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Future with Spouse

Started by qUiRkY qUeEn, September 14, 2011, 07:40:27 PM

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qUiRkY qUeEn

I know that no one can tell me what will happen in the future. But my spouse just asked me what would I do if we lost our house, she had a hard time finding a job due to her being trans, we lived in a small apartment. We live in Las Vegas and in October the Anti Disrimination Law for Transgender will come into effect. She is a great worker, everyone loves her, she has not come out to work yet. She works for the Electrical Union. They gave her a company van so that is good news.

When they start to ask and possibly figure out she is trans, we have no idea what to expect. Regarding our financial structure due to her being trans girl. I am not materialistic by any means, but I do wonder about our structure, home, job, etc. peace of mind.

I do not care if we do need to live in an apartment, or I have to hold the bills for a while, or work two jobs, I can manage with that. I do not mind moving to a more trans friendly envirnoment. She wants to know if I can handle this stress. I tell her my goal is to stay with her through the end.. I am doing the best I can.

Is her being trans going to possibly always be a stressor in our relationship? We both want freedom of the negativity, true happiness, live a normal life together as a happily married couple. I tend to think about this alot.. I LOVE HER WITH ALL OF MY HEART and I would love for our lives to eventually go back to how they were...
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Renate

We don't hear from a lot of union members here.
I used to have some association with unions.
A union worth its salt will go to bat for you.
I would definitely check that out as a resource.

For AFL-CIO there is Pride at Work (transgender page).
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qUiRkY qUeEn

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jamiejo

Quote from: qUiRkY qUeEn on September 14, 2011, 07:40:27 PM
I know that no one can tell me what will happen in the future. But my spouse just asked me what would I do if we lost our house, she had a hard time finding a job due to her being trans, we lived in a small apartment. We live in Las Vegas and in October the Anti Disrimination Law for Transgender will come into effect. She is a great worker, everyone loves her, she has not come out to work yet. She works for the Electrical Union. They gave her a company van so that is good news.

When they start to ask and possibly figure out she is trans, we have no idea what to expect. Regarding our financial structure due to her being trans girl. I am not materialistic by any means, but I do wonder about our structure, home, job, etc. peace of mind.

I do not care if we do need to live in an apartment, or I have to hold the bills for a while, or work two jobs, I can manage with that. I do not mind moving to a more trans friendly envirnoment. She wants to know if I can handle this stress. I tell her my goal is to stay with her through the end.. I am doing the best I can.

Is her being trans going to possibly always be a stressor in our relationship? We both want freedom of the negativity, true happiness, live a normal life together as a happily married couple. I tend to think about this alot.. I LOVE HER WITH ALL OF MY HEART and I would love for our lives to eventually go back to how they were...

Firstly, it's totally amazing you are standing by your loved one.  You totally have my respect!!!

My wife left me last year because I'm trans, but we are still great friends and have come interests and friends.  No one has picked sides. 

When I decided to transition, I thought I would lose my family, friends, job and all my money!  I was thinking and planning for the worst.  Then I focused on the positive, developed a detailed "transition plan" (me, HRT, Surgery, Name Change, Coming Out, Job Transition) and just executed it.  Lost no one - just invested alot of money into my body.  Doesn't get an simpler.  I actually transitioned at three jobs all in the same week, so easy.  Sure I had stress and anxiety, but every time I achieve something on my transition plan, the stress and anxiety levels go down.

What would I have done if I did lose everything?  Just like a cat, I always land on my feet, because I planned the fall in the first place.

Your spouse is so lucky you are supportive, good luck with everything.
Jamie
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qUiRkY qUeEn

Thank you Jamie. I do not plan on leaving my spouse, but I need to see her happy. Her hormone levels are crazy right now. She has almost zero T in her system right now. She just started seeing a doctor that specializes in Trans folks. I NEED some support LOL This week for her has been pure darkness!!! I think her having the low T is making her depressed. We have had talks of this and we know that is the cause. The other weeks have not been so dang hard for her. She is like stuck in this darkness and I see things that she could be happy about. I feel that her chemical imbalace is off big time. So Jamie, if you do not mind me asking how long were you and your wife together? We have been together for 9 years. This is so extremely tuff to see my spouse take this transition walk only because she is so hard on herself about it. She is looking prettier ever day. She is now 170 lbs. she was 211 in may great acheivment!!! I just want to shake all of these feeling from her and she can turn into the angel I know that she is on the inside!!! Hormone Levels Rise please!!!!! Can you tell me what it was like for you to start transitioning? If you do not mind opening that door back up for me again..I need support from ppl that have been through this before
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jamiejo

Okay, so I was married 10 years.  I did come out in 2005 to my ex-wife, she convinced me not to transition and I was not prepared for it either.  Move forward 5 years, I was totally ready to start my transition.

