Have an appointment tomorrow with a new counsellor and I'm concerned the whole business will become dominated by gender etc when I have other issues in my life that I need to deal with urgently. Two things concern me, how will he (yes, unfortunately) react to the whole androgyne question and will he merely have a go at me for taking androgyne as a label when I don't even know if I am.

Talking about trans business and sex always freaks me out when talking to therapists as they never seem to have a balanced attitude towards this stuff. Either they don't understand, get creepily interested, or lay down the hardline binary position as to why I've never had srs, when do I intend having it, why am I not interested in dressing in a female manner and so on. Or am I just Gay in denial, that's another one...

Maybe it's just me but I hate talking about trans issues with therapists, I get nervous, ashamed and don't think they understand. Even the gender specialists have this effect on me, worse in fact. They don't understand why I've done 20+ years of HRT and haven't transitioned and when I talk about it either I get sad and cry or get angry and aggressive. Where I am isn't where I'd wish to be but there are rational reasons behind it, all our histories are different. Makes me very upset to talk about it but I will have to. The feeling of loss is beyond my abilities to describe.

Would really appreciate advice and people's opinions on this and hope no one is offended by me posting this in this section, other sections would have almost certainly drawn replies that would have offended and upset me. Hope you all understand.

Why not just tell the therapist what you would like to discuss?

Good question Sarah Louise. I wish I knew what I'd like to discuss but my life is always overshadowed by pressing events such as family trying to f**k me up, death threats, legal matters and health problems. So counselling always ends up about this rather than the underlying issues. If one has many enemies and is under attack financially and socially it's hard not to talk about that which kind of defeats the whole object of therapy. They can't change reality and they can't change the past and that's probably what I hope for in my heart of hearts and why I actually go to counselling which is wrong. The reality is horrible, my family want to destroy me, police have been involved and more. This has been going on for decades, I'm not young anymore.

Hey,

I wish you luck with the therapist.  Maybe you can get into the topic slowly.  When you feel that you want to talk about it you can start by asking him questions like the following:

- What kind of experience do you have working with non traditional gender identities?

- What would the purpose of therapy be? Would you pigeon hole me in a category or another?

- What would be the assumptions that you would have working with me?

- Do you have any preconceived notions working with people who identify as non traditional gender?

These question will give you a feel about how he thinks and if he had any experiences with non traditional gender identities.

Good luck.

Thanks Metro, rest assured that while I may not be that literate on paper I can usually hold my own verbally. From my experience with therapists here in the UK they don't answer those types of questions directly but try to turn them back on the questioner.

This time I've decided to go for the top, the guy is head of therapy at a very major UK university teaching hospital so should know his s**t. Have decided I'm not going to accept stupid questions like "how would you define being a woman/man?".

Probably going to be an expensive waste of time but have decided to give it one last try. Am hoping for the minimum in that he's reasonably sane which is far from a given in that profession.

Mega stressed out over it.

I have the top psychologist at the UofM in Minnesota. It certainly has it's advantage's. This guy is published a few times, and doesn't mind helping out the clueless therapists that are out there. Because of his office's filled with wonderful people, they were instrumental in getting SRS in the state insurance for those who need it. We are one of two states that provide it. Transgender is acceptable, at least by law. I go to a transgender 'book' club meetings a few times and have never felt so much a part of things. I don't get much chance to ask questions or even just throw my 2 cents in. I'm just to busy listening to from one to several conversations. I'll just leave it at, getting the top psychologist at the university is a blessing.

Ativan

Oh, hon. I wish you could see my therapist. He works with FTMs, MTFs, people who aren't sure, people who stop hormones once they get the results they want...and he is a staunch defender of people's right to self-define. That includes bigender, androgyne, genderqueer, you name it.

I wasn't sure why you regretted that this therapist is male. Maybe you're bummed because you relate better to women? But (as my experience demonstrates) a male therapist isn't necessarily going to have trouble understanding.

Perhaps it would help you to write out some of your feelings and fears and reasons and your whole self-perception. Take it with you. Read it out loud or have the therapist read it silently. That's one option, anyway.

Let us know how it goes.

Hi Mimpi,
Sorry I don't have any answers for you. It would be nice if you could get somewhere safe, away from those issues that harm you. Just remember we are here for you. We understand you are under considerable pressure and are not concerned in any way that you may be over expressive in your discussions.

I really hope everything works out  your way with your new therapist. In the meantime, be safe, well and happy
Lotsa luv
Catherine

Thanks all for your kind replies.

