Well i'll try and make a long story short - a tg friend of mine committed suicide last night. I first met her at my local support group (which i no longer go to), we had alot of the same interests so we became friends pretty quick. I got a text from her really late last night it said " Hey...thanks for all your help and for being my friend -xo" it was really late and i was half dead (asleep) so i didn't txt her back. I found out from my therapist that she took her own life late last night, no suicide note nothing.


  I've been crying all day thinking about her, she had so much going for her transition wise. She was only 21 years old, naturally beautiful, and already had a passing female voice. I remember her saying "i don't want to be a transsexual, i want to be a girl...i feel like a girl" at one of our group meetings.


  What is your opinion on suicide, do you think it's an easy way out or maybe it's the only way out for some? Discuss     


       

How about finding out my brother commited suicide at the ago of 20. He was found dressed in girls clothes. Many more things came out after that. I never told him(her) about me out of fear just to find out she was going through the samething as me. We did not even know we both were born this way. As for you and everyone else here at susan's are my brother and sisters now. Not wanting to be something does not change things. A week before she died I thought about calling her. I didn't. That is all I thought about for years. I felt like I let her down that I could have been there for her if I was open to her. I can't with her but I see her here going through samethings. Needing help. Needing to just know she is loved for who she is.

I am sorry for your loss.

I am very sorry to see the loss of your friend.
It's a shame that some are made to feel that's the only way out.

If you or anyone you know is considering suicide there are people to talk to that help:

In Australia, call Lifeline on 13 11 14
In the United States, call the Suicide Prevention Lifeline on 1 800 273 8255
In the UK, call Samaritans on 08457 90 90 90
In the Republic of Ireland, call Samaritans on 1850 60 90 90

For those in other nations visit http://www.befrienders.org/

Even if you're not suicidal and just need someone to talk to you can ring the above numbers 24/7.

For some, it does seem like the only way out.  They need help.

I don't agree that it is an easy way out.  Ideas like that only further harm and alienate those who were and are suffering.

Quote from: Forever21Chic on October 12, 2011, 01:15:23 AM
     Well i'll try and make a long story short - a tg friend of mine committed suicide last night. I first met her at my local support group (which i no longer go to), we had alot of the same interests so we became friends pretty quick. I got a text from her really late last night it said " Hey...thanks for all your help and for being my friend -xo" it was really late and i was half dead (asleep) so i didn't txt her back. I found out from my therapist that she took her own life late last night, no suicide note nothing.


  I've been crying all day thinking about her, she had so much going for her transition wise. She was only 21 years old, naturally beautiful, and already had a passing female voice. I remember her saying "i don't want to be a transsexual, i want to be a girl...i feel like a girl" at one of our group meetings.


  What is your opinion on suicide, do you think it's an easy way out or maybe it's the only way out for some? Discuss     


       

That's really sad, I can't imagine how you feel. It's good that you have a therapist to talk to about this (who actually understands the situation).

There's just so much pain and sadness surrounding gender incongruence, couple that with the trials and tribulations everyone goes through and life can be pretty miserable.

I drafted a response to your questions but decided not to post it as I'm not a qualified mental health professional nor am I a qualified counsellor and as such I don't want to inadvertently say anything that could be misinterpreted by anyone.

I've had those thoughts before. If anyone else out there is thinking about suicide call one of the numbers I posted above. Even if you think you've made up your mind, it doesn't hurt to talk it over with someone.

I am so very sorry Forever21Chic

Unfortunately, suicide plagues our community more than any other group of folks and it hits hardest when we lose someone close to us

I do not believe it is either the easy way or the only way out... But rather a cancer that we must fight by sticking together and standing up for equality and human rights for trans people

Hugs dear, we are here for you

- Virginia

I'm so sorry for your pain.
As my sister (VM) said, suicide plagues us, Caitlen has done a great job posting those numbers.

I have and I will keep talking to anyone at this site who posts that they are depressed or suicidal. Many of us have done so in the past and we have helped people through the dark hours. Being with people who know and understand can help so much.

But there is one over riding rule about this sort of counselling. IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT IF THE PERSON TAKES THAT STEP.

The blame is NEVER on you. To accept responsibility for their actions will not help them and will hurt you.

Sorry to shout but it is important. What if? Doesn't help.

Hugs my friends. We are family. We are strong because we have have such difficulties. We know that the only way we can keep going is with the love that we have for each other and the horror of our predicament. Few people have that bond ; total strangers who can call out and people who know exactly how they feel are here.

