What is your philosphy...should you talk about who you are? Should you answer questions if people ask? If so, who would you talk to about it? Strangers? Coworkers? etc

Discuss.

Yes, I believe you should talk about who you are! Answer questions about transexuality....of course!  Nothing too personal of course thats not thier business. But without questions and answers how else are people going to understand us and know we are just humans the same as they are, that we have feelings too! I say talk to anyone who wants to know, even the ones that don't! Strangers, coworkers,  friends, family, the world! When your comfortable and ready though!  Just my opinion.

With strangers and acquaintances, if they're perceptive enough to ask, then they deserve my honesty. I was in a wheelchair for awhile once, and I vastly preferred direct questions to the typical reaction of trying to dance around the issue.

If they make it clear ahead of time that they don't approve of different ways of being, then no, I try to stay stealth. Or if I'm not passing, I try to just act like I'm a regular girl and there's nothing to talk about so therefore lets end the conversation.

Sometimes it does get more complicated than all that. I think safety and social acceptance occasionally require a little deception, and that does not sully your integrity. You can still be a good and honest person while occasionally telling lies about whether you have a penis or vagina. There comes a point where it's nobody's business but your own.

Everyone else has pretty much summed up my opinion already, but to reiterate, I think that the more people get to know and see transgender people out in public, the more we will gain acceptance. It is near impossible to gain public acceptance if they do not understand us and all of their knowledge is based off of what they've seen on the news and prime-time television. For that reason I am trying to be as open as possible about it and document my transition on my blog to the best of my ability.

That being said I think it is important to gauge the situation and avoid any danger or ill-intent.

I said this in a post many moons ago. That a friend, and female coworker, was happy and accepting for my decisions, but was unhappy if people asked her why and how I was changing. I thought that was a good point and I told her if anyone asks to tell them to come to me and ask. It was not up to her to out me, and that is what she was nervous about. I have had a few people  come to me, at work, and I have told them the truth, but I don't walk around with a banner, and I do not preach.

Cindy

As I am totally 'out' as a lesbian, I find that tends to distract  any potential questions  about masculine appearance etc.  People tend to see what they want or expect to see.
If someone is genuinely interested and seems likely to react in a positive way I will talk about it.

I'm somewhat stealth myself...If I've known someone for a while, I'll say something, but I don't like to say anything if I just got to know someone. I'd rather they get to know me as I am now, before opening up about something I consider a bit more "personal". That and it avoids having to answer a stranger's awkward questions. I'd rather get to know someone's personality first, so I know the best way to answer their questions.

I don't visually pass 100%. First impression is actually a bit of a roulette for me. But I pass enough that when I say I'm male, people don't question it. I actually had one girl in my Russian class who, upon discovering I was an anime fan, said, "Oh God...and your hot too!" (apparently geeks/nerds are a turn-on for her) And my close friends who know agree, apparently my more feminine features make me more attractive as a male. o.o

i think its perfectly fine to talk about it.

However, I am pretty much stealth at work and very few people know about me being trans at school. So, I just don't talk about it a lot for the exception of my youtube, blogs and a couple other sites. I will talk about me being trans if there is a guy who seems interested in me and I in him.

It's just something that isn't on my agenda.

I guess it's like a gay or lesbian talking about them being gay or lesbian. Sure, they talk about it, but it's nowhere near the focal points on their lives in discussions. The same goes for me.

For years now I have had the rule: If someone asks me a direct question, I will give a direct answer. But I don't go around advertising it and don't blink an eye when the topic of conversation (for whatever reason) wanders generally into "trans territory" (although in those situations I can't help wondering if I am being baited or if it is just coincidence. Either way, I don't take the bait). 

Only once has anyone asked me outright, and I gave the direct answer. It went very well, no problems. I suspect that subsequently he told several people at the office, because suddenly some folks there were more friendly than they had been. Maybe my imagination, but in any case no problems came from it.

well i believe if you ask i say i ain't a boy just a tomboy enough said

I am deeply divided on this.   One part of me wants to tell everyone and even to have it on file.   In sharp contrast another part equally strong wants to keep my gender status are very closely guarded secret.

