I used to try to ask for feminine cues for years without actually asking for them...never had anyone make a point of being rude like that but my intentions were always misconstrued because it always ended up very short and masculine. Not being direct was my problem though. Next time I'd recommend talking to the hairdresser about exactly what you want to suss them out before they do anything and if they're not happy to do it just go somewhere else. As was suggested, that might mean going to a better salon but if you straight out tell them you want a ladies haircut and why you'll either get what you want (and feel great about it) or they might be rude and turn you down but that's still better than denying yourself a little bit of expression. I actually came out to my hairdresser after I'd seen her a few times and she was a bit taken aback but more than happy to try to give me what I asked for, and happy that I'd start getting all the colour treatments and pay more...she even helped me get the hang of makeup

@Naturally

I went full time since then, that was quite a while ago.

maybe i am reading the opening thread post wrong, but did you feel discriminated because she said "HE" or because she only trimmed your hair?

If it's cuz she said "He" i would ask some questions. How did you present your gender when walking into the salon? If you were obviously dressed as female gender presentation then yes i would assume it is discrimination. If you were in there presenting androngenous or male gender presentation then that may be another story. I was not  there so I don't know "the behind the scenes."

If it was about the hair it could be that she is just a poor hair stylist. If someone trimmed my hair if I wanted it to be feathered I guess I wouldn't think of it as discrimination. Just poor instructional skills and then request to get it cut right.

My shrink told me about a stylist that runs a LGBT friendly shop.  He's very very good and even does makeovers.  He's in Easton PA.

Maybe we need a list of friendly stylists like the list of surgeons. 

I tend to have good experiences with better quality salons.  I'm not sure why, but people there tend to be much more open and understanding

Though it's not an absolute, it's still solid enough to use as a rule of thumb, that such things are pretty much true across the board.  It's why you get treated better at Macy's or Nordstrom's than at WallMart.

I tended to have the opposite problem. I'd go in asking for a masculine cut, describing what I wanted, and somehow I always ended up with a girl-tastic pixie. So I just started cutting my own hair. Saves me money, time, and stress.

Quote from: Annah on September 30, 2011, 09:11:53 AM
maybe i am reading the opening thread post wrong, but did you feel discriminated because she said "HE" or because she only trimmed your hair?

If it's cuz she said "He" i would ask some questions. How did you present your gender when walking into the salon? If you were obviously dressed as female gender presentation then yes i would assume it is discrimination. If you were in there presenting androngenous or male gender presentation then that may be another story. I was not  there so I don't know "the behind the scenes."

If it was about the hair it could be that she is just a poor hair stylist. If someone trimmed my hair if I wanted it to be feathered I guess I wouldn't think of it as discrimination. Just poor instructional skills and then request to get it cut right.

That's the thing that makes me not want to march right in there and say WTF noobz?!?!

When I walked into the salon I was presenting as male, none the less the other stylist was like OMG I'm sooo sorry, she shouldn't have said it wouldn't work.

Yeah, it sucked that I couldn't get my haircut the way I was expecting and even worse I spent $10 for 6 snips (though I wouldn't have been able to do it myself and have it look straight).

Quote from: Wolfsnake on September 30, 2011, 12:52:59 PM
I tended to have the opposite problem. I'd go in asking for a masculine cut, describing what I wanted, and somehow I always ended up with a girl-tastic pixie. So I just started cutting my own hair. Saves me money, time, and stress.

I have an electric clippers that I had been using for a while to give myself a buz cut, even at $10 on Tuesdays spending that kind of money to have someone do something I can do myself seems like a silly way to spend $10.

Quote from: LivingInGrey on September 30, 2011, 01:01:03 PM
That's the thing that makes me not want to march right in there and say WTF noobz?!?!

When I walked into the salon I was presenting as male, none the less the other stylist was like OMG I'm sooo sorry, she shouldn't have said it wouldn't work.