If you are feeling suicidal or depressed post clearly with a title that you are feeling suicidal or depressed etc. It doesn't matter what you have done. It doesn't matter if you are drunk or whatever. Post. 
If you can, set up local friend networks at Sue's that you can talk to if you are down. Just a couple of people who you like or can relate to. I have them.  When the black dog runs I can talk to my friends, and there is no shame embarrassment or guilt. They do the same to me.  And as they know, Woe be time them if they fail to tell me.

Caitlin has done everyone a big favour. Print the numbers out and put them on a place you can find when you are down, or when you are contacted by people who are down.

The loss of a sister or brother is terrible. My love and hugs to you Forever21chic.  You sound like a very caring and decent woman. Do not dwell on what might have been. It doesn't matter, love her memory and live her spirit.

If anyone needs to contact me, email me. You know who I am.

Cindy James

Do a web search and you'll find the numbers are staggering for suicide in the trans community when compared to the general population.  I'm sorry you have to go through this.  That the living suffer so much is something those who commit or attempt suicide seem to fail to grasp.  Or they just don't care.

Julie and I have a friend who began her transition a little over a year ago.  Since that time she's made four suicide attempts, two in the last month.  The last one, about two weeks ago, she texted her sister and said something about "this candle is going out."  Her sister found her heavily sedated and rushed her to the hospital where she was admitted to the psych ward.  We talked several days ago.  She didn't seem to care or failed to understand what she did.  She has an addictive personality and has an addictive relationship with alcohol, prescription meds, cigarettes and food.  Now it seems she's forming one with taking her life, or at least going to extremes to cry out for help.  But she refuses any real help.  She wants the world to solve all her problems.

Too many of us think resolving our gender identity issues will solve other problems.  I don't know of one case where that was true.  Usually, coming out and/or transitioning brings about lots of very difficult challenges and if your plate is full with other problems, this can put one into overload.

Society is still pretty firmly set in the mindset that being transgender is likened to being mentally ill and worse (pervert, pedophile, etc.)  And society avoids people like that and would prefer they be locked away, that is if they can't be cured.  But when we spend too much time in trans-support environments, it's easy to forget that. 

Coming out of the trans closet can be a major shock to the system, simply because society makes it that way.  Until things really change, we need to remember that and continually remind those on the verge of coming out that this is reality.

Dear Forever21Chic,  my heart goes out to you. You did the best you could to help, so please don't blame yourself at all.  Your friend found herself in a place where the irrational became rational, so there really is no explanation possible.

If anyone is having problems, or has a friend who is, call the numbers Caitlin put up.   Please don't feel like they won't really be interested, helping is what they want to do otherwise they would not be there.

Karen.

Sorry for your loss. 

Forever21Chic, I hope you are doing okay. Stay strong for us, and your dear friend. She's gone, but definitely not forgotten, in all of our hearts.

I had thoughts like this yesterday. I was so upset and confused and I thought that maybe it would bring me some peace. I thought that the world was against me and that I don't belong here. Luckily, I didn't act on any of this. I told myself I wasn't done yet.

Being trans is hard...really, really hard! It saddens me that so many beautiful trans people end up on the wrong side of suicide. These poor boys and girls don't get to live the life that they were supposed to have, and so sorely deserved. People who have to fight for what everyone else has. It's not fair.

My heart goes out to everyone in the trans community and to all those lost souls.

I give all of my love to you.
Karlee.x

dear forever21chick, i am terribly sorry for your loss. My heart goes out to you, i wish you the strength to go through this.

Maybe I'm just naturally pissed but it pisses me off to hear when someone commities sucide. Not at them but to the others who pushed them into it. *Bigotry, Racism, ect* or maybe it's just because the world feels a need for titles.

The way I look at it is I am female. Always have been always will be. I just have a birth defect in which I plan on getting fixed. Their are people with turmors, mental retardation, born with 6 fingers instead of 5 and I don't look down on them but I've known they feel like their freaks cause of the social norm. I look at this in the same way and I take the same mentality I've told them.

We're NOT freaks. End of discussion.

I'm so sorry this had to happen. My heart goes out to you and everyone else here, as well as anyone who has or has had a friend take or want to take their own lives, as well as anyone contemplating the issue themselves.