If someone asks me, then I'll tell that person. I'm not going to tell random people when I meet them, though. I prefer to be considered like any other gay male and that perception would probably change once outing myself unless they had gotten to know me first. My gay friends are the same way. It's just a technique to help avoid prejudice. Once you legitimately consider someone a friend, finding out that he/she is homo/transsexual isn't (usually) going to make you want to have nothing to do with that person.

That said, in LGBT support groups, I don't hide anything. I don't shout out to everyone that I'm trans, but if we're doing a weekly update and I have a new medical thing, or have problems/breakthroughs with my name, then I'll share that even though it alludes to my trans status.
Also, I'm completely out to my entire school because I'm transitioning and it's a tiny school. In general, I prefer to be stealth, but I'm not going to hide my childhood or personal experiences/stories just because of some strange condition.

Quote from: Jen-jenYes, I believe you should talk about who you are! Answer questions about transexuality....of course!  Nothing too personal of course thats not thier business. But without questions and answers how else are people going to understand us and know we are just humans the same as they are, that we have feelings too! I say talk to anyone who wants to know, even the ones that don't! Strangers, coworkers,  friends, family, the world! When your comfortable and ready though!  Just my opinion.

This.

.....though Stealth is not an option for me ...... if it was, I'd be quiet as a mouse

I'm also is several minds about this question.

Part of me wants to shout it from the roof tops. It isn't the ephany, it's the cartharsis. I hate being seen as I do, I hate even more having to play the part.

That leads to the second thought, how much of the pretense has been mine? I haven't fooled myself, but I have spent much of my life playing along with the preceptions and social expectations of others. I know what I am but have allowed what amounts to the threats of society, threats to castigate, to isolate, to attack, to ostracise, to influence how I managed my own life. I've played a part, written for someone else. But more, I've betrayed myself, who I am, what I am and in doing so, I've betrayed others in my situation. All those people out there, like me, pushed by social expectations and threat, to look and act like something else. I've let them down as much as myself.

Part of me wants to just live according to who I am, rather than what I fear. I don't need to wander around telling everyone I'm actually female, but look male, as if I am coming out of some hypothetical closet, seeking permission or confrontation. I am what I am.

In a way, I have thought about this in the past. I have thought about ticking the F box on forms. But in all honesty, the consequence of that will almost certainly be that I'd be told I was causing trouble, or even fraud.

I just don't see myself as some sort of TG version of Rosa Parks, taking on the entire legal structure, not to mention, the social norms of my society. I want to live without shame and the fear of shame. But I'm just not the one to take on the world.

I use to post videos on YouTube to talk about trans issues which helped so many others going through this hectic journey. But I think I'm slowly changing my way of thinking. I just want to be seen as a woman, period. So, once I get my FFS and SRS, I'll probably just fade away and blend into society as just another woman. I'll leave the past where it belongs, in the past.

I don't intend to ever hide my past, it's part of who I am. If people ask me questions, they'll get answers.. I know a lot of you plan on going 'stealth', but having seen how fragile that can actually be, I'm not going to bother..

I see no point in hiding myself away, I've done that for far too long.. I don't intend to wane a flag or have it tattooed across my forehead, but I will always take the opportunity to educate and inform..

Stealth is sadly impossible these days unless you don't plan on working or having anything to do with education, the government, insurance, travel, medicine and finance.   We are all so well documented these days that sooner rather than later someone is going to find out about your past.

Quote from: Princess of Hearts on October 11, 2011, 06:31:42 PM
Stealth is sadly impossible these days unless you don't plan on working or having anything to do with education, the government, insurance, travel, medicine and finance.   We are all so well documented these days that sooner rather than later someone is going to find out about your past.

Depends on when your papers are changed.  I got out of high school with a degree in my new name, and once I get SRS and can get a reissued birth certificate and driver's license all of my papers will have been changed.  I've had no relevant work experience under another name, so that isn't a problem, either.

Practically speaking, how am I going to get outed after that beyond by an old acquaintance with a vendetta?

Depending on your location, your reissued BC may list your old name. And it may turn up as part of a full background check..

I'm willing to answer questions asked out genuine curiosity (within reason) and asked respectfully. Explicit questions about anatomy or sexuality I'll answer only if the asker will answer the same question first.