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A dilemma

Started by martinb, October 08, 2011, 09:56:55 AM

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martinb

I`m in a relationship with a really beautiful guy at the moment.He`s a typical alpha male,i mean he smokes,goes to the pub with his(straight)mates,watches football everything.He`s just gay that`s all.I know he really likes me,he may even love me,he`s picked up on the fact that i`m different but he can`t know i`m an androgyne,i did`nt know myself until a short while ago.He`s probably never heard of such a thing anyway.I really like him and the thought of never seeing him again really hurts so i don`t want to lose him.The thing is,do i tell him?I want to,i`m tired of keeping things hidden.How do i tell him?Just come right out with it?Oh by the way i`m an nbgv.He`d think i was some kind of automobile.Maybe if i explain and he realises that i`m not gay at all,that would be it with us.I know that compared to the real pain,suffering and angst of some of us on here,its kind of trivial,but not to me.Has anyone on here been in this predicament?Please help me,i really don`t want to screw this up. :(
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Pica Pica

I'd say you don't hide anything, but don't tell him. It would seem he fancies you, likes you - be yourself and he may one day josh you for being 'such a girl' or 'you don't seem like a girl or a guy' or something similar, then just tell him that you probably are. Don't hide yourself, just avoid the technical vocab.

As for not being gay, if you are male bodied and he is, that's gay enough for most people.
'For the circle may be squared with rising and swelling.' Kit Smart
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ZaidaZadkiel

first things first, don't make a big deal out of it.
just make it normal conversation, not like "a talk" or so.
unless you're going on 'mones or so, or doing anything pretty big (like public crossdressing, perhaps) it not a big deal.

Treat it like you're explaining the finer point of the best movie you've seen.
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mimpi

Been thinking about this and I would tread carefully. Assuming he's British by what you write he may not take it well, I've encountered considerable transphobia from British Gay males down the years not that I've ever been in a relationship with one. From what I see they can take transvestism but when it comes to gender issues things change. As I'm sure you are aware there are many Gay men who would like the BTQI kicked right out from under the LGBTQI umbrella.

However he may well be a decent man and accept you for who you are. If he isn't prepared to there are many other nice men who will, don't live a lie out of loving someone too much.

Smoking and loving Football is a good start, sounds like me! :)
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martinb

Hi and thanks everyone.I really appreciate your help.Sorry to post such personal stuff up,but when you find something good you want to hang on to it right?I`m writing this on Saturday night and we`re meeting up on Monday,so i`ve a day or so to think things over.Don`t think its a good idea to come right out with it like you say,so i`ll just be cool and see what happens.Thanks again for your good sense and advice,you`re the bestxxx.
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