I used to think that suicide was cowardly, that only idiots would kill themselves. My sister used to cut herself a lot, and once she told my mom she wanted to kill herself and wanted her to call a hospital. They got into a huge argument in which my mom refused to bring her to a hospital, saying that she was just feeling down and wanted attention. Eventually my sister called my other sister and she drove her to the hospital. Now knowing my sister, I'm honestly not sure if she was just craving attention or not, but at the time I thought of the whole thing as stupid. That was until I've contemplated suicide myself. Now I understand that suicide should be taken seriously at all times, and it's not a coward's way out. I'm not saying it's the right course of action, but when the world beats you down sometimes it just seems like the best way of achieving peace...

There will be a day when trans-people, and hopefully every other person in this world, will no longer feel the need to take their own lives. There has to be. And we have to be the ones that help make it a reality.

My heart goes out to Forever21Chic and janine.

It's difficult to really look at this issue because we all feel we must discourage others from doing the same. If we don't and they do, then we may, in some way, be responsible for their death.

The reality is, when someone wants to die, there is very little we can do to stop them. By its nature, they have got beyond the point of phone lines or therapy.

Some succeed though they would prefer to be rescued. Many are very near this point, yet can find a lot of comfort in phoning, or just meeting someone to chat.

But those that have decided, its just a matter of time, their own time. I've known a few people who have killed themselves, but my own view, in each case, is that these people were actually killed by the situation they were in, be it depression, other mental illness, or frequently, the pressure from society to live in a manner that is not natural for them.

But I take the view that they died as a result of external conditions, as much as someone who dies of disease or a car crash.

Like, I suspect, many here, I have lived much of my own life near to that point. I look forward to dying. I long since have had enough of living. No-one's fault. I blame no-one nor do I seek to show anyone or teach anyone a lesson.

I have carried on and will continue to do so, for the sake of my wife who will be left alone.

Best wished to Forever21Chic and janine and others in a similar situation.

Quote from: Gadgett on October 12, 2011, 05:52:06 AM
Maybe I'm just naturally pissed but it pisses me off to hear when someone commities sucide. Not at them but to the others who pushed them into it.

I agree but we're not the only ones who experience this.  Look at the kids who turned on their classmates at Columbine and other schools.  Most of them were taunted, criticized and rejected.  Control through social pressure causes a lot of people to do things they otherwise would never do.  Society needs a new attitude, but with so many ignorant people who have no desire to be anything else but, I just don't see that happening. 

Parents pass on their prejudices for many reasons but none of them is due to kindness, compassion or empathy.  Many parents have the attitude, "I had to go through that and if I did, so should you!"  It's stupid personified.  And teachers aren't much help either.  Add to that the fact many religions preach that certain types of behavior need to be suppressed and even eradicated, and you've created a living hell for people who are different.

I'm so sorry for the loss of your friend.  It's tragic that our society is so judgemental and cruel that kind, fragile people conclude that there is no other way to be rid of the pain.  As Cindy said, just remember that it isn't your fault in any way. 
I hope there is someone there for you right now - to hug you and share your grief.  You have our support here.
Julie

Forever21Chic and Jainie, I'm sorry to hear of the suicides that have touched you. These are traumatic events for all parties concerned.

A friend of mine killed himself years ago after coming out as gay and his family rejected him. This was my first real acquaintance with just how destructive hate and rejection can be.

I won't say it's an easy way out; I have a complicated relationship with the concept of suicide.

I know two people who killed themselves due to chronic pain, and medical science at those times (mid 1980's and mid 2000's) had done all that could have been done for them. For them, suicide was the only way to stop the chronic physical pain.

To me, it's an easy thing to say, "It gets better." In my case, it has gotten better. But, I think that's due partly to the environment that I'm in. My churches and friends are supportive. If they weren't, it might be very difficult for it to get better. I was suicidal at a couple of points earlier this year, and it was related to transition. If I owned a gun, I probably would not have lived through the month of May. I got through it, and things are looking up. I really feel that it's the support I've been able to receive that helped me get through those times.

From what I've observed, suicide sometimes stems from depression and sometimes is stems from a desire to end suffering. To me, those are subtle distinctions, but they are different. My friend PJ killed himself out of depression due to rejection by his fmaily after coming out as gay. The other two people I mentioned killed themselves to end physical suffering. Were these easy ways out? I cannot and will not say.

Suicide is complicated, and to say it's a selfish act to me is a selfish statement. I understand that this is my opinion that that it might be offensive to others. Let me say that it is not my intention to offend, and if I have please forgive me.

It doesn't matter so much now why it happened or who or what is to blame. It's just really ->-bleeped-<-ing awful.

Forever21Chic,  I'm so so sorry for your loss.