I was going to create a poll for this, but there would have been way to many options, so I'm just hoping to read your own stories.  From what I've heard and read, it seems like cis gay guys usually won't date trans guys, especially pre op, and gay trans guys aren't exactly everywhere (except maybe San Francisco, but I can't move there anytime soon.)  I've finally mostly gotten over my last boyfriend who broke up with me when I came out as trans, and I've started thinking about dating again.  I don't really want to date until I'm on T because sex is just to dysphoric for me right now.  But I've been thinking about six months from now when I'm on T, and it's a bit depressing.  Every gay guy I know, including the one I have a crush on, are totally accepting of my gender, but they're not attracted to trans men.  I almost don't even want to bother with dating because I know I'll face so much rejection, and on the other hand if I don't try I really will be alone forever.  Regardless of how difficult it is to find a partner, I know I'll just have to suck it up and put myself out there.  I'm curious about how difficult it really is to find a gay guy who will date a post T, pre op, tran man though.  And I know it's different for everyone- everyone here could have met a guy instantly and it could still take years for me, or vice versa.  Still, I'm curious.  What has your experience been? 

Well, I'm not gay myself - I'm primarily straight, but I won't reject a potential mate just because they've got a willy down there. If I care about them enough, I'll date them. So maybe my answer isn't really relevant.

Plus, I've only just began to consider the dating scene as well.

But I will say that the one guy that I've dated after coming out as trans only wanted to get at my cave of wonders, and insisted on treating me as a woman even though he introduced me as his boyfriend. Since this experience, I've had a hard time agreeing to dating a cisboy. I'm a little intimidated that they'll continue to treat me as a woman until I pass more often as a man. For this reason, I'm more willing to date another transguy myself.

Don't even get me started on dating ciswomen >__O; As soon as they find out that I have a vag, they call me a lesbian and ->-bleeped-<-ing stomp all over me...Anyway, that's not what you were asking about.

Told you that I might not be much help ^^;

Honestly, just put yourself out there, it might take a few tries, but you might get lucky!

You'll never know if you never try!

Well, that's depressing. When I first found this forum, I thought I had seen some discussion about that it is possible to get with gay guys, well, once you fully look like a guy at least. I really don't want any relationships ever again, not after what I've been through. But I have been considering that I've just complicated the situation much more for myself, and that I'll most likely never come across a gay guy that's my type and would go for a transguy. But, like I said, I don't want a relationship ever again, so I have to just realize that all of that stuff is in the past. I won't consent to be a 2nd class citizen to anyone else, and I refuse to try to appear female, so, that's that ain't it?

There are some very sweet, open-minded gay guys out there. I'm dating one of them. Don't give up. 

There are plenty of gay guys out there who are into FTMs, even pre-op.  It make take a bit of looking, but even here in the south my friends have found gay guys who are opened minded enough to date/hook up with them.  I have a good friend who's had a lot of success with okcupid, so maybe you should look into a site like that.  As far as being on T for a while, I have gay guys hitting on me all the time who know I'm trans but don't know whether I've had surgery or not.  And ones who aren't opened minded about it generally become more accepting once they get to know you and realize you're just another guy with certain physical differences.

There's always bisexual men :'P. Not all of them need vaginal sex either :'D. What worked for me best has been online dating. You get to know a person before meeting them up in person. Sometimes, this ends up in the long distance relationship like mine did unfortunately XP. Usually, sites will start with local search though. Countless people have met the love of their life on these sites, and most are looking for long term relationship, because who pays $20 a month just for hook-ups?

I'm in the same boat.
I kind of felt the difference when I went to the gay clubs first time after my moobs were removed. Remind you I don't pass that well and was off T for a long time. Wasn't expecting at all but a quite few guys talked to me (I was invisible until then) and I even got kissed. Got scared so I turned him down. I guess he would have leaved once learned my secret but it seems it isn't completely hopeless for us. Transition made a bit of difference.

I'm a cis-guy and my ex, who is still my best friend in the world, likes to crossdress as a guy. She isn't interested in women tho only men but really enjoys the idea of being male and having a gay relationship with a man.

I was always totally accepting of it and loved her as a person weather or not she wanted to be female or male and we dated with her being my GF in some situations and others as my BF and we made it work.

I guess what i'm getting at is that it's all about finding the right person, cis,trans,gay,straight,bi whatever it's just about finding a person who loves you and connects with you, dating might be difficult and its never easy finding that person but that's true for everyone. not all gay men will reject you and not all cismen will either, everyone is different and i'm sure there are lots of people willing to accept you and date you. hang in there and best of luck =)

My experience is that looking for people I share interests with is a way better path to finding a compatible partner than looking for people who share my sexuality/gender. Meeting people you get on with, for whom the same things are important in life, makes for more compatibility. And that way, it's more likely you'll meet someone who likes you first, and then deals with whatever gender issues come up second.

I met my new girlfriend at a singing camp - she's not had a girlfriend before, but is really open to me transitioning.

