So this situation is starting to get slightly awkward (for me at least) and I'm kind of feeling like this girl is taking advantage of me. 

One of my co-workers, who I met at work, and who has become one of my closest friends lately.  She doesn't have a car, and has limited public bus access where she lives, so I've started giving her rides home occasionally, and lately I end up hanging out in her bedroom drinking beers and watching TV with her for a couple hours before I go home. (never more than 2 before I drive home)   I am completely out to her, and she is completely cool with me being trans and will call me he when were not around people I'm not out to, like at work.  Problem is I'm starting to really like her, and Its almost feeling like were on a date sometimes, but from comments she has made I don't think she is interested in me as more than a friend.

So last night We had plans to go see the Lion King in the theatre and I ended up meeting up with her and her mom at a pub for food before we went.  Her mom ended up leaving pretty pretty quick after we finished eating saying she didn't want to invade on our night to much, and then sent her a text later asking how the movie was and apologized if she was interuppting a sleep over. Awkward.  Then after the movie, she mentions that she doesn't have a way to get to work today, and somehow its was decided that I would stay over (in her bed) and drive her into work.  I barely slept last night, ended up just lying there next to her, super aware of the fact that she was so close, and basically driving myself crazy.

I'm not really sure what to do anymore.  She is definitly a close friend, and I can talk about ANYTHING with her, but I kind of feel a little used sometimes.  LIke when I haven't seen her all day and then when its time to go home, she will show up at my desk with a stupid grin and be like "you want to drive me home right?"  and its impossible to say no.  She has also said repeatedly that she likes 'Real manly men" and I remind her of the gay guy she used to hang out with.  I don't doubt that she sees me as a guy, but I know she sees me as too much of a platonic gay boy best friend to ever date me.

Well, if you can talk to her about ANYTHING, talk to her about this.

Let her know how you feel, otherwise, she'll never know what's going on in your head.

Not much help, I know, but best of luck!

Quote from: GentlemanRDP on September 25, 2011, 06:40:10 PM
Well, if you can talk to her about ANYTHING, talk to her about this.

Let her know how you feel, otherwise, she'll never know what's going on in your head.

Not much help, I know, but best of luck!

That's pretty  much what I would have said too.

Maybe I should change that to "I can talk to her about anything BUT THIS!".

Maybe I'll get a little braver about it if she ever stops hooking up with the guy who already has 2 kids with 2 different women, and is cheating on number 2 with her.

Im totally whipped now, btw.  I drove out to work again to give her a ride home, almost an hour and a half round trip.  I went to work twice for this girl on my day off.

Dude, it's gonna suck but you need to confront this now. If she sees you as anything other than platonic, and that's possible, kickass. If not, and she's just batting her eyes to get you to work for her, then that needs to end. It's not going to do you any good in any possible way.

I dated a girl like this. She broke up with me a year and a few months into the relationship and still had me dangling on a string. My mom was dying at the same time, too, it was the absolute ->-bleeped-<-tiest situation anyone could be in.

You want to stay friends with her, go ahead. But get over the feelings for her, and make damn sure you put your foot down. There's a huge difference between being a dick and being a doormat - sometimes pissing a girl off is the right thing to do when she's taking you for a free ride.

Quoteif she ever stops hooking up with the guy who already has 2 kids with 2 different women, and is cheating on number 2 with her.

Set your sights a bit higher.  She doesn't think much of herself if she is choosing someone like this.

Just an old fart's opinion.


Jay

Quote from: sneakersjay on September 26, 2011, 08:02:20 AM
Set your sights a bit higher.  She doesn't think much of herself if she is choosing someone like this.

Sorry to say it man but I agree. If she's with a guy and knowing that she's helping him cheat on his girl it would be a major red flag for me. Not judging her because I don't know her, just saying I personally wouldn't be with her knowing she did that.

Ummm... This is a bit awkward because she is also a co-worker. I'm not really sure how close your working relationship is or how well received dating within the same workplace is where you are. It is definitely something to be aware of, especially if there is a reporting relationship (e.g. one is a supervisor or something).

If she asks you to stay the night, ask her if that is as a friend or ... (awkward silence) because you want to respect your relationship. As for the friendship, just tell her that you cannot drive all the time because you do, at least occassionally  , have some plans. Since you probably have a gist of her schedule make some plans for a few of her shifts so that when she phones she can tell you are out or busy. Or, maybe you could say that you have relatives visiting for a week or two that pretty much ends all social life anyway.

