Yesterday was National Coming Out Day in the US, and today in the UK.  I know it's in other countries too, just not sure of the timing.

I considered posting something on Facebook about being both a straight ally and androgyne, but have chickened out so far.  I'd like to be frank and bold about it because the world needs to be more aware of us.  But at the same time, I don't want the awkwardness of acquaintances asking me about it in person, or scrutinizing me daily to see if I'm interdressing, or among some of the folks I know, outright teasing about it.

But I hate being such a wimp about it.

Coming out for me is when people have asked me something genderwise.
I have been asked by other transgender people, and a few straight people.
My answers are short and to the point. I don't feel like it is my 'duty' to educate IRL.
Here it is very heartfelt and I enjoy watching and seeing people grow as their questions are being answered.

Ativan

Hmmmm coming out day! The concept is great if your Lesbian, Gay, Bi, TS etc etc, however feel us Androgynes in the UK should just keep quiet as we have more chance of being put in a straight jacket and carted off in a white van, than being understood, my last visit to see mental health nurse just about sums up this countries attitude to us. Asked one question "do you fancy men? when i answered no, i was told well i couldnt be TS then as woman fancy men, after half an hour i was not only was i was  not TS but recommended to go to anger managemnet and low self esteem classes??

I would like to point out that all this was before i found out myself that i was androgyne, but i feel i could never go and see anyone in the medical profession again about myself and i definately couldnt go and say im half male and half female, as they would lock me up and throw away the key. There may come a time when people who live diverse lifestyles are accepted for what they are, but feel its gonna be several generations before we are understood.

Shelly, whoever told you you can't be an MTF TS unless you're straight should get reported. That sounds Edwardian - they need retiring.

Very true Shelley.  No one I have spoken to has any problem with my being TS and 100% lesbian.  In fact the general opinion seems to be that it is more likely than straight.  Maybe you should just say your gender and sexuality are "fluid"?

Don't tar all medical professionals with the same brush, there are far more who are keeping up with things than not.  When you find someone who you work well with, they are worth sticking with.

Karen.

Arguably, what's going to change peoples' minds is awareness.  I've been amazed at the number of internet threads I've seen where people admit they don't even really know what transgender means, much less have heard of any sort of non-binary gender stuff.  Lady Gaga, regardless of what I think of here music or style, is fighting for trans people, and there's Chaz Bono of course.  But there's not much of a public awareness of non-binaries... which I think could benefit trans people and feminism as well.

But I'm not a fighter myself.

Quote from: Padma on October 13, 2011, 05:09:14 AM
Shelly, whoever told you you can't be an MTF TS unless you're straight should get reported. That sounds Edwardian - they need retiring.

Padma, believe you me it gets worse. This woman is a so say gender specialist who you go to see before getting reffered to a gender shrink, she said for as long as she has been doing this job she has never felt the need to reffer anyone to see him as and i quote "threre is normally a simple reason why YOU people are the way you are!!!!!!!! If it wasnt for the fact that i was with my wife at the time, then i would of never believed what came out of her mouth.

Look at me now, i currently dont know the last time i felt so low and confused about myself, my wife is a great listener but i feel stupid and guilty over the things i feel right now and the things i want to say, well just dont make sense. I would like nothing more than to sit down with someone who might just understand a little of where i am coming from, but i feel the people who are available, especially on the NHS in England are not qualified enough to understand how i am feeling. I realise i could go private, which i would have no problem with, but how do i know i am not gonna get treated the same as i always have done, but have to pay for the privalidge.

As your wife is a witness, I'd go straight over her head and report her for gross incompetence.  Her opinion is obviously totally biased, and not worth anything.
Go for the jugular!

Karen.

Quote from: justmeinoz on October 14, 2011, 06:17:33 AM
As your wife is a witness, I'd go straight over her head and report her for gross incompetence.  Her opinion is obviously totally biased, and not worth anything.
Go for the jugular!

Karen.

If only i could, but this was several years ago now, but the hope is somebody reported her and she got struck off. It just ended my trust in the NHS and made me feel that i am very much alone in this journey through my strange life.

Might be worth going back to the same place again then, and seeing if anything has changed, or do you live the wrong side of a line on the NHS map?

Karen.

I posted a belated coming-out message on Facebook. Sort of. Something along the lines of "[Julian] is here. Is queer. Missed Nat'l Coming-Out Day." It took me a few minutes of staring at the computer screen to come up with something to say and the courage to say it. Now, I kind of regret having posted it for almost everyone I know to see, but I'm also kind of glad I did, and I also kind of wish I'd said more. But it would have required big words like demisexual, demiromantic, androgyny, agender, neutrois. The way I see it, maybe next year I'll have the courage and the eloquence to be a little more thorough.

