so I've been browsing back thru topics and 1 thing here seems a bit disturbing.......why do so many post op gals delete their accounts and leave?
just wondering.  I'm assuming their accounts have been deleted when it says "guest" under their username?
are people being mean to them? is there nothing more they need from the site? please, what is it.........the whole community can not afford to be fragmented

one of the final steps is to move on with your new life and I think it's a matter of that's what they are doing.

You can't really blame them. they work so hard to become "normal" and to become accepted. Anything that would link them to their past could undo everything they worked towards.

They leave for the same reason they came here, because they want to.

I can't say what I'll feel like further down the road on this subject, but for me personally there are 2 possibilities post-op. I think it mainly depends in the kind of community I end up living in.

I will either disappear completely, living as stealth as I possibly can, or I will become an activist and be openly trans. I love the idea of being an activist for the cause, and that's what I'm leaning towards at this point in time, but I just can't tell you yet how I feel in a few years.

Sorry to burst a bubble, but they leave becasue they don't like it here anymore and they went somewhere else.  They are very much supportive of a gender binary which is a view that isn't well tolerated here.  I actually forsee almost ALL of the post-ops leaving.

I don't plan on leaving, but then again most people also say I'm really quite weird.

Maybe they'll come back just to answer this question for you.

There is a multitude of reasons for why one would leave a social group. It could be because they no longer feel they "belong". It could also be because they no longer find joy within the group. If it's a support group, it could be because they no longer feel they need support or do not wish to give it as much as they used to. Perhaps they feel abused while within the group. Like others have said, maybe they want to cut ties with their past.

I personally don't think it's specifically because they're post-op, but perhaps for one of the reasons above, which may just happen to coincide with them being post-operative. I feel that this is a case of "to each their own". I don't believe that there is any single reason for why post-ops keep leaving, but I also think that there is little reason to ask why unless the person who left wants to answer the question themselves. Otherwise it's all speculation and no fact.

TL;DR: Why do post-ops keep leaving? Nobody knows except for the individuals themselves. I say we leave it at that.

Well I'm post-op now and have not left - so far at least. ~

I have met some post-ops, (see my post about "chips on our shoulders") and for some reason some post-op folks get this superiority thing going. I guess it makes them feel better?

Or as some would say: "hey - what ever blows your hair back..." :-)

If we leave for stealth reasons I have ALL the understanding for THAT. I think the majority may just go away for that reason... YMMV

Thoughtful...
Axelle

Quote from: Gadgett on October 14, 2011, 05:47:19 AM
one of the final steps is to move on with your new life and I think it's a matter of that's what they are doing.

You can't really blame them. they work so hard to become "normal" and to become accepted. Anything that would link them to their past could undo everything they worked towards.

This is it really I believe.  I mean think about that Borg bit on the in news section awhile ago.  The goal of all of us here generally is to be the gender we know in our hearts we are and to pass in every way we can as one.  That means doing things that lets face it... only natal peeps learned to do growing up just being who they are.  You can't learn to be a woman from another transgendered person nor can you learn to be a man.

However you can learn all this from a natal woman/man as they just lived it without a second thought about it.  All of it is natural as breathing to them.  So many peeps who finish wish to live the dream and their life goal.  They want to be with other women/men and just be one of them without some history always slightly setting them apart.

I know that once all is said and done sadly I will leave the community.  As it is I only get read when I am with other transgendered peeps and I want to leave the past behind me.  I desire to live as a women all the way and never once have anyone look at me anymore for my history I had no control or say over.  Ya. I want to rights, etc for all of us but.. I've had to fight for things all my life already outside the transgender issue and for it.  I am tired of it and want to live a normal life and I am not willing to give up on that dream just to make a few peeps of our community happy.


Yvonne may also have a point there as well as jealousy can be a powerful thing.  They have finished while you still struggle etc.  I know I feel it around them but I will never be mean about it.

