If she has more information about the benefits of HRT, maybe she'll be more supportive of you starting.  It sounds like she wants the best for you, but she just doesn't understand or know how to cope with it.

Don't give up.  Life is difficult for everyone, and no one understands anyone else's situation and perspective perfectly.  It's your decision of course, but my advice is to do what you need to do to stay healthy first, and then try to work with your mom to help her with her own fears.  Your first responsibility is to your own well being.  After that, educating the people in your life is worthwhile because we all need each other, and the more people you have on your side, the better.  Just because your mom is against you taking T, doesn't mean she's against you; she's probably just ignorant and scared.  Taking care of yourself first may involve patience and strategy, i.e. you may want to find a job and a place to live before you start T if it's likely that you'll get kicked out of your house for doing so, but you can get through it.  And when you do get through it, your mom will likely see that you're better off, and it seems like that's what she wants.  So, take care man and good luck!

If you're going through hell, keep going.   Winston Churchill
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Sharky

His mom deserves some credit. She's trying to be supportive, buying him a packer and whatnot. It's not like she doesn't want him to start T fur some transphobic reason. She is worried about his health. She needs time to learn and adjust. You can't expect everyone to automatically get it and become 100% supportive. I'm sure there is more than one thing driving him to suicide.
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Kitoro

Quote from: Sharky on September 05, 2011, 01:31:10 AM
His mom deserves some credit. She's trying to be supportive, buying him a packer and whatnot. It's not like she doesn't want him to start T fur some transphobic reason. She is worried about his health. She needs time to learn and adjust. You can't expect everyone to automatically get it and become 100% supportive. I'm sure there is more than one thing driving him to suicide.

This

Also, to someone that hasn't spent hours apon hours reading up on the subject,  reading and hearing real life experience with HRT is going to be worried about what it sounds like,  hormone replacement,  to someone without knowledge it sounds scary.

You should try educate your mom about this, find places where she can go and read about it, when you know all the facts it becomes a lot less scary,



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Jasper

Quote from: Sharky on September 05, 2011, 01:31:10 AM
His mom deserves some credit. She's trying to be supportive, buying him a packer and whatnot. It's not like she doesn't want him to start T fur some transphobic reason. She is worried about his health. She needs time to learn and adjust. You can't expect everyone to automatically get it and become 100% supportive. I'm sure there is more than one thing driving him to suicide.

I completely agree. I wish my mom takes the news half as well as yours seems to have. My mother simply despised me coming out as a lesbian (all I really knew back then was that I like girls...I shoved the rest of my feelings back into their bottle).

As far as suicide/self harm: don't do it. I know you feel like you want to, but trust me. It's not worth it. There's no way your life isn't worth living anymore...and proof is in the fact that your mom bought you a packer and uses the correct pronouns occasionally. I'm pretty sure that that's more than I can hope for from my mom.

Plus you never know what's gonna happen tomorrow!
~Jasper~
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anibioman

well your mother doesnt have to be to involed but it would be difficult trying to pay for it and setting everything up. your mom is going to give you permission and thats a really good start, my mother is really against me taking T. she thinks im to young to be making this decision to change my body, which really pisses me off because i didnt choose anything.

Jasper

Haha at least your parents know...mine right now just think I've always been a tomboy...I think they've just been ignoring that when I was really young I wanted to be spiderman for Halloween for three years straight hahaha

But I'm coming out to my dad tomorrow. Should be a time.
~Jasper~
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