I just got off the phone with my dad...let's just say i am probably not welcome at home anymore.

I say this because my dad did everything but say I was a freak and an affront to god. I knew it was going to be bad but...

On top of that, he laid out the whole guilt trip, and what a trip. My grandfather just got out of the hospitole AGAIN after being their only two weeks ago. This is the first I heard about either trip. My sister is having foot troubles, my brother having a major medical battle, and my little brother is apparently having his penis rebuilt due to some childhood accident I never heard about. So yeah, basically I was the only 'healthy' one in the family, or I was.

My father even refused to read the book I bought my mother, "True Selves". I know this book would explain what I can't, but due to 'personal reasons', he flat out refused to read it. He even went so far as to say that most people who go down this road wind up unhappy. I don't know about that, but i'm not doing this for happiness, i'm doing it for my sanity. I love my father, but I just don't know how we come from the same family. His one line that worried me was that he said I wasn't the only one who ever has woken up wanting boobs, sounding an awful lot like my mother who says being a man would be convienient. Then again maybe i'm reading to much into the insult.

The worst thing is, my world was starting to seem brighter. I was starting to look towards the new day, I even start my new ER time tomarrow. But halfway through my talk with dad my life started to feel eaten by shadows. All the explinations and plans started to flee before his words. I just feel so lost now, if my own parents can't accept me, who ever will? Maybe my dad is right, no one ever would believe me to be a true 6'4" woman. What right do I have to say god is wrong? But then why do I still want this?

The biggest thing that hurt was that my dad said the diagnosis was meaningless. That doctors just label to label. That my illness that probted me to get help, was just in my head. After all, ulcers, fainting, and whatnot are caused by bacteria, and I should know this.


I don't know what I hope to get from this post, I don't want pity. I guess this is just the closest I can get to hugging someone, which is what I want right now, just someone to hug. Sorry, my doc says I need to keep hope. I'll get some sleep now, maybe i'll wake up and everything will be alright. I'll keep that dream tonight.

Quote from: Luana on October 10, 2005, 07:59:05 PM
I just got off the phone with my dad...let's just say i am probably not welcome at home anymore.

Out of the frying pan, and into the fire.

-={ IT'S NOT THE END OF THE WORLD }=-
-={ IT'S NOT THE END OF THE WORLD }=-
-={ IT'S NOT THE END OF THE WORLD }=-

I can really feel for the way you're feeling right now.  A lot of us have been or are going down that road, and yes it's a pretty rough one.

In your other post you stated that your mom was kinda OK with you right?

QuoteI just feel so lost now, if my own parents can't accept me, who ever will?

Your mom accepts you, and your dad is probably very shocked about what you have just revealed.  My wife's mom was a little the same way, she said I'm just doing this to get attention    You have to think to yourself, how did you think he would react, he's from the old school where maybe gays were there to make fun of, they weren't real men, they are to be shunned etc... Now worse than Gay's he has a transsexual in his own back yard to explain to his friends, pretty tough for the old codger don't you think.

This is just the start, different people will react differently, my only child hasn't come to grips with me, it's really hard for her, and me, but I'm not letting that get in the way of my transition, it's going to happen with her or without her, it will be "HER" choice.  Two months ago, one of my wife's brothers came out and said that he doesn't think that he's going to want to see us anymore.  However, last night he phoned my wife and said that he's driving though town next week and wanted to know if he could see her.  A change of heart? who knows, but at least he's talking.   It's going to be that way with everyone you tell, some will surprise you.

Yes your dad has said some hurtful things, and you know that most, if not all of what he said is groundless, so don't let that sway you.

QuoteMaybe my dad is right, no one ever would believe me to be a true 6'4" woman. What right do I have to say god is wrong? But then why do I still want this?

Your dad is not right, it's just his opinion, a rather strong opinion, but none the less just an opinion.  I don't think you've ever said that God is wrong, but then God is an easy fall guy for those who don't understand or can't explain things.  You are going to have to give him time.  Make sure you leave all doors open for him to get in, and don't be afraid to talk with him.  BUT, remember, he may not get over this.

