During one of my recent trips to Wal-Mart with my S.O. we made our way through the women's section as normal. Sometimes she likes to look at all the clothes she can't possibly fit into and complain about the 'class' of girl that would wear a certain article of clothes. Sometimes she takes me down the area with the intimate items just to make me blush. During our last trip we had made our way down an isle of the bras and underwear that we hadn't gone down before (or I hadn't actually noticed what was in that isle) and I noticed a lot of body shaping products. I asked her if body image was that important that Wal-Mart would carry a full lineup of different products for girls to help shape their body.

Like I was some kind of idiot, she looked at me and said "well dear, you do spend an awful amount of time saying you wished you were a female and that if you went through with a transition you would have to spend a lot of money on surgeries to help your 'body image'."

Isn't it wonderful how the people you love the most can just slap you right in the face with a wakeup call?

I had spent all day Friday thinking about it. I actually spent time looking at myself in the mirror and noticed all of the things about me that just doesn't match the body image that's in my mind or even matches what I've seen of genetic females no matter what their body looks like.

One of my recent trips to the thrift store I had picked up my first pair of stretchy jeans (making this the third pair of jeans I've purchased that is women's). The only things I'm happy about them is they are low cut jeans and they are a little snug in the legs, other than that they fit well (relatively speaking), but these are the most 'feminine' jeans in my (all be it small) wardrobe. After putting them on for the first time I had noticed the way my belly sat. I have the classic belly that protrudes out just above my "waist line" and that's where these pants button up at. The other pants that I had worn that were women's pants, the waist of the ended up buttoning just below the belly button covering my unnatural waist and wouldn't connect with me again until the fabric meet down by my pelvic. Outside of the dress that I've worn once everything I've tried on completely hid the fact that my belly is 100% masculine.

I became obsessed with my belly and these pants. I tried the other pants that I had and it didn't look bad though they didn't look 'feminine'. I even put on my smallest men's pants I have and buttoned them just below my belly button and outside of leaving me looking like I didn't have any hips and they were real baggy where a man's package should be they didn't look bad. By this time the stretchy jeans were laughing at me, mocking me for not having the body to wear them.

Outside of the dress I have, I've never worn women's jeans around the house just to wear them. Most of the time when I'm at home I'm cleaning and stuff, I just throw on my "work" jeans (stained from top to bottom by now from all the things I've done in them) and maybe, if I'm feeling like it I'll wear a t-shirt that my S.O. has thrown out, but they're baggy on me (only when I'm alone though, my S.O. hasn't said I could wear women's clothing around her). I have a stretchy type shirt that my S.O. had picked up from the thrift store and decided she didn't want it, so I inherited this shirt as well. I got myself all setup with my breasts, tucked my junk nice and tight (relatively speaking), put the stretchy pants on and for the first time I pulled the stretchy shirt on.

Now, this is where I just had to chuckle. Looking at myself in the mirror in tight jeans and a tight shirt with no hips to speak of and a man's waist I looked like someone out of one of those 1990 "In Living Color" skits where the male actors would be dress up in women's clothes. That's when the smile oozed off my face. I looked horrible.

And that's when it hit me.

I began to understand why even big girls like to wear tight shirts, stretchy jeans and I could even understand why some girls would wear body shaping undergarments. I started to wonder if one of those control tops would help or if I would need something a little more dramatic like the things I seen at Wal-Mart. Then it dawned on me, my S.O. has a one piece swimsuit and from when I was a kid I remembered those things being fairly snug.

Little back story:

When I was young, about 6 or so I used to be a part of the YMCA swimming club/lessons/team (could have been lessons or team depending on how long you stayed in the program). One of the things I used to do, especially during free time swim was rummage around in the lost and found for one piece swimsuit that might fit and I would wear it under my swim shorts and a t-shirt. None of the life guards ever asked me about wearing a t-shirt in the pool so I never worried about it. I always felt better when I was able to wear a one piece swimsuit, except for having to go into the men's room to change into it. Life just felt easier back then I guess. I didn't ever worry about this kind of stuff when I was 6.

Back to the current story:

While still wearing one of my underwear to help keep the junk in place and while still wearing my breast form I put on the swimsuit (and wow does that help hold the junk in place like crazy), pulled the pants back on and got back into the stretchy shirt completely covering the swimsuit. Low and behold, outside of a little bit of muffin top I had that seamless belly to pelvic transition I was looking for, and it damn near made me cry. I spent about an hour around the house like that getting some lunch in me and then decided to take it all off. I had checked myself out in the mirror a few times throughout the hour and it didn't appear that the swimsuit was letting anything relax out anywhere even after sitting and standing a few times during lunch. I would bet with extended wear it would stretch out far enough eventually to be useless until it was washed again though, I knew they did from the times that I had worn swimsuits in the past.

When I got back into my men's pants and a baggy men's t-shirt again I looked at myself in the mirror I saw the same person I would always see in the mirror. After motivating into some house work I also noticed that the stretchy pants were so comfortable I hadn't even noticed them and my shirt seemed horribly baggier than normal. For the rest of the day I couldn't stand how some of my favorite clothes fit me.

I have spent a lot of time wishing my stomach wouldn't get so bloated sometimes, right below my rib cage. I've always felt that I could just keep off another 5 pounds this summer I'd be doing better. But I never imagined that something like this would make me hate the clothes I wear. Granted, I've lost 10 pounds in the last month or so, so my clothes are a little more baggy than normal, but still. Now after spending money on new bras I'm thinking about replacing all of my shirts with something a little better fitting. My pants aren't that bad; I still have some of my old pants from when I weighed 20 pounds less then what I do now so at least I have a target in mind.

I just wear low-rise jeans.  On me, the band of the jeans sits right where my tummy is and it gives me that smooth transition.