Hi everyone I am new here but I hope you can help me. For as long as I can remember I have wanted to be a girl. When I was young I used to pray at night that God would turn me into one. Then whenever I got to high school I kept myself so busy that I didn't have time to dwell on those feelings. They were still there but they were kept in the back of my mind. However once I graduated and went to college I couldn't keep myself that busy all the time and those feelings came rushing back. Once those feelings returned to the front of my mind, I became so depressed that my academic career is in shambles and I can't hold down a job. I just can't get excited about life anymore. I am miserable. I just can't shake these feelings that I am the wrong gender. I want to be able to just be happy being a man but the problem is that I've never been very good at being one. I need my life to start getting better. I can't take much more of being at rock bottom constantly. So what are my options here? Can I make these feelings go away? Will they just go away on their own? Like I said earlier, I just want to be happy being male. But I'm not.

Hi Honey,

Welcome to your new family. We know about how you feel and we know the pain and we know the blues and we know the suicide attempts and we know the tears and  Oh hell there are people here in your new family who have some experience of everything.

Oh by the welcome, a Mod should drift in and post a link to the site rules, simple really. Basically can be summarized as don't be an A'hole and you cannot post an avatar or pm until you have 15 posts.

SO.

How are you feeling? I'm an academic, I've always been female, went through the same sort of hell as you seem to be feeling. But life is good.  Once we accept ourselves for being perfectly normal people then guess what? We are perfectly normal people.

Have a read around. There is heaps of posts and information.

Enjoy

Hugs Sweetie
Cindy

Hi Christin.

Many people here know how you feel.

Luckily there are fairly established guidelines for treatment these days and feeling gender incongruent no longer has to feel like a death sentence.

The best best best advice is to find a mental health professional. Not because you are crazy, but because you're not and they are able to reassure you about that and work with you to develop a plan to treat this.

There is no one set path for everyone but for many people, once they realize this can be treated, undertake hormone replacement therapy (which works surprisingly well and even better if you are in your twenties or younger), social transition and eventually genital surgery.

That said, you don't have to do all that, but for many it allows them to live life as it always should have been.

The key is to get to a mental health professional, that way you can get to the bottom of this quick smart.

Which country/state do you live in? We might be able to provide you with some leads for therapy.

BTW - Cindy makes a great point. People with gender incongruence are largely not like the negative stereotypes portrayed by the media. Here you'll find many normal women that wrongly went through male puberty. Some are really pretty, others (like me) are not but most are just normal people, who eventually lead normal lives.

Hi Christin.

Just to repeat what others have already said, you're not alone now and this is the place to get the sort of sensible support you are seeking.

Really looking forward to hearing more from you. Don't look for instant answers though, ultimately, you have those, we can and will support you in finding them.

Will these feeling go away? I can almost guarantee that if you're still feeling them at your age, they will only get stronger as time goes on. Hell, I bet someone would have an easier time trying to dislike chocolate when they originally loved it than to try and make these feelings go away. The point is, if suppressing your feelings about wanting to be female isn't working, then try embracing the idea!

Will there be pain? Yes. Will there be heartache? Almost certainly. But think about it. Think about how horrible you can get while depressed. Do you really want to feel that your entire life? If the answer is no, then you should take the first step forward. That first step, my friend, is usually education about the subject. The second is therapy. And trust me, even if you were to end up changing your mind, both of those would help tremendously.

Lastly, remember that no matter what options you choose, you will always be able to find support here and in other places. That said have a nice time at Susan's!

I'm in the same boat as you, Christin, as im sure a lot of people here are. i came to this site to find help and acceptance for something i have felt my entire life. the advice to go see a therapist is sound, but unfortunately I myself cannot go see one or take any steps toward a transition at this point in my life. so i have to deal with my unbearable dysphoria and depression a bit longer... hopefully you are in a much more fortunate position than I, because i think the sooner you start, the better.

I, too, have felt the same feelings as you have. I have tried ignoring them, and covering them up with other things ... but in the end all that did was just make me more depressed. So even though I most certainly can't speak for everyone, for me the feelings have never gone away. On the contrary, they have only gotten stronger over time.