Think about what has really changed, is this your dads true colors, or is it all emotional.  It's a good bet that it's just emotions running wild, remember...

-={ IT'S NOT THE END OF THE WORLD }=-

This is one of the things you are going to have to plan for and expect.

We're here for you, so take this as a great big hug,

Keep us posted

Steph

Well, you have to remember it can be pretty shocking to others.....and most folks need some time to think about it and adjust.

Hugs
DebTV

     hugs Luana   


                Some people do not respond well to stressful suprises and i suspect your father is on of those people. i am sure that given a little time his opinions will soften. If you are sure about who you are when you are alone, never let others make you doubt yourself. If your god doesnt make mistakes, then it is possible he/she makes some of us different to teach us or those around us something. Lots of children are born with many medical problems, there is no doubt of that. They cant be gods mistakes.  How are we different? We are not different, we have a physical problem that requires treatment. Catch a womens basketball game some time, many beautiful women well over 6'.  I would tell mom to leave "True Selves" laying around, dad will browse eventually. Keep the dream alive Luana, you are a beautiful woman and the dream will come true.

beth

Hi Luana,

Welcome to the wonderful world of coming out. But don't worry. Sometimes it's the ones who rale against it the most at first who turn into your greatest supporters. Sometimes you have people who seem alright with it and then turn out to be total jerks.

My wife's father found out, when he was shown this site. Don't ask how that happened, cause I don't know. He told my wife that neither of us were welcome in his home ever. A couple of days later he recanted and said she could come home and now I can come as long as I don't come as Cassandra. I guess I won't be seeing him in this lifetime as I cannot be anyone else but Cassandra. And as soon as my name change comes through it will say so on my drivers license.

Thing is his attitude changed pretty quickly once he got over the initial shock. With time perhaps he can accept me as myself, time will tell. We told a business neighbor about my impending change before I started living full time. He was fine with it, until faced with the reality and then he couldn't handle it. So you see you never really know how people are going to react. Some accept right away, others take time, still other will never be accepting. But, that comes with the territory.

Transition is not easy. As you have now found out just telling someone close to you can be very difficult but as Step said.

-= {ITS NOT THE END OF THE WORLD} =-

There will be many times of great elation and great disappointment. People will say good things and hurtful things. It's a roller coaster ride. Once you're out you can't just take it back. You can stop. You can go back to being whoever you were but you can't take it back. Things will change as you move forward. Friendships and relationships will be forever and irrevocably changed, some for the better some for the worst.

It's been said before but I will say it again. We tend to focus on ourselves and our transition, often without really thinking about how it affects those closest to us. I've been real lucky. The most important person to me is 100% supportive and when others even her own father are hurtful or unaccepting of me she takes it very personal. She loves me very much and is extremely loyal and takes such things harder than I do. This distresses me sometimes because if it doesn't bother me I don't think she should make such a big deal, but that is just how she is. She is very protective of me.

I tell you all this because it illustrates what I mean about how our transition affects those around us. It is something we must, or should always be aware of. We don't transition in a vacumn.

I feel for you Luana, I really do. I hope your father will come around. And for the record I think he will. He's just a little angry right now and it sounds like he has so many bad things happening right now that this is just another brick in the wall. Give him time, there is no rush. I'm sure your father loves you and in the end will accept you out of his love for you and his desire to see you happy.

Great BIG HUGs to you Luana,   


Cassie

Quote from: Luana on October 10, 2005, 07:59:05 PM...
So yeah, basically I was the only 'healthy' one in the family, or I was.
...

By who's estimation? Having a mismatched identity and body is NOT FING HEALTHY!

Quote from: Luana on October 10, 2005, 07:59:05 PM...
My father even refused to read the book I bought my mother, "True Selves". I know this book would explain what I can't, but due to 'personal reasons', he flat out refused to read it.
...

Perhaps in time.

