Quote7. Don't allow yourself to wallow in delusion or excuses.
You mean, like the "delusion" that I'm really male inside, even though nobody else can see it because there's no empirical evidence to support my claim?
Quote7There is an inevitable "Poor me," period when you transition. You will one day look back on your behavior as immature.
I went through a lot of feelings right after my final coming-out and while I was early in transition. Some of it was self-pity. I am not ashamed of that, nor do I think it was immature. Not so far, because what I was going through was hard and risky and f***ing scary as hell. I understand what I was going through, and I understand how scared I was. I don't condemn myself for feeling some self-pity, and I doubt that I'll beat myself up for it at some later date.
You've clearly labeled your OP as your own perspective, and that's fair enough. These are the rules that worked for you. But I feel that you're so caught up in your "voice of authority" mode that you don't see how much generalizing/universalizing you are doing, and you don't see some dangerous (or at least insulting) hidden assumptions.
For example, you put this topic into the general Transgender section when it's clearly about transsexuality. You say you've "done it all," as if there were a script to follow. There isn't. You insist on FFS and assume that our goal is to be "like other women," but you're in a general forum, not an MTF forum; it's as if you think FTMs don't even exist, despite your claim that you dated one once. (Not to mention that some trans women proudly identify as TRANS women, and I suspect that this is the very thing you are warning against.) You say you've had "every surgery you can get," but I'm willing to bet that you haven't had hysto, meta, or phallo. And probably not a double mastectomy.
Yes, there are a few hidden assumptions and generalizations here that I have a problem with.
Furthermore, you seem to assume that the community exists only to support those who are early in the process, but you don't appear to acknowledge that someone has to stick around and mentor those people, so someone has to stay in the community--not for their own support but to give back. If that machine breaks down, we break down. We already have a few too many people leaving the community in many cities; there aren't enough non-stealth folks who are willing to run the support groups in some areas. And the newbies suffer because of it. Some people argue that the whole community is fractured because of this mass exodus into stealth.
Finally, #6 really borders on the cruel because so many of us struggle with family. You tell people that if they are TS, they shouldn't "have a family before [they] start transition." I assume that you mean "don't get married and have kids." How many TS people live in denial or ignorance before they figure out who they are--AFTER they have gotten into long-term relationships and maybe had a child or three? Do you think they go into those situations with their eyes fully open, and say to themselves, "Well, I am a transsexual, and in eight or ten years I'm going to hit my limit and need to transition. I guess I had better not get married, and children are right out!" For myself, I would not give up the twenty years I spent with my partner. I know I hurt him--and he hurt me--but we are both recovering, and he, too, has a twenty-year relationship to look back on with pleasure and perhaps even pride. I'm glad I did it. And many trans folks do find strength in their families, especially their children.
Finally, you claim that the more "successful" of us do not start a family. Define "successful," please. Oh, are you assuming we know what you mean? Well, that's a problem, isn't it?
And there are other objections that other people have brought up.
I appreciate your intentions. I really do. But I think that the execution leaves a little something to be desired. So, for one thing, I'm moving this thread to the transsexual forum, specifically the MTF section because it clearly isn't aimed at FTMs. And for another, I hope you'll take my criticism as constructive. I'm not being kind, nor am I being brutal. I'm just giving you my honest perspective.