What I would suggest you do at this point, is to privately embrace it. Make yourself look more feminine while just at home and see how that feels for you. You can then from there on out draw your own conclusions and decide further what you want to do.

As people have said before me, you will find a lot of support both here as well as in other communities. Even some of your friends might surprise you with acceptance and support.

Quote from: lethe on October 10, 2011, 09:40:37 AM
I'm in the same boat as you, Christin, as im sure a lot of people here are. i came to this site to find help and acceptance for something i have felt my entire life. the advice to go see a therapist is sound, but unfortunately I myself cannot go see one or take any steps toward a transition at this point in my life. so i have to deal with my unbearable dysphoria and depression a bit longer... hopefully you are in a much more fortunate position than I, because i think the sooner you start, the better.

Hi Lethe

I'm not doubting you've checked things out but, depending on where you are, there are a lot of options for counselling, etc. Maybe the people here could provide you with some ideas. Where are you from?

Quote from: lethe on October 10, 2011, 09:40:37 AM
I'm in the same boat as you, Christin, as im sure a lot of people here are. i came to this site to find help and acceptance for something i have felt my entire life. the advice to go see a therapist is sound, but unfortunately I myself cannot go see one or take any steps toward a transition at this point in my life. so i have to deal with my unbearable dysphoria and depression a bit longer... hopefully you are in a much more fortunate position than I, because i think the sooner you start, the better.

I'm in the same position, but we have to keep our heads high.  I'm currently going through the slow process of accepting myself and who I am, which may be the biggest and hardest step and is something I can do at this point in time even with the situation I'm in.

Christin you are very welcome here.

I don't think the feelings will go away. I've never seen them go away in anybody. Just recognize that this stuff happens, and it's not your fault, and you owe it to yourself to make it right as best you can. If you think you're a woman, then you are one. If you only suspect, than you deserve to be able to freely explore that without judgement. Don't take reactions from society or the media too personally. This is worth everything to you.

When I was a kid I prayed to god that I'd wake up as a boy and everything would be okay. Such a simple thing. It tore me to pieces. You have to answer your own prayers.

Do the feelings go away? Hibernate at best. Keeping buried in work trying to be an uber engineer as well as demanding perfection of myself in all areas defined as a "man's" role helps keep your mind off it. Worked pretty good for 30-40 years. When I can look over my life with an open mind, I did pretty damn good and did tons of cool stuff that I should be proud of. It was also essentially a joyless life. Hard to get excited about most things. Pretty much a "Life sucks and then you die" philosophy.   

When the excrement hits the air handler you start looking at Plan B or a modification of it as a viable option. All of your life you will be making compromises. Decisions are made based on the pro's, con's and their weighting factors. For me, what has always helped me was knowing that no matter course was chosen, if something isn't working right, try something else. ( Apparently an unheard of concept for defense contractors I learned after having to rent my soul to the devil for a job ) That "Throw it out and try again" philosophy, for some odd reason, I never dared to apply to myself and my life untill the past year or so. Nope, I decided not once, but twice, it's best to just fake being a guy.  I've been applying it towards me now. Life isn't so joyless any more. Ironic that it is while I've never been crying as much as I do now.

Quote from: caitlin_adams on October 10, 2011, 05:15:36 PM
Hi Lethe

I'm not doubting you've checked things out but, depending on where you are, there are a lot of options for counselling, etc. Maybe the people here could provide you with some ideas. Where are you from?

i live in Texas. Austin, to be precise. its a very open and accepting area. the thing is, im extremely poor right now. barely have enough money for gas and food and such. ugh the job situation here is terrible! so being able to afford a therapist or what-have you is out of the question at this point...

Oh! I lived in Austin not but just over a year ago!  I love that city, and I miss it greatly. I plan on moving back there evenually.

JoanneB,
It's really good to hear you are moving on into Plan B and things are starting to work for you. I think tears were invented to wash away the mess we make. Loved your comment about the 'air handler'. So beautifully put. Let us know how you are coping and keep in touch. Be safe, well and happy.
Lotsa luv
Catherine