Like all the previous posters I can only agree that GID makes life hell until it is resolved.
Definitely find an experienced, reputable Gender Therapist and with their help sort out your feelings and the various options.
Using a Testosterone suppressor would take a lot of the pressure off you mentally too.
Main thing is you are recognising what is going on and making some progress, even if slow, to a resolution.
It's true that life isn't easy, as one of our Prime Ministers used to love to say, but he forgot the second half of the quote, "but it can be glorious."
Karen.

Honestly, the thing I love about myself is all my life, I planned on having huge careers (acting, singing, writing, filmmaking, the whole works) because I knew I wanted to quickly afford various surgeries and treatments that would make me prettier, and on a much more serious note, the things I've been through, transgender related or not, has inspired me to write 30 screenplays, a stage play, 7 books, multiple symphonies, an entire album's worth of vocal+acoustic songs, and all that mess. As well, I knew that a very grand lifestyle (traveling, hard-earned riches, ect ect) would be something that would have a chance at milding my disorder to the point that I could take it as a slower process.

Personally, I've grown to want to transition more than anything, well before I rise up in my career, but what I love is that I still plan on doing every career move I've ever planned for. I didn't plan those things as an escape or distraction from my disorder, but I planed them because I was inspired by it. I even planned those things well before I knew what my disorder was; I wrote my first book and collection of poems at age 8, the book having evolved to one of my current most proud works. I've always lived life being inspired to dream for things well outside of being transgender, and transitioning into the opposite gender is not going to change who I am or what I want to do with my life in the least. I actually want to transition to better lead the lifestyle I already proudly live.

Quote from: confused21 on September 11, 2011, 10:38:26 PM
So please is there any way that I can make these feelings go away? Anyway to stop being transgender?

Short and to the point answers.

A) Being transgendered is a VERY tough thing, I wouldn't wish this on anybody.

B) These feeling just don't go away. I tried getting married (failure!), etc etc and nothing stopped it.

C) The only way to stop being/feeling TG is to transition. I finally feel "cured".

Transition is scary and full of risks, thank goodness 99% of the things I was afraid would happen just didn't.

Quote from: Stephe on September 13, 2011, 10:05:00 PM
A) Being transgendered is a VERY tough thing, I wouldn't wish this on anybody.

I would wish it on everyone It would give people a better understanding of what gender really is and break down the discrimination that genders face.

The thing is, ->-bleeped-<- (of some form or another) isn't that uncommon. Not all need to do hormones or go through full surgery...

The more people who are transgendered, the better the world becomes. The more we can break down the imaginary walls society sets up for us...and move forward with some understanding of eachother.

Being transgendered doesn't have to be a painful experience filled with fear. If it were more accepted, it would simply be a beautiful time of self discovery and growth...

So, yup, I wish ->-bleeped-<- on everyone

Quote from: Rabbit on September 14, 2011, 02:43:28 AM

Being transgendered doesn't have to be a painful experience filled with fear. If it were more accepted, it would simply be a beautiful time of self discovery and growth...

In a perfect world I would agree, but we aren't there yet and today, being transgendered is a painful experience filled with fear for most people.

From the other side of transition, I can see a lot of what you posted is true about seeing both sides of gender from our perspective etc. But the problem is right now it's not "more accepted" but that also seems to be slowly changing and I try to be a part of this positive change. I suppose my point was I wouldn't wish having to sort out how to deal with being transgendered in today's world on anyone. IMHO if you make a list of the positives on one side vs the problems on the other, I'm getting a much shorter list on the positive side.

I am NOT saying there is anything wrong with being TG/TS, just that it's usually a painful experience to have to deal with emotionally and sometimes physically as well.

Quote from: confused21 on September 11, 2011, 10:38:26 PM
So please is there any way that I can make these feelings go away?

No. You can suppress them at the cost of becoming (more) neurotic. Of course that will have a negative impact on the relationships you are trying to save by suppressing it. In the words of Bender from Futurama, you're boned.

Quote from: Rabbit on September 14, 2011, 02:43:28 AM
I would wish it on everyone It would give people a better understanding of what gender really is and break down the discrimination that genders face.

Any man would benefit from having to live as a woman for a year. But I still wouldn't wish trans on anyone who wasn't already.

Quote from: Stephe on September 14, 2011, 10:56:09 AM
In a perfect world I would agree, but we aren't there yet and today, being transgendered is a painful experience filled with fear for most people.

The thing is, the bigotry towards trans people isn't everywhere. You can (with a bit of work) find a place that you fit in... a place that is safe and around people who accept you. If you find that, suddenly being trans isn't so bad anymore.

Sure, I have had the fear of rejection and discrimination... but as I tell more people around me and find some acceptance, those fears diminish.

I think if you focus on a larger scale view of the world and how much bigotry is "out there" towards us, you percieve things worse than they are.

When I read about abuses or murder or suicides of trans people... I become much more scared for a bit. Worried that the entire world is like that and if anyone finds out my "secret", I would surely be attacked the next day walking to my car.