Ultimately, I think being honest in your conversations yet sensitive in how you say it will ultimately be the best policy. At least you will know where you stand and can walk away knowing what you need to think about and can begin to work on the unwhipping (also be aware--is this because you really like her or maybe you need to work on your own self-esteem). Just something to think about. Regardless, Good luck...

First.  Learn and apply this favorite message of truckers and bikers (pretty much the same guys):
Gas, Grass, or Ass - Nobody Rides for Free!
Cars - last time I checked at least, and for all the ones I've ever had, run on gas not friendship.

If a woman is willing to share a bed with a guy and sex is not on the table then she really respects you - that's the way I think of it at least.  It is frustrating though, no doubt about that.  But to the degree that your thinking "Gee is she into me at all?" and she is willing to share her bed with you - then the answer is not NO, but HELL NO.  Two people do not share a bed w/o sex being on the table, unless one of them is really set against it.  In this case, since it wasn't you, then it must be her.

Of course I think of it as 'respect' because that way I get to keep some of that 'respect' for myself, because the other way it could be is that she's playing you as a chump, and there ain't no self-respect in Chumpville.

and its impossible to say no
Really?  Try using this word: "No."  If you feel you must elaborate (and I don't know why anyone would need to explain why they couldn't do someone a continuing favor at the drop of a hat) just tell her you have a hot date, have to meet you mom, or the ever popular standby: I can't, something has just come up.  Tell you you would but you have to go out to Good Vibrations and pick up sex toys and some new porn.  That always works for me.  Either they say "Ewwwwww" or they want to go along, in which case you're In Like Flynn.


I barely slept last night, ended up just lying there next to her, super aware of the fact that she was so close, and basically driving myself crazy.
ProTip: You get up, go to the bathroom, spank the monkey and go back to bed and fall asleep.  And hey, just so you get something out of it, might as well masturbate while fantasizing about her.  (It' s OK, she probably doesn't do those things anyway)

Mhrm, quite a difficult situation  If I were you I would talk to her although it may seem very difficult and uncomfortable... Firstly, I would be depressed if I love her and she doesn´t know or if I knew she would not reciprocate my feelings and despite that I would spend so much time with her. And secondly - don´t you have a strange feeling that she abuses you? Yeah, good friends should help each other but good friends also know when to stop because nobody wants to abuse his/her good friend... But that´s just my humble opinion

Wow! She's not your friend she's a player.

Wow! She's not your friend she's a player.

Hey, all she's getting is a ride, I think of players as being a bit more high maintenance.  They want a whole new car.   And if you think that hanging out with her is worth some car trips than it's all good.  To be a bit fair to her, she has been up front about what she likes and how she sees him, and didn't ask him to fall in love with her, or lead him on.

wow... thanks for all the input guys.  I've thought more about it and I really don't want to be her boyfriend.  Sexual frustration and overthinking just made me think I did.  I've gotten into the dating a co-worker mess more than once, and no, never worth it.

And yeah, definitly need to put my foot down a little with the rides home.  When I say its impossible to say no, I know that isn't true, but it kind of feels like it.  We live in a semi rural area where there are 3 busses a day that go near her house, and having gone over a year in the same town without a car, I know how hard it can be to find rides.  I am going to make it clear that I can't always give her rides and that she needs to at least check with me more than 5 minutes before.

and Tekla-  She does make it up to me with cash and grass.

Quote from: kyle_lawrence on September 25, 2011, 07:00:55 PM
Maybe I should change that to "I can talk to her about anything BUT THIS!".

Maybe I'll get a little braver about it if she ever stops hooking up with the guy who already has 2 kids with 2 different women, and is cheating on number 2 with her.

Im totally whipped now, btw.  I drove out to work again to give her a ride home, almost an hour and a half round trip.  I went to work twice for this girl on my day off.

THATS YOUR ANSWER  tell her she is cheating on two other women who are cheating and your just not interested in people like her. maybe just start with telling her you joined a gym and your not going to be able to give her rides anymore.. she is usuing the heck out of you.. run fast ..

and Tekla-  She does make it up to me with cash and grass.

There you go, no playing going on, heck, usually you only get one of the three.