I don't know how many of you remember the 'creep' that I talked about on here a few times, but I've got an update on the situation. I finally broke down and met up with him. He was this guy from high-school that I barely know. He found me on Facebook and we've been talking. He's been wanting to see me for at least two years, and I always avoided it. When you're a Criminal Justice major, you get these suspicions that everyone in the world is out to rape you and steal your underwear. Seriously. So I've been pushing him away, but I finally broke down and said I'd be willing to see me.

Last night, he came to my house. I introduced him to my grandma and we went down to my room. We watched TV, and generally hung out. But he constantly brought up me being trans and my lack of masculinity. He marveled at how hairy my arms were and made fun of my hair and my voice and was constantly trying to get me to 'sound like a man,' in fact, the whole time he was trying to give me 'lessons,' on being manly. If I asked for his opinion, I wouldn't be mad, but I never asked. He just acted like he was the total authority on how 'real men' should be, and it drove me crazy. Mind you, I know he likes me. He kept touching me and hugging me and holding me and I'd freeze and stop breathing. He grabbed my thigh...like really REALLY close to...lady-parts land and I seriously couldn't breathe. Of course, I'm such a damned pussy that I didn't punch him in the face and tell him 'no,' After that, he told me that he doesn't think of me as a man and he said, "To me, you'll always be 'insert girl name here,' to me. You're just a hairy girl,'

Just a hairy girl...

I was so f***ing pissed.

Maybe it's immature for me to get so mad over something so small. But it's not small to me.

I've made the decision to stop talking to him. I'm blocking him off of everything and I don't want to deal with him. He completely disrespected me and I know that he was only there to try and get into my pants. Which he didn't! So hah!

...I find it awkward...

As much as I feel like a man, and as much as I wish that I was just 'one of the guys,' I seem to have a serious problem in getting along with cisgendered guys. I want to hang out with them, and I hang out with a few. But no matter what I do, they seem to think that I'm hitting on them, and it doesn't matter if I tell them that I'm trans. And from that point, they treat me like just another girl and think that they can get away with touching me however the hell I want.

Sometimes, I hate cis-boys...and not just because they can spell their name in the snow and I can't.

I think you made a good decision to stop talking to him. That guy definitely sounds like a creep and not worth your time. Even if you didn't say anything to him about how uncomfortable he was making you by touching you like that, at least up here in Canada that would be considered a form of sexual assault that you could press charges over.

It's definitely not immature for you to get mad about him essentially trying to negate your identity. He just sounds like a guy who thinks he can convince you that you're not trans by telling you that "really, you're just a girl etc" and trying to sexualise you/feminize you when you already told him that's not how you feel.

Anyone who consistently acts like you being friendly toward them is you hitting on them or who doesn't listen to you when you tell them you don't want to be around them, I think is worth watching out for. Seems like the guy you described above and others similar might see you as more vulnerable and so easier to assault/harass without consequences because you're trans. Just be careful, dude. All of us should be more careful.

Not all cisguys are like that, though. You just need to be careful who you decide to befriend, either cisguy or cisgirl. Both can be really cruel to trans people.

Thanks you two, I really appreciate the support.

Quote from: Berserk on October 15, 2011, 04:41:02 PM
Anyone who consistently acts like you being friendly toward them is you hitting on them or who doesn't listen to you when you tell them you don't want to be around them, I think is worth watching out for. Seems like the guy you described above and others similar might see you as more vulnerable and so easier to assault/harass without consequences because you're trans. Just be careful, dude. All of us should be more careful.

Not all cisguys are like that, though. You just need to be careful who you decide to befriend, either cisguy or cisgirl. Both can be really cruel to trans people.

Yeah, I've already deleted him off of my things. I feel a lot better knowing that I'm not going to reply the next time that he texts me. He kind of creeped me out the entire time, and I just generally felt all...oogey the entire time that he was there. I really hate feeling uber feminizined. I mean, I'm pretty girly, but there's a line xD

And I definitely hear that safety thing, I had a steel bat hidden under my bed while he was here. I'm a little paranoied, but I feel safer being so spazzed out.

Thanks again for your comments!

Quote from: Caseyy on October 15, 2011, 05:45:35 PM
Yeesh, what a total and complete douche. I'm sorry that happened to you. *hug*

D'awww, well thank you, dear!

Quote from: GentlemanRDP on October 15, 2011, 03:33:02 PM
lady-parts land

That guy sounds like a jerk but is it really necessary to describe your genitals that way?  You don't see how that could be problematic?  I'm assuming you don't identify as a lady, so why call them lady parts?

Quote from: Andy8715 on October 15, 2011, 08:41:57 PM
That guy sounds like a jerk but is it really necessary to describe your genitals that way?  You don't see how that could be problematic?  I'm assuming you don't identify as a lady, so why call them lady parts?

While I can see how that can be offensive, I was saying it more as a form of satire, not seriously. That and the other word that I prefer to use to describe my genitals is extremely offensive to other people. So I picked the lesser of two evils, though I suppose that next time, I could call it my 'junk,' if that would be more suitable?