@ivan: A couple of years ago I used to see the Head of Psychology of a London University, ended when the tax authorities caught up with me and I couldn't afford it anymore. Wasted loads of time there, we used to spend the sessions flirting and talking about fashion and it didn't help me. She was intelligent, multi published but she couldn't do anything about what was happening to me in real life or help me cope with it.

Arch: You are right, I will write down a few things, just notes as generally they don't like that kind of thing over here. Will try not to over react to him, usually with men I'm either just plain nasty or just agree to all they say as it seems all bull->-bleeped-<- anyway and it's too much effort to fight my corner.

Catherine Sarah: Strange you say that about somewhere safe. It's what my previous NHS therapist said. She said the situation is like being in prison, it's out of my control and I have to try and make the cell as comfortable as possible.

The main problem is my extended family, they may be white british but are very powerful and ruthless and while on one hand they are prepared to make threats to my life on the other they have tried to frame me up with the police. That got thrown out of court by the judge thank God but was one of the scariest moments of my life. The threats were clever and were forensically untraceable due to the manner in which they were made. It's all a very nasty mix of far right racist politics, masons and extreme homophobia and transphobia. They are like a mafia family and I cannot walk away from the family business as I'm tied to it by law for my lifetime. Even my own son took their side as he said that they will be around after I'm gone so he can't afford to get on their wrong side. I did however make a mistake, a wife of one of them left her husband for me and divorced him. That really made things explode and it got so bad there was a police car parked outside for a week at one point for protection. Eventually the pressure was too much and we split up after 18 months as they were trying to take her kids and home from her. This family have unlimited funds and the law while it cannot be bought theoretically can be used to bring people to their knees financially.

Haven't even been that bad a person and have always tried to help people. Only sins are to be trans and to have, as we say in UK, shag*ed around and the wrong people. Hardly mortal sins.

Went better than I could have hoped for. Thank God.

Hi Mimpi,
I'm so thankful everything went well for you. Hope this is a sign that everything from hereon, will be your way. Thank you too, for outlining your circumstances a little. I wish there was something I could say or do. But that situation appears quite horrendous. The only thing I do know is, what goes around, comes around. Hopefully that may prevail in your case.
Anyway, if we can focus on all the positive stuff, that may get things happening for you a little faster. In the meantime, be safe, well and happy
Lotsa luv
Catherine

Quote from: mimpi on October 04, 2011, 04:19:10 PM
Went better than I could have hoped for. Thank God.

It's a start, possibly a glorious one. You have to want and make that clear to the shrink.

Thanks for the kind words you all

He was very smart and mentally agile and I'd downed two cans of Red Bull which I never drink to be totally buzzing and up for it! Makes all the difference when the person one's talking to is a fast thinker as one can get a lot of stuff done quickly and there's no need to to go through all the traditional counselling platitudes and rigmaroles.

He's not a psychiatrist or gender therapist but Head of Counselling a major London hospital and surprisingly ok. Normally men make me very uneasy and I don't like discussing sex with them but with him it was fine and even amusing. Made it very clear from the start there was to be no bull->-bleeped-<- and he could take it or leave it as he wished and then from there on was as nice and charming as possible. From a psychological perspective there was excellent transference which is a good sign, hopefully things will continue that way.

Very happy so far, far better than I could have hoped for.

"Yeah"!!!

Good. I'll uncross my fingers now...it's been hard to type!!!

Sounds positive. Good.

Thanks one again, am typing with fnigers crossed in slodarrity!

Quote from: mimpi on October 08, 2011, 05:29:37 AM
Thanks one again, am typing with fnigers crossed in slodarrity!

Yikes!

Yeah, tell me about it. Nasty Netbook running Linux with a trackpad that has a mind of it's own. Need a new computer. Fast.

You are having a hard time, mimpi, and obviously I cant comment here on the legal side of it - though I sympathise greatly.  But on the sex/gender side I'll throw in my tuppence worth, as another UK androgyne.  Anyone who tries to comment will inevitably reflect their own feelings, upbringing, training, and predjudices, myself included.  You have consulted various experts and found them wanting. I can understand this and largely would agree, but then here is my own predjudice - I'm a eco/nature freak, and mistrust all psychos, and I know that I'm not alone in this. I'm new here and still learning, but I've already read several accounts of unsatisfactory therapists etc.  Finally, I should say that I've got more help, encouragement, understanding, and satisfaction by a few hours of reading posts on sites like this that I've ever had from any doctor.