Yes actually I have had that feeling.
Usually it comes after I lose my temper and snap.
Because I begin to say things that I don't really mean, but since my conscious shuts down at that point it all just flows out.
After I'm finished I usually have this terrible feeling in my gut that I just did something terrible and so to counter I pretend as though everything is normal but try to do as many good things as I can that I normally may not have done.
One example that comes to mind was a conflict between me and my mother.
I don't remember what set it off, but I remember somewhat of the chaos that ensued.
I remember cursing her out calling her all sorts of terrible and disgusting names that don't really need to be repeated.
Every other word was either an f-bomb or some derogatory remark towards her.
I picked up a bookcase filled with family photos and memories and threw it on the ground(though nothing was destroyed),
I flipped the kitchen table which had been covered with all sorts of papers and whatever else got put there,
Ripped the back door out of frame(metal door btw),
Kicked in the garage door and blew out the frame pretty good as it had been dead bolted but I busted straight through it.
And the final thing was me walking towards my mom asking her if she wanted to see something funny as I whipped out my freshly sharpened pocket knife and laid 3 marks straight into my arm right there in front of her.
Now I had been oblivious to all of what had happened as I said I tend to black out when my temper flares and snaps.
When I realized what I had done there was an instant wave of grief and terror that it had been the last straw and that there would be nothing to fix anything that I had broken or done. So I did what I could to make up for it.
Disregarding myself and the fact that I had a gaping wound that was bleeding very profusely from my arm I continued on as if nothing had happened and helped a friend take care of her son, helped a friend get through some relational and emotional problems they were having, and many many more things before anyone even realized that I had gaped my arm open and done what I did.
There's a lot more situations very similar to this one in different ways and such but this is the one that probably stands out the most to myself.
I don't really know why I do what I do but when I snap I'm always met with a resounding wave of guilt and depression afterwards.
For me that's what happens rather than a feeling that someone is out to get me, it's generally long lasting as well sometimes carrying months to even years after the initial event.
I still have emotional baggage that I carry around from even this and that was around 3 years ago.
And still I have that wave of guilt and depression whether from the cutting, from the words and actions taken towards my mother, or both anyway you look at it, it's still there, and it will be there for a long time.