Quote from: JessicaH on October 14, 2011, 08:38:30 AM
Sorry to burst a bubble, but they leave becasue they don't like it here anymore and they went somewhere else.  They are very much supportive of a gender binary which is a view that isn't well tolerated here.  I actually forsee almost ALL of the post-ops leaving.

Now I think that is just a little bit of a hostile viewpoint there.  I doubt all them think in such simple terms however... is it not their own right to live a normal life?  I thought that was the goal of most transgendered peeps?  I mean power to crossdressers etc but I don't want to be under the same umbrella as my goal is to be the other gender.  Not be mistaken for the others under the umbrella term.

I think of it rather as graduation. When they reach the end of their transition they are ready to move on.
I find the statement that post-ops very much support the binary gender model rather insensitive.
You can't blame people for who they are!
I started out as self described transgender lesbian to transgender bisexual, and ended up as heteroflexible female with strong preference for men.
I progressed with my transition, changed most of my documents, live and work as a woman.
There is less and less that connects me with Trans-anything or with being Lesbian but I do not support the binary gender roles at all. It just happens that I feel like just another girl on the block.

I haven't had the SRS yet and that is now my almost only challenge. Once I am done with that what else is there to do?
Lead lengthy discussion over if I claim "transsexuality" a proper identity? Fight the semantics and who's right and who's wrong? Or may be figuring out if I suddenly die how would I like to be buried will let me rest in piece? And there are people who are sort of holding the other members as emotional hostages with their semi direct suicidal tendencies and do not respond literally to any post of encouragements.
When I face my RLE I see many reasons to leave after "graduation". In fact I have been only coming back lately to rather give support to someone who is in greater need than I am but this too has it's limits considering the aforementioned state of  discussion topics and some of the members attitudes.

So little is being discussed about how to actually improve peoples lives.

Quote from: Korlee on October 14, 2011, 09:47:00 AM
Now I think that is just a little bit of a hostile viewpoint there.  I doubt all them think in such simple terms however... is it not their own right to live a normal life?  I thought that was the goal of most transgendered peeps?  I mean power to crossdressers etc but I don't want to be under the same umbrella as my goal is to be the other gender.  Not be mistaken for the others under the umbrella term.

I certainly didn't mean for it to sound hostile, ESPECIALLY to them! I'm also not making a wild guess in the dark about "why".  I know most of the ones that left and I hope I accurately reflected their majority view but..., I in no way mean to act as a voice for anyone except myself.

Quote from: envie on October 14, 2011, 10:08:20 AM
I find the statement that post-ops very much support the binary gender model rather insensitive.

Maybe there is a misunderstanding as to what i meant by "binary gender".  An M2F Transsexual that has gone as far as to have SRS, isn't confused about who they are. Most are quite happy with there being males and females in the world and they just want to be female. They dont want to deconstruct gender and blur the lines of gender, they just want to be women as do I.

I don't want to or plan to transition from male to transsexual. I am doing my best to do what I can to not be a M2T any longer than absolutely necessary and that is simply "my view" FOR MYSELF. It is important to me how the rest of the world reacts to me as my income and many other things are influenced by that and to deny that reality would be delusional.

To be absolutely clear, I don't care how anyone else lives their life or goes about their transition process. I am a very "live and let live" kind of person. I understand that there are many variations of transgender and a full spectrum of those between female and male and wish everyone kindness, happiness and love.

Hello everyone.

I left because the site that I loved and spent years on changed. I concur with everything Yvonne said.

I came back only to respond to some recent posts that were upsetting to me in the Post-op forum.

Quote from: Whitney on October 14, 2011, 08:42:33 AM
most people also say I'm really quite weird.

*giggles* I can confirm this. 

Good point Yvonne. I've seen that elitist term thrown around quite a bit on here

As harsh as Laura's post may seem, I agree with her. Why can't we just be happy for each other?

This topic is now locked.  Let's remember the TOS please.  Some of us seem to forget them all too often.