I feel very attractive to straight guys, but usunally there to scared to date me,
they can be attracted to me but as soon they got the felling im a guy then they run away.
I where once at a "date" with a guy, and I thought he knew I where a guy but he didnt so when it got out he out of sudden got very buzy with other plans. I dont know for girls, but if there lesbians then I dont date them, there where one I liked but she wasnt accepting of me being trans and if we should be together it would be like a girl couple.
--
I dont feel its unfair if some people arnt into me for what I got, even thought I feel its a shame, look on the other hand there is alot of things im not interested in when we talk guys from there hair, to there size or shape, alot of things other people might be interested in but not just me. you can still be accepting and respecting of other people without being sexually attractive to them..

but in my caise I actually feel me being trans is a 50% game,
its like im very nervous for the gay people to reject me, but there actually also alot of them who think its kinda hot in a way.. maybe think its a little kinky,
or if not then there surpirzed over my gender knowlegde and way to look at the world.

somethimes I find it kinda annoying and somethimes not, I guess I got kinda the same problem as many mtf but on other other hand I myself are pretty found by ftms, so I shoudlnt conplain when im a fan myself.

Quote from: Wolfsnake on September 26, 2011, 11:21:24 PM
There are some very sweet, open-minded gay guys out there. I'm dating one of them. Don't give up. 

Me too!



Jay

i think its hard to find anyone when your trans regardless of your sexuality. i find that most of the girls i like dont see me "that way" it really sucks.

my best friend is a gay cis guy, and he has dated an FTM. 

I can't really speak for gay guys, but I'm actually dating a straight guy who sees me and accepts me 100% as male, probably better than anyone else I know.
One thing I've learned about people, they'll surprise you.

They are hard to find but they ARE out there. I dated one for about 4 months and then another for a couple years. They are just very hard to find, is all. But they DO exist...Keep your chin up, hon =)

Thanks to everyone who responded!  It's encouraging to hear that it's possible find a boyfriend, and everyone's responses helped me feel better. 

Quote from: Kvall on September 26, 2011, 11:03:33 PM
Let's be honest: most of those gay guys who "accept your gender" but "aren't attracted to trans men" don't actually accept you as a man. Most instances of gay men being categorically unattracted to trans men are coming from a place of transphobia.

I understand only being attracted to cis male penises, but unfortunately, I think you're mostly right about the guys I know.  They're supportive of me, but I think they still don't see me as a guy.  On the other hand, I don't really blame them because they knew me as a girl for so long, I still look like a girl, and I'm quiet, so it's not like my personality is on display all the time.

Quote from: Kvall on September 26, 2011, 11:03:33 PM
Many people find relationships even when they're not actively looking for them. This happens when people are sociable and enjoying their life regardless of their relationship status. You meet a lot of people if you do this, and sometimes things just click with one of them.

As far as rejection goes, if you're going into the dating game with low self-esteem, rejection is going to break you down. Therefore I strongly recommend working on yourself and trying to resolve, or at least make progress on, any problems like low self-esteem or social anxiety. If you go in with high self-esteem/confidence, rejection will still sting, but it will sting less each time, and often teach you about what you might be doing wrong.

You're right on both accounts, and thanks.

Quote from: Kvall on September 26, 2011, 11:03:33 PM
If I could ask a question: how soon are you telling potential dates that you're trans?

I'm not on T yet, and I stop passing once I do something that a twelve year old couldn't/shouldn't be doing.  So, all of my friends know.  After I'm read as male more consistently, I'm not really sure how long I'll wait to out myself.  I agree about letting to get to know me some first, so they don't just see a trans man.  But, I'd feel bad if I waited for a few dates to let them know something that important... and if I'm going to be rejected, I'd rather get it over with sooner rather than later.

Kvall's answer gives me a lot of hope.

I'm a bit scared. I came out about a year ago, but I'm pre-T, pre-op, and I don't consistently pass. I like guys, and I'm just now realizing that most of the transmen I meet irl are into girls. I went to a gay bar once, and got outed at the door by the guy checking ID.

I actually still occasionally sleep with the ex I came out to. His initial response was roughly "well yeah, duh, you certainly act like a guy." He's straight and cis, though, so even though he sees this as cool and exotic and interesting, the attraction is definitely fizzling. He's simply not gay.

My assumption is that there are enough different kinds of people out there that being trans isn't going to always feel like such a barrier. God knows I've seen weirder quirks.

I'm not the one to give advice on this, but I thought I'd at least point out that you're not alone.

well gonna say something I think can be added to the positive side.
my friend think im pansexual, but I keep saying im bisexual because I feel diffrence between my attraction of men and women.
I also feel it disrespecting to date someone where I feel my attracting is misgendered because I know I feel its a pain when people do that to me.
but by the diffrence in gender attraction I dont mean like dicks or no dick, I dont really know how to explain but for girls my attraction just seam diffrently, I think I tend to focus more on girls like some pretty creatures like,
where on guys I feel drawn by the wildness. (its pretty hard to give exemple but this the best I could think of)

its not much about what they got in there pants, to be honest im not so found of guys things even if im very found of the guy.. 

I belive its the same for every people and not only me that our attraction is more fluent than just boy or girl,
if we go into details then there is simple things we find attractive you might often find in these genders, but who not nessesarry fit in the image of there sex.