it is Friday night after midnight and my wife is in the living room trying to console my 25 year old son who is busy crying in his beer i have come to the conclusion that things in my life will never change. Susan's for me has become like the small town bar that once you knew everyone in it, but as the years pass, friends drift away till finally no one is left  you really know. your  a stranger in your home.  For a person like me who has trouble connecting to other people it is very painfull. my health is deteriorating Ive been hospitalized twice in the same week they think i might have lung cancer and i have a CD with cat scan images for my primary care doctor to look at on the 20Th. i have diabetes. and my career is over. my ambition level is crap and i feel very depressed. i think that about covers it so i just took my trans meds and i cant help but wonder what the hell for why do i continue to hold on to these things like a drowning person clinging to a rope. ill be around for a while i may even speak but as far as all this crap goes I'm sooo done with it
peace be with you
Jessi

Sorry to hear you are feeling like that Jesse.  It sounds trite but any chance your family can just give you a hug and say they love you?
Wish I was there to do that too.

Karen.

Hi Jesse, sorry you're feeling down, the best advice is right in your avatar: Live, love, laugh. Big hugs, Tracey

Hey Jessi,
You've just been HUGGED by 8,200 members here. Remember; this is for  -- YOU.  -- Remember as well; it's impossible for anyone to love someone until they love themselves. When your son matures, he'll see his biological Father; stood for 'her' beliefs. We need to be proud of that. Obviously your son now knows where you stand. He need to be proud of the fact his Father chose to come out from behind the facade and declare what nature had given her.
Jessi; you are no doubt aware this is not your fault. YOU had nothing to do with it. Just look at what science is discovering each and every day about us, genes, chromosomes etc. Nobody has a chance !!!! It's just in the past, many have chosen to die in denial. What a waste!! At least you've stood for your beliefs and feelings.

Thank you Valerie for proving Love transends all boundaries.
Be safe, well, happy and LOVED
Lotsa luv
Catherine

thank you all for the kind thoughts as Cindy and val can attest i go threw these black periods and i vent by typing it on Susan's. with the each new day i try again sometimes successful sometimes not so much I'm  feeling better tonight and its because of the people here i get my strength from you
hugs
Jessi

val and cindy you mean a lot to me your support is soooo appriciated
jessi

Wow, Jessi, I didn't know you were dealing with all of those health problems, and at ONCE! I hope you stick around but if you don't, please be well and make the most of life in Jessi's world. You'll be missed around here

Hard to really know whats going on with you..i know sometimes we feel better if we vent, but any of this you can change?  i work  in distribution of health related field..if you would care to drop me a line just go ahead. Maybe i can help instead of just listen..? I myself get bored easily with ppl's patronage.  Hugs dont mean much to me  unless they come from the heart.

Hey Jessi,
There is a hand outstretched to you now; take hold of it whenever you need it. We may be countries apart, but united in soul and purpose.
Be safe, well and happy.
Lotsa luv
Catherine

Just logged on. I'm here Sis.

Hugs

Cindy

Quote from: jesse on October 01, 2011, 02:02:44 AM
... but wonder what the hell for why do i continue...

Hey Jessi,

I guess transitioning is a bit like dying in a way. You're finishing with one way of life and beginning another. Not that you need to kill off your previous life, but some part will fade and others will shine through brightly.

Probably weird advice, but go towards the light. Salvation lies within !!

OXOXOX

Love and Respect,

Jenny.


ps... no I'm not some TV Evangelist.  Although I sound it?