But that is simply because I am focusing on all the bad, and letting it poison my own experience and perception of reality. Turning a rather beautiful experience into one that is shadowed by fear.

Sure we have to be careful and not put ourselves into sittuations which could end badly. But really, going to the store you aren't likely to get randomly attacked just because you look different (at worse, maybe some people will stare and whisper if you look very out of place).

Basically, being trans isn't as bad as some people make it out to be It is more the repeated dialogue of "this is a birth defect! I am a freak! No one will love me!" that causes a LOT of anxiety to younger trans people. Sure, you need to be aware that you might run into problems and some people you run into might be ignorant pieces of crap (everyone runs into people like that, trans or not)... but the overall message should be "it is beautiful! transitioning is finally being yourself! you will find people who accept you and be happier than you ever have been! This isn't bad! You should be excited for things to come!"

Quote from: Rabbit on September 14, 2011, 08:41:24 PM

Sure, I have had the fear of rejection and discrimination... but as I tell more people around me and find some acceptance, those fears diminish.

I have lived as an openly transgendered person for 10+ years. Being TG isn't horrible in most places but it's a painful thing to have to come to terms with. Something non-trans people don't. It's something I would not wish on anyone to have to deal with. Life has so many other problems, why add this one on top of everything?

Maybe you feel "blessed" to having been born transgendered? I have found it to be a real complication in my life that has created a lot of unnecessary anxiety and unhappiness over the years. I don't see it as a birth defect etc but it def makes finding a -happy place- a LOT more complex than for non-trans people. It took till I am 50 years old to finally feel good about myself. And for me, the good points of being TG don't outweigh the problems. Like your quote "Transitioning is finally becoming yourself", non trans people don't have to transition to start living and being happy as the right gender, something that is at the very basic lvl of human existence. At best a transgender person has to suffer through many years of confusion and turmoil.

I guess we are going to have to just agree we disagree here. I don't see myself as "defective" but I don't feel I was given a blessing having been dealt this hand either. The blessing would have been: being born the other sex to start with. I don't think people should hide they are trans or be afraid to become whatever finally makes them happy. I just don't see this as something that's a bonus to be born with.

Quote from: Stephe on September 14, 2011, 09:46:12 PM
Maybe you feel "blessed" to having been born transgendered?

being born transgendered has caused me lots of pain and anxiety, but that's mainly because my parents wound't even hear me talk about the theme, no less let me dress or behave the way i wanted to. i still wouldn't be without it because it has led me on a quest to find my true self, causing me to find a much bigger world than i'd have otherwise, and a university of infinite possibilities. being a non-binary, transitioning is a possibility, but the result would probably not be an easily identifiable man or woman, and still not too close to what i'd want it to be

to the op i just want to say that if you can actually understand some of those rules that seem to apply to girls, then you're already a much better woman than i could ever hope to be even with my natural female body. it is ok to be terrified of making an extreme life changing decision, at least that shows you're thinking about this seriously

It usually isnt you causing yourself problems and issues. Its others doing that to you because they dont understand. They see a freak show, jerry springer guest and it causes them to question their own sexuality when you've transitioned, i.e. "She's so hot, but I know she wasn't born a woman... am I gay?" I'm well aware that for all my male co-workers that I see on a daily basis, this is weird. And as time goes by and my body continues to become more feminine, its going to get a little more awkward. But also as time goes on, The women at work are accepting more and more. I've had discussions on a wide range of topics, although Make-up seems to have popped up 3 times. So and So doesnt like my nail polish, She doesnt like my lip color [ I wear a tinted lip balm], This color eyeshadow would look great with your dark brown eyes.. Which is all good. no point me getting all dolled up for work given my job position, as I tend to get covered in oil and grease. And I am slowly being pushed out of the men's club for men.

Overall, I'm finally happy to be myself. And I dare some of these people who think it's all fun and games to go out one day in a dress, make-up and heels and experience the fear that we feel taking our first baby steps on our path to freedom.

Quote from: Keaira on September 15, 2011, 12:04:59 PM
Overall, I'm finally happy to be myself. And I dare some of these people who think it's all fun and games to go out one day in a dress, make-up and heels and experience the fear that we feel taking our first baby steps on our path to freedom.

OMG YES!
Who's looking?
Why are they looking?
Is it a god or bad look?
But it's also so very exhilarating, and yet comfortable and right at the same time.

Quote from: _Jess_ on September 15, 2011, 12:15:30 PM
OMG YES!
Who's looking?
Why are they looking?
Is it a god or bad look?
But it's also so very exhilarating, and yet comfortable and right at the same time.

EXACTLY!!
It's freakin' scary as heck that first time out in public. I did it by going to walmart and buying something. this was Pre-HRT and surprisingly I wasn't even given a 2nd glance. but it felt like God was watching, and he has a mighty stare. It took me an hour to pluck up the courage to get out of the car and go in in the first place and I was shaking when I got back in it.

