Hiya.
Recently, I've become even more confused than originally was.
I've started to doubt whether or not I'm 'trans-anything' at all..

At first, I was really into it;
I wanted to be a guy so badly, that it actually started to hurt...
- But as of late, I've started doubting myself, and if i'm really transgender or anything at all. D:
Now i'm starting to believe that maybe I'm just a tomboy, and I've that always been, but I was too confused and everything about the whole teenage, "trying to find yourself" thing.. if you know what I mean.
Maybe, I thought wrong.
Maybe it's just me being a teenager..
Trying to find out who I am and where I belong..
I don't know anymore.

I find myself lately being pulled toward the cutesy things.. Hello kitty, pink stuff.. stuff like that.
But now, I feel like a fraud, a fake..

Please, if you have any questions, ask (because I'm sure I probably didn't explain well enough... ^.^")
I just want someone else's opinion.. maybe to help me clarify this, I don't even know myself..
I just want to find out if this is normal, if this is just a phase and maybe I never was trans-anything.. >.<
Any help is appreciated..
Thanks~

liking cute things doesn't mean you aren't transgendered, it only means you like cute things

there are even heterosexual cis guys who like hello kitty and pink stuff, so there's no reason you can't like it too. you'll only be fake if you deny your real self, if you're a guy who likes cute things then that's not fake, it's just who you are

Quote from: Taka on September 21, 2011, 04:30:45 AM
liking cute things doesn't mean you aren't transgendered, it only means you like cute things

I like cute things, AND I like violent competitive video games.

What does that make me 

 Oh, no, the cute things.. I don't find it's one of the major factors or anything.

Recently, I actually asked myself..'Do I really want to be a boy and do I really want to go through this?' and I answered no..

I just find it strange.. that before, I just wanted this.. SO badly, that it hurt, but now, I don't feel like I'm a boy, and I barely feel the need to go through with anything to be one.. 

I'm not sure, maybe I've gotten used to feeling like a guy because, generally, I'm treated like one by my friends - who are mostly guys.
But then again, maybe I've always been just a tomboy.  .__.

..OR.. maybe I'm just a really effeminate guy? o.O

I'm not sure what I want anymore. >.<

Blagh.

VeryGnawty, I'm not quite sure, hahah
I like violent competitive games and cute things too XD

Quote from: Tiny717 on September 21, 2011, 02:51:49 PM
I like violent competitive games and cute things too XD

They are even better when they are combined.  Pokemon!

Quote from: VeryGnawty on September 21, 2011, 05:24:29 AM
I like cute things, AND I like violent competitive video games.

What does that make me 

Hahahaha I'm exactly the same way.  In fact I'm a hybrid of things that shouldn't mix according to traditional gender roles.  I like sports, violet movies and video games and overall kickassery.  But I also like cute stuff, women's clothing, sappy stories and such.  I've found that overall I feel like I still want to be a woman and not a man such as I am.  I guess I'd just be a tomboy.  Who knows?  Nobody said you can't enjoy both sides of things, the question is which side do you truly want to live as?  That question has haunted me for years and only recently do I think I've come to terms with it and found my answer.

I had a very similar issue when I first started looking into transitioning.  I found that it was easiest to stop thinking about the categories and labels.  Rather than figuring out which heading I fell under I tried to think about various parts of my life and focus on those things from a perspective that was not transition-focused.  I wear short hair because I like short hair.  I don't wear makeup because I felt silly wearing makeup.  I bind my chest because I like how I look flat.  I became much more comfortable through a series of small changes, and I now know I would like to start on hormones because I prefer the characteristics that they would bring. 

I am guessing that you are unhappy with how you are physically if you are considering transitioning.  Why not pick something small and think about how changes to it would make you feel.  Go with what makes you comfortable, and if you find a place that makes you happy or if you hit something that makes things worse, you will have more of an answer.  Nothing wrong with falling somewhere in the middle too. 

QuoteRecently, I actually asked myself..'Do I really want to be a boy and do I really want to go through this?' and I answered no..

No is a valid answer. If you're not ready, that's ok. If you've changed your mind, that's ok. If you feel the need to ask that question again later and the answer is yes, that will be ok too. This is not something to rush into or force yourself to do.

Hi Tiny;

I suppose that the nice thing is that this isn't necessarily a race and you can set your own pace where you feel you are at. You may decide that full transition isn't the path for you. Maybe you'll find a home in between... When it comes to who we are, I think almost everyone has some questions about some aspects of who they really are/were at some point (I mean this in all facets of our life and not just transition). Some things we are sure about and other aspects that we need to unpack and explore. For each person they are different...

In many respects, I'm with Lee. Test the waters on any number of things, but not just clothes. Feel free to go where you need to in a safe way. If you think you need to talk to someone, then you could explore many of these issues with a counsellor and of course we are always here. I know for myself it was really helpful to see all of these questions as an adventure and an opportunity to find myself rather than something to feel terrible about or making a snap decision.

I'm with the tortoise on this one rather than the hare. Hugs...

Lee- I just wanted to thank you for that post.  Sometimes I get too caught up in thinking "Am I this?  What if I'm not that?  What am I?" rather than just doing what makes me feel comfortable. 

Tiny- You're not alone!  Asking questions is normal, and being unsure doesn't mean you're not trans. 

Quote from: Tiny717 on September 21, 2011, 02:51:49 PM
I just find it strange.. that before, I just wanted this.. SO badly, that it hurt, but now, I don't feel like I'm a boy, and I barely feel the need to go through with anything to be one.. 

It may be that you're somewhere in the middle: androgyne, genderqueer, etc.  And that's fine too!  Something I've found helpful is to write down my thoughts.  Example: "When I think about having a male body I feel..." "When I think about living the rest of my life as female, I feel..."  Seeing my thoughts written out in black and white helps me see them more clearly.  Also, I agree with Lee and grrl1nside.  Just start small and do what feels right.  Talking to a therapist was very helpful for me, too.