So, firstly I hope you are either seeing a therapist or counselor yourself.  If not, you need a smack on the back of your hand!!!  You are also dealing with a lot of emotions, understanding, shock, grief, stress, emotions.  I actually organized therapy for my parents before I told them.  Yes, I plan for everything.

Okay, HRT affects everyone differently.  There is a balancing act of working out the best "cocktail" mix to prescribe.  The doctor/endo should start with a low dose and slowly increase and Hormone levels balance out. 

Even though I'm full time, I still occasionally see my therapist, this is the best money I have spent on my transition.  The key to transition is to accept transition is only a small part of your life, there is so much more to live for!!! BTW I'm charging you $150 hr to provide this advice!!!  Hee hee hee

Have a great weekend,
Jamie
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annette

Hi qUiRkY qUeEn

I don't know how the laws and rules are in Nevada because I'm living in another country but, when I read your message I was touched by the love you feel for eachother, it was giving me a warm feeling, thanks for that.

BTW, couldn't you find a more complicated nickname to write? LOL

hugs
Annette
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qUiRkY qUeEn

annette LOL you are too funny LOL LOL Thank you for making me smile!!! Trans folks will be protected in the workplace in Nevada in October of 2011!!! WOOO HOOOO!!! We have come along way for sure in our relationship!! Alot of growth and now that she is transitioning lots more growth to go!! :/

Jamiejo,
I am sorry to hear that :( I hope you are happy tho. That is all that matters. It is good you plan for everything that is how my spouse is!! Has always made my life easier!! :) We are seeing a therapist, I am seeing her tomorrow by myself. I like her, she is MTF. It is comforting to listen to someone with experience!! I do have to catch my breath alot tho!!!!! She is looking so pretty!!!

I need to learn to not freeze up when she is happy!! My confidence level kinda plumets at times because of the changes and my spouse is at time critical of my statement I make to her and I get upset because I am only trying to help her. I have always had a hard time comminicating LOL Thank you so much girls!!
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tekla

I'm union, and my union is highly supportive.  They have a contingent march in the Pride parade every year, we have lots of out gay members, and several other members who have transition as union member, under our health plan which covers all of it.  Of course we had a history of that as we cover make-up artists, costume/wardrobe people and set decorators in movies, TV and theater so it's had a very gay aspect to it historically.  Hell, there is even a picture of me on the wall of shame at the office, dressed to the nines in fetish slutwear, tool-belt around my waist doing the rigging for one of the big fetish events here.  They point to it to show how accommodating we are to clients needs.  (Me, I was thinking, 'damn, and they pay me for this.')  But, it the IATSE local in San Francisco, so it may not be an accurate model for all trade labor unions and locals. 

First they are going to follow the law, or make every appearance of it.  Second many unions have fairly socially progressive policies because they have long been associated with progressive politics and the progressive coalition.  However, what the national policy may state is really up to the locals to determine, so I'd look and see how they treat out and obvious gay and lesbian members and use that as a guide.

Also, since status and seniority are pretty much sacred to unions, even if they don't much cotton to the whole TG thing, they would be loathe to do anything that would be seen to go against those two principals.  You know, 'you can always tell a journeyman, but you can't tell them much.'  And once you reach that full member/journeyman level you're pretty much in for life barring some beyond the pale screw-up.

The other thing is that your honey has real skills. It's not like working at a call center, or being a clerk, or doing customer service where any employer can pretty much go out and grab the next person walking down the sidewalk to replace you.  Electrical work has to be done to code, and it takes years to learn that, so you've got that going for you too.  And, if your sweetheart is a IBEW journeyman there is nothing to prevent moving to another local and working there.
FIGHT APATHY!, or don't...
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