Well they both happen but not always in that order.  My Dad died last night. I never did get acceptance from him and I really wanted that.

Dealing with funeral arrangements and some really weird family issues is draining me big time. I feel like I'm moving under water. I need sleep but can't, Some family is trying to be cool, most don't care to try. One is trying to make everything about her and upsetting my mother badly. There is already inheritance fighting going on.

The land is unable to be sold due to a contract with a mining firm and mom can't pay the bills. Funerals are expensive, thankfully my dad took out a life insurance policy 2 years ago. It is enough to cover the expenses of the funeral itself and some transport issues as my mother doesn't drive and lives in the boondocks.


Going through photos and seeing some of me at a younger age has been....disturbing.  Now what do I do? I know no one can really answer that and I will figure it out but, that is where my mind is at atm.

Later folks. Funerals raise hell with GID.

You mean funerals and family, don't you? Thinking of you, big hugs, Tracey

Terribly sorry to hear that. All the best to you and your family.

I'm sorry to hear this. Take care of your mom and what she needs if you can. Let everything else take a back seat. Times like this is when difficult relationships really get ugly-been there done that. If you can, say very little to the difficult ones. If you can stay cool and level-headed things will work themselves out.

Randi

May everything get better and may you find peace

Aww crap. Hugs to you and hope things get better soon.

Jennifer

My condolences to you.   

I know I'm going to be feeling similar when a family member of mine passes away.

Kat, that's unfortunate. I really hope you get through this with the help of your family rather than despite the lack of it.

We're all here for you!

I'm very sorry for your loss.  You and your family will be in my thoughts.

Can't say anything that will help, but my thoughts are with you Kat. I hope you all come thro this ok

My condolences to you and your family. I hope you manage to get a good nights sleep.

Sad to hear of your Dad's passing Kat.   At least you can honour his memory by being the sort of son he should have had a chance to know.  Just don't bottle it all up.

Karen.

Hi Dear,
* Going through photos and seeing some of me at a younger age has been....disturbing.  Now what do I do? I know no one can really answer that and I will figure it out but, that is where my mind is at atm. *

I have a notion what you may refer to by what you say.
One day it HIT me like a truck, my mom (and only parent) having died so long ago when I was age 12, that she never knew nor could have accepted me for a girl, I still was when she passed away. (In boy-guise, OK)

When I went into that space (like 'speaking to a loved on' at a grave side) I went into bad fits of crying and it seemed, after sooo many years past - it was the first time we (her and I) had to come clear.
IT WAS VERY DISTURBING, TOUGH... but I knew it had to be done.

So when I 'spoke' to her I addressed her as the daughter she never spoke to, and I asked her to be OK with it all. It was heart breaking, still is in a way.

Whilst I'm typing I have tears down my face... it just shows what a touchy issue it still is.

We, all of us, admitted or not admitted, are still ever so much in need to be accepted by the people that brought us into this world.
It is so important to be able to FEEL this! Acceptance.

That was coming up for me when I read your lines,
Axelle

Kat:

My condolences to you at this time of loss.  Know that your father's spirit now sees you as the son he always had.  This is a time for mourning and reflection.  You may not be able to bridge the gap between you and those that have anger, so do not let that prevent you from allowing your sadness to be expressed.

Your family here loves you and holds you gently.  May peace come to you.

-Sandy

Condolences, LordKAT.

I went through this 2 months into transition. Feel free to pm me if ya need to bend a virtual ear.

Kat,

I am sorry to here of the passing of your Father.  I also would like to pass along my condolences to you and your Mom. 

Sorry for your loss.

Lots of ugliness surfaces at times like these; people fighting over petty things and money they hope to get.  It is sad.

Condolences.


Jay

Thanks, all of you, for your kind words.

Axelle,

I wasn't sure you caught what I was feeling until the end of your post. I was wrong, it hit it spot on. Thanks for sharing your experience and defining it well. I had tried for a long time to tell myself it didn't matter, but it really did.

Aunt Sandy,
Thanks for your thoughtful advice. There is some anger there, and a whole lot of other feelings too. I will worry about expressing anything after my mother gets through the funeral. It isn't until Tuesday. Meanwhile, letting her cry and try to be here when she is trying to sort through her thoughts out loud is strange but I think helpful.

My dad died the way he wanted, at home and without a lingering illness. That much brings comfort in some ways. It just left my mother very unprepared.

Jay,

You hit the fighting thing alright. My sister, same night dad died, told me and my other sister that a house they have is being transferred to her oldest son.  My mother says her(my mother's) name is on the deed and that this is not true. My dad wanted me to have it but she isn't sure what she is going to do with it yet. My sister that did this has tried to have the whole farm left to her oldest.

The pettiness of her doing  that and insisting on it the last 2 days is disheartening.  There is no will and my nephew has cost them a lot of money over the years. I think my mother gets the whole kit and kaboodle and can do what she wants with it. That nephew and my mother are not on the best terms but she doesn't hate him. So why all this worry about something that my mom wants to sort out after she has taken care of bills, taxes, legal junk, selling the farm, etc.

Uh oh, this is turning into a rant. You have just touched on the one thing making this more difficult than it needs. I really do thank you for understanding and your kind thoughts.


I'm glad to have all of you to share with.

Randi, you also had some great advice and I totally agree with it. You expressed well some of the things happening in few words. (A talent I don't have) Thanks

Sorry for your loss. I know its really hard but you will get through it.  It took me a long time to get over my moms passing but in time it gets better.