Quote from: Keaira on September 15, 2011, 12:28:32 PM
It took me an hour to pluck up the courage to get out of the car and go in in the first place and I was shaking when I got back in it.

HAHAHA!
It was a grocery store that I've never been to for myself, I didn't have the courage to actually checkout though.
Sat in the car for a while, then got out and stood there.
Then shaking all the way home.

Quote from: Rabbit on September 14, 2011, 02:43:28 AM
I would wish it on everyone It would give people a better understanding of what gender really is and break down the discrimination that genders face.

The thing is, ->-bleeped-<- (of some form or another) isn't that uncommon. Not all need to do hormones or go through full surgery...

The more people who are transgendered, the better the world becomes. The more we can break down the imaginary walls society sets up for us...and move forward with some understanding of eachother.

Being transgendered doesn't have to be a painful experience filled with fear. If it were more accepted, it would simply be a beautiful time of self discovery and growth...

So, yup, I wish ->-bleeped-<- on everyone

It's why imagination was the word I repeated over and over as a child I knew it was core to Being more basic than anything, as an adult I realised mature imagination is guided by empathy for other Beings.  What's so bad about being the wrong gender?  Not having true happiness is the answer.

Imagination is a fantastic thing there's two sides to it. 
The negative side of imagination is a narrowing, hard simple-minded logic and reason.  This is the force of death.
The positive side is a blooming.  Life and shared experience, where the scarcity of resources shown to be a myth.  Geoism is where we create resources and use only what we need to grow along with all other Beings.  This is the force of life.

At 58 years old wrestling with this since my earliest memories, drug addiction, suicide attempts, career and Life in shambles, I am finally at the point of acceptance or die. I dress feminine now slacks and tops but only to the point of ambiguity, it's a horrible thing to try and deny my true self and I just cannot anymore, I just wish I had the resources to transition.

i know the feeling. i first made the astonishing revelation in my middle school karate class. i didnt know the pants i wore were girl pants. so i kept wearing them and it felt...right. during my karate class, i had on a sleeveless shirt and those bedazzled boot cut tight pants on and i just started in the mirror. everything else around me just vanished and all i saw was me with the biggest, most genuine smile ever. you see, i dont smile, well i cant smile but that moment, it just felt out of this world. of course i didnt know and once i was told that boys dont do that, i threw a fit but i promised myself to spare myself of the pain, i'd forget that moment ever happened, but it did. even as i think about it, me at the age of 10, i can't help but to smile like a village idiot. its hard, and i wouldnt wish this on my worst enemy but its ingrained in our being so unfortunately denying it means denying ourselves. when i abadoned that moment, i felt nothing but a big black hole in my soul and even as i continued to fight it, it pain just kept getting stronger and stronger. i wish i knew at 10 what was happening and i could honestly say, i would of been much happier.     

I'm honestly a bit uncomfortable with being labeled a "transgender woman" as I simply identify as a woman, simpliciter.  Nevertheless, this is the way I've been trying to rethink it: there are some mtf who really embrace being trans whereas others just want to be a non-trans woman.  This is not to deny that you've gone through a transition, but to simply assert that you are that very thing, and not some outsider with only a similarity to that thing. 

However, perhaps that way of thinking really just doesn't understand what it means to be a trans woman.  Maybe the right way to think about it is that being a trans woman really is just a kind of woman! And that should be considered so no more or less than a cis woman, who also simply is just a kind of woman.

I don't think I will ever be able accept the fact that I'm transgender.

OTOH --

I'm 67 yrs old, have been "doing this" since like forever. I don't remember not feeling like I'd prefer being female. Like 4 yrs. old and recognizing differences between me and my sister.

I look like a man in a dress. Able to "pass" if it's dark, and I'm dressed like a female jock in workout clothes. *LMAO* Large enough house, secure income, VA disability for gender ID and PTSD. Probably more female clothes than male, I don't have any problems buying what I want.

I'm not going to jump though a bunch of medical/legal/religious hoops so I can wear a dress or use the women's restroom. Not going to change my name or who I am.

Physically male, hetero-sexual male, but wish I looked like Nicole Kidman, or whatever. I don't have a sexual relationship going on -- which simplifies things. "Coming out" is moot -- parents are deceased. Other relatives are pretty loose around "non normative gender."

There's no requirement to declare gender, go through transition, submit to invasive medical procedures. There's space out there where we can be who we are -- be  both of who we are -- without heaps of complication.

There's a normative gender dyad out there, culturally determined and culturally hegemonic. "None of the Above" is a legitimate choice. Granted, somewhat easier when one is not trying to juggle the sexual relationship thing . . .

Hey Allison I like your attitude and signature line, welcome aboard.

I have met exactly no one who "wants to be transgender" and I have been part of the LGBTQ world all my long adult life.  I have, however, met many people who accept that they are transgender, embrace this reality and take steps to transition or find a place where they are comfortable with being their true and authentic self.  Hiding, guarding behaviors, and acting like we are something we are not is far more damaging than dealing with the truth IMO.