Quote from: Caseyy on October 15, 2011, 08:06:18 PM
Not paranoid at all. I sometimes think of ways to get a gun, although I'm too cowardly to do anything illegal - not sure where you live, but I live in Canada and you have to jump through a ton of hoops. Handgun ownership is illegal...to get a hunting gun you have to prove you need it, take a course, get personal references from people. Part of me is glad they make it more difficult for sick f*s to access these kinds of weapons, but as a trans person, I really want to have a better way to defend myself. =/

Ahhhh, I've thought about getting a gun a few times. However, I would be too scared to shoot anyone, because even if it was under self defense, it would still be a felony here, and seeing as I'm trying to get into law enforcement, that wouldn't work very well. However, self defense with a non-lethal weapon doesn't seem to have as many reprecussions.
And I totally agree on the idea of making it harder to get a gun, it's way too easy to get one here >.<;

Quote from: GentlemanRDP on October 15, 2011, 08:59:03 PM
While I can see how that can be offensive, I was saying it more as a form of satire, not seriously. That and the other word that I prefer to use to describe my genitals is extremely offensive to other people. So I picked the lesser of two evils, though I suppose that next time, I could call it my 'junk,' if that would be more suitable?

I definitely think junk, privates, equipment, etc would be more appropriate than placing a gendered description on genitals of a trans man (even if they are your own).

Duly noted, Andy, I'll go ahead and stick with that from now on.

Quote from: Caseyy on October 15, 2011, 05:45:35 PM
Yeesh, what a total and complete douche. I'm sorry that happened to you. *hug*

Agreed. I'm sorry man, I'm glad you're safe now.

It certainly doesn't deserve you as a friend that's for sure. Total scumbag pretty much sums it I think.
I refuse to refer to it as a man.  I'd make sure I let all my female friends who might know him, know what he is really like too. 

Karen.

ive had kinda the same thing happen to me but instead he said "you know ive alway seen you as a guy." so it wasnt to bad.

Guys can be asholes, specially the ones who thing the only part of there brain making them a guy is there small dick they claim to be big.
the macho guys who are so proud of there menpride without knowing anything about it, are kinda pathethic, been there done that.

I understand why you are angry, I think even for a girl that would have been rude.
--
dont make me wrong sure there a sweet guys as well, but sadly I will say theres many guys who are kinds scared of being
"girls" so all they can care about is how mandly there themself and put people down for anything.
they claim there real men and know what women wants.
these guys have never been women enuoght to understand what they want, and sure will never become men to understand what a man is,
there just trying to fit in.

Quote from: GentlemanRDP on October 15, 2011, 03:33:02 PM
"To me, you'll always be 'insert girl name here,' to me. You're just a hairy girl,'

See, I don't get why people say stuff like that and somehow expect a positive response of some kind.

"Oh my God, like, really?! I was afraid no one would love me because for some reason I have this compulsion that I can't help where I try to pretend to be a boy. But you love me in spite of that and still manage to see the girl deep within me that's dying to be acknowledged! *giggle* I just, oh my God, I love you so much! Date me! Hold doors open for me and touch my lady bits! *giggle*"

Quote
Maybe it's immature for me to get so mad over something so small. But it's not small to me.

It's justified to be angry. I wouldn't blame you. There's probably no sense in being angry at him personally since he probably doesn't realize what he's saying and doing (he's probably just immature and naive), but I wouldn't blame you for not wanting to be around him if his idea of flirting is acting like a flaming douchebag and insisting that you're something you're not because he likes you better the other way ("as a girl") and thinks that it's your job to accommodate him in this way.

Quote
As much as I feel like a man, and as much as I wish that I was just 'one of the guys,' I seem to have a serious problem in getting along with cisgendered guys. I want to hang out with them, and I hang out with a few. But no matter what I do, they seem to think that I'm hitting on them, and it doesn't matter if I tell them that I'm trans. And from that point, they treat me like just another girl and think that they can get away with touching me however the hell I want.

Sometimes, I hate cis-boys...and not just because they can spell their name in the snow and I can't.

I know that kind of irritation. I avoided it through social seclusion for a long time, but I don't necessarily recommend that method.

It starts to go away little by little as the T does more of its work.  It seems to me that the more you look like a guy to them, the more likely they are to treat you normally since they don't want to bone you anymore. I know it's shallow, but some straight cis-men are like that: If they think they could ever remotely want to do you, they won't treat you as one of them.

However, that's not all straight cis-men. There definitely exist biomales that will treat you like a guy no matter how you look--you just have to find some that are a bit more mature in that department.

Anyway, while we're on the subject, don't let this whole incident--or similar ones--have any bearing on whether you date guys or not. Obviously, this guy was trying to treat you like a girl, and also he's probably straight. Dating a man who is actually attracted to men and thinks of you as a man is a completely different story.

Quote from: Leek on October 16, 2011, 11:11:04 AM
Anyway, while we're on the subject, don't let this whole incident--or similar ones--have any bearing on whether you date guys or not. Obviously, this guy was trying to treat you like a girl, and also he's probably straight. Dating a man who is actually attracted to men and thinks of you as a man is a completely different story.

This.

Gay men won't try to turn you into a girl in their head. That'd be counterproductive.

I think it's very unfair to think of all men like this, when you already mentioned that it was a creep.
Guys really don't approve of a guy stalking someone all the time, hell, on facebook I see some guys complaining about some stalker from the past repeatedly texting them.
Besides, you were the one who invited him over, even if you already knew he was a creepy person. You should've just ignored him, blocked him before letting it get to this, instead of giving in to some random weird guy.
It's not that hard to avoid things like this. 

Why don't guys ever call me a hairy girl?  That would be such a compliment.

*sigh*

Life is so unfair.