I did get several "likes" on my post, and some from family members. So I think it went well.

Like


Ativan

Quote from: Julian on October 14, 2011, 11:20:57 AM
But it would have required big words like demisexual, demiromantic, androgyny, agender, neutrois.

Why?? i sometimes come on Susans and i feel like i have entered a class full of people educated to the standard of Einstein, people get afraid of things they dont understand, and the use of words that you have put above along with bi gender, sis gender gender queer etc etc etc well it sends me spiraling into oblivion, let alone what the average joe must think. What you also need to bare in mind is folk come onto these sites sometimes looking to find out what they possibly could be, like me for instance,didnt have a clue what Androgyne was till i found Susans, decided yep that was me, then people come up with "maybe you should describe yourself as being gender fluid ?? Just think sometimes its best to keep it as simple as possible.

Quote from: shelly on October 14, 2011, 12:43:00 PM
Why?? i sometimes come on Susans and i feel like i have entered a class full of people educated to the standard of Einstein, people get afraid of things they dont understand, and the use of words that you have put above along with bi gender, sis gender gender queer etc etc etc well it sends me spiraling into oblivion, let alone what the average joe must think. What you also need to bare in mind is folk come onto these sites sometimes looking to find out what they possibly could be, like me for instance,didnt have a clue what Androgyne was till i found Susans, decided yep that was me, then people come up with "maybe you should describe yourself as being gender fluid ?? Just think sometimes its best to keep it as simple as possible.

That's precisely why I didn't come out further. It's hard to describe myself in layman's terms without getting really long-winded, and I didn't think I could do it justice.

For the last few years I've posted something general about Coming Out Day on my FB page. Last year a few people replied with interest, I PMed them with more personal info. I've come out to many friends over the years, and am always happy to educate people about transgender issues. I also post other things about gender variance on FB when I find something of interest. Some interesting conversations happen sometimes, especially between people who know and who don't 

Z

I'm not going to come out for now, thanks to all your advice on this forum i think the best way to go it to just live the way I want and explain if i must.

but ... on the other hand ... i'm in profession which doesn't have many LGBT folk in it. or at least not ones who are out.

it's easy to be discriminated against where i work too in terms of career progession and career opportunities, let alone of getting a foot on the ladder in the first place. I think things are changing of course, but there's still a long way to go.

i've had help without which i wouldn't be where i am now. i'm starting to think that in the future i should think about ... i'm not sure really how i'd do it, but i guess join the LGBT society or such so that word gets out and people would know who to turn to if they had any questions or anything. or just to show that it's possible to forge a career in such a political environment if you aren't male, cis, white and straight.

i know i wouldn't be where i am now if i didn't have people who i could look up to, and who i could discuss things with and who ultimately helped me.

so while coming out might not make much of a difference to me or be good for me, i think maybe not doing so in the future might not be something i could live with.

I got a facebook message from my cousin, saying how proud she was of me for coming out and "being free." It was really sweet of her, but I'm not sure how it makes me feel. I suppose I'm somewhat out, but not the way I'd like to be. I'm contemplating making a better, more thorough post, but I can't come up with a good reason why. I'm not asking for a name or pronoun change, I'm not asking to be treated any differently. I guess I just wish I'd done Coming Out Day a little better. Maybe I should just wait until next year.

That's kind of my thing, too.  I don't want to be treated differently.

I came out, and continue to come out because of my active transitioning. I have changed my name, I'm on T which has effected the way I look and my voice. Due to this...I've come out.

I've recently had surgery which has gender in it's basis (though many people get breast reductions and not for gender based reasons) and if people ask...I tell them. I'm not out at work but people think I'm a "dyke" which...in it's basis and their understanding of expression...is essentially right. Though they've got the word wrong.

I don't know that coming out is for everyone but if I come out as androgyn...and one of you meets the person I've come out to, and then that person is already knowledgeable and sensitive when they meet you...and it's easier for you...it's worth it.

I'll out myself to someone if I think it's worth the effort, otherwise they will just have to accept me as who I say I am, and work things out for themselves. 
All the people I have as contacts on FaceBook, were told when I gave them my new FB account, and I didn't have one decline to move to my new account. If they were not a close friend I just told them I was not going to be on FB any more.

Karen.