Hey

So I know that a lot of you guys must have already gone through this. I'm considering changing my name to my user so that I can wear the right name at work, and not feel emasculated anymore by that eyesore nametag which they are forcing me to wear...but I was wondering how you guys dealt with explaining that you would be doing this - to your parents. Mom is already sooky cause I don't wear my earrings anymore. I don't know how to tell her I want to legally abolish the name she gave me :/

If your mom knows you're trans shouldn't she also know you want to change your name or at least go by a different one?

If she doesn't know you're trans start with telling her that. If she does it shouldn't come as a surprise. Also, telling your mom does not need to occur as a result of changing your legal documents (unless her consent is required because you're underage). IMO it is a non-issue.

I've thought about not telling her, but then when mail starts coming to our house for Kyle, I'd have to make sure my brother didn't get his hands on it, so she'd inevitably see it...she'd likely have to get it and hide it. I'm not out to my brother. He things being gay is wrong enough, but that trans people are completely f***-up wastes of humans. Needless to say, transition= Not being welcome home ever again.



Edited for language.

Oh.. ouch.
It might be easier to just explain to your boss that you'd prefer a different name... until you can move out and change it.
I know my answer is not that helpful (lol) but it's the best I got right now.

Lol. Its just great to be able to talk to people who understand You're words are very much appreciated! I'll look into the work name thing

Quote from: Kyle_S on October 06, 2011, 11:35:47 PM
I've thought about not telling her, but then when mail starts coming to our house for Kyle, I'd have to make sure my brother didn't get his hands on it, so she'd inevitably see it...she'd likely have to get it and hide it. I'm not out to my brother. He things being gay is wrong enough, but that trans people are completely ->-bleeped-<-ed-up wastes of humans. Needless to say, transition= Not being welcome home ever again.

wait, so your mom would be okay with you being trans, but not your brother?

She doesn't like it- it upsets her. But I'm trying to find resources for her to read so that she can understand a bit better, and be more ok with it. She's gotten better with the "I like women" part, but trans will take a bit more time and care. And my brother would never be ok with it. He wants us all killed.

But I mean, I'm 22 next week. Its time for me to take myself into consideration.

how old is your brother?

This is just a very stranger family dynamic to me.  If I was the mom, even if I didn't like my kid being trans or gay, I would definitely kick my kid out of the house if he thought my other kid deserved to die.  I would not be afraid of my kid.

You should be able to have ur name badge changed at work without even changing ur name yet. For I am an employer and if my staff wants to go buy a different name then there legal one, that would be fine. At the end of the day people have to respect ur wishes when it comes to things like that, regardless if ur at home or work.

he's 23, nowhere else for him to go, though

Quote from: Kyle_S on October 07, 2011, 11:48:45 AMhe's 23, nowhere else for him to go, though

Sure there is, there's always out on the streets...

The safety of my kids would always come first.
In any possible situation, would you be worried about physical harm from your brother?

This wasn't really the point of this thread.....but yeah. I'm always locking myself in my room and putting all my weight against it so he can't get in when he storms after me. He still  almost broke my door last time.  He's got a nasty temper and he really is that big a b****/psycho to kill me over just the trans thing. He's the only guy I'm actually afraid of.

Quote from: DanielKadenWright on October 07, 2011, 12:56:24 AM
You should be able to have ur name badge changed at work without even changing ur name yet. For I am an employer and if my staff wants to go buy a different name then there legal one, that would be fine. At the end of the day people have to respect ur wishes when it comes to things like that, regardless if ur at home or work.

I do believe that many MANY places have tolerance policies that apply to gender identity, which state that the person in question should be referred to with their preferred name and gender pronouns.

Both of my employers allowed my name badge to say my preferred name. If you're comfortable with outing yourself to them I'd say go for it. If it is a big company maybe try anonymously calling HR to learn their transgender policies if they have any?


For the other bit- just my opinion but no one should ever have to live in a home where they do not feel safe. I agree with JohnAlex on that.   

i would start changing it right now, it takes a while for it to go through. the only mail you will get saying kyle is from the places you change your name with. you could always get a PO box if your afraid of your brother stealing your mail and finding out that way. also for your own protection i would install some sort of lock on your door. the little sliding bolt ones are easy enough to install yourself.