Yeah, it sucked that I couldn't get my haircut the way I was expecting and even worse I spent $10 for 6 snips (though I wouldn't have been able to do it myself and have it look straight).

I have an electric clippers that I had been using for a while to give myself a buz cut, even at $10 on Tuesdays spending that kind of money to have someone do something I can do myself seems like a silly way to spend $10.

I can certainly relate to your frustration as I had some pretty craptastic hair stylists in my day but I would not necessarily label that as discrimination. I would probably call it "a poor hair stylist."

If I were you and since another stylist noticed you didn't get what you asked for, I would have asked to speak to a supervisor and had them finish your cut....or just say "eh, Ill need more than 6 snips to get what I want....if you are not able to feather my hair, then lemme see a stylist who can."

It's not too late. You can call over there and speak with a supervisor. Discuss with them the situation and see what they can do for a free haircut. I bet they will give you the haircut plus the feathering without charge.

It's possible that this person may have been sincere about not having enough experience to do that kind of a cut on a guy, but there was still hurt feelings (both myself and my S.O.) the way she said HE would lose to much hair when she recommended not doing a cut like that.

Just gave me the feeling that she didn't want to do it because I was a guy and in her little world I wasn't allowed to have a haircut like that.

Quote from: LivingInGrey on September 30, 2011, 01:09:34 PM
It's possible that this person may have been sincere about not having enough experience to do that kind of a cut on a guy, but there was still hurt feelings (both myself and my S.O.) the way she said HE would lose to much hair when she recommended not doing a cut like that.

Just gave me the feeling that she didn't want to do it because I was a guy and in her little world I wasn't allowed to have a haircut like that.

I know that pronoun sucks for us. Lord knows I would utterly hate it if someone called me a "he."  But before I transitioned, I got feather cuts a lot....and at that time I identified as a straight male. I'm just playing devil's advocate and I wasn't there....i mean she could have totally be discriminating at you. But there may also be a small possibility that she wasn't and it just came across that way.

Nevertheless it sounds like a very untrained person. Sounds like you got this done as Super Cuts or Fantastic Sams or something! I would still call over there. I bet they will get you a free haircut if you talk to the manager

I bet they will get you a free haircut

Does a second crappy haircut cancel out the first crappy haircut?  What makes you think the second one would be any better?

Quote from: tekla on September 30, 2011, 01:25:05 PM
I bet they will get you a free haircut

Does a second crappy haircut cancel out the first crappy haircut?  What makes you think the second one would be any better?

Yeah... I'm just glad she didn't go all Edward Scissors hands on me. Places like that are like going to McDonald's once every few years. You just have to remind yourself every now and then that they still suck.

Quote from: tekla on September 30, 2011, 01:25:05 PM
I bet they will get you a free haircut

Does a second crappy haircut cancel out the first crappy haircut?  What makes you think the second one would be any better?

If she had a manager do it and it was through a complaint that originally prompted the first haircut then she may get a haircut this time around that is better than six snips.

Maybe, and of course maybe the manager is managing because they don't like/or don't want to cut hair anymore.  Any time you're climbing up the ladder you're getting less.  You know: Those who can't do teach, those who can't teach teach gym, those who can't teach gym do student services, and those who can't do student services administrate.  Which means that in any given school the person who knows the most, and works the hardest, and does the most good - is the janitor.

Years ago long before transitioning I was job hunting and needed a hair cut... I didn't have much money so I nervously went to one of those $5 mall cuts places fearing the worst    So the receptionist brings me over and tells me "This is ________ from____________ she's brand new here" *GULP* Just what I needed to hear  Then the lady tells me that I am her first American customer

To my surprise, it was one of the best hair cuts I'd ever gotten    I continued to go to her regularly for about two years and she kept progressing to more expensive salons until I could no longer afford her 

I guess it's kinda luck of the draw, but if you find someone that does a nice job, stick with them