Quote from: Luana on October 10, 2005, 07:59:05 PM...
He even went so far as to say that most people who go down this road wind up unhappy.
...

Funny, that isn't what I've read and heard. Some idiots do yes, those that circumvent the standards and rush head long into a whim.

Quote from: Luana on October 10, 2005, 07:59:05 PM...
but i'm not doing this for happiness, i'm doing it for my sanity.
...

That in and of itself should tell you something.

It is very hard for those who do not understand to understand even when they try as best they can. So much of what drives us is so deep down and untouchable, unknowable to all but ourselves.

Quote from: Luana on October 10, 2005, 07:59:05 PM...
I love my father, but I just don't know how we come from the same family. His one line that worried me was that he said I wasn't the only one who ever has woken up wanting boobs, sounding an awful lot like my mother who says being a man would be convienient. Then again maybe i'm reading to much into the insult.
...

Who 'woke up wanting boobs' ? Also, Being a man *IS* convenient, make no mistake. (It is also hell if you are not by the by)

Quote from: Luana on October 10, 2005, 07:59:05 PM...
I just feel so lost now, if my own parents can't accept me, who ever will? Maybe my dad is right, no one ever would believe me to be a true 6'4" woman.
...

There is no one like a parent (i.e. someone we really care about) to totally screw up a child.

Who will accept you? How about people who understand the situation? How about people who don't judge based on what you present as? Even just normal ol' people who don't live in a box. Or in fewer words, quite a few as it happens.

Quote from: Luana on October 10, 2005, 07:59:05 PM...
Maybe my dad is right, no one ever would believe me to be a true 6'4" woman.
...

Does it matter? Does it really honestly matter if people believe your presentation?

When you are a woman and 6'4" how can you not be a "true 6'4" woman"?

So we grew up differently than others. Happens to a lot of people.

Quote from: Luana on October 10, 2005, 07:59:05 PM...
What right do I have to say god is wrong? But then why do I still want this?
...

First, who is saying god is wrong? I'm not. I'm saying how I was borne does not match who I am. I see no implication (other than what other people try and peg me with) that has anything to do with god 'being wrong'. Besides if you listen to half the drivel of what *people* try and tell you about god...

Bottom line for me:
I am doing this for my piece of mind. If people can deal with me fine. It honestly does not matter if I am totally alone in this process. (Well, to be perfectly honest and frank I'd just suicide if noone cared. But people do. Good people.).

Quote from: Luana on October 10, 2005, 07:59:05 PM...
The biggest thing that hurt was that my dad said the diagnosis was meaningless. That doctors just label to label. That my illness that probted me to get help, was just in my head. After all, ulcers, fainting, and whatnot are caused by bacteria, and I should know this.
...

Doctors do label to label, it helps pigeonhole things does it not? By the by I probably mistrust doctors more than your father does

Illness just in your head? Yea, something like that. Your sense of self has to be somewhere right?

Diagnosis was meaningless? Maybe, but "But then why do I still want this?" would seem to indicate something isn't the way it is supposed to work yes? Regardless, I suggest being wary of any diagnosis.

Quote from: Luana on October 10, 2005, 07:59:05 PM
I don't know what I hope to get from this post, I don't want pity. I guess this is just the closest I can get to hugging someone, which is what I want right now, just someone to hug. Sorry, my doc says I need to keep hope. I'll get some sleep now, maybe i'll wake up and everything will be alright. I'll keep that dream tonight.

When people we care about reject us it hurts like hell. But know that there are other people out there that still care.

Cyber Hugs From me 

Love and Hugs

Brandi

Luana,

Sorry to hear about your Dad's reaction. There may however be light at the end of the tunnel. It wasn't that long ago that my wife found out about me and was heading out the door. I had a couple of really awful weeks until she calmed down about it and now things are a lot better.

As Deb said its pretty shocking for those finding out for the first time. There's no guarantees but hopefully Dad will come around.

Hoping for the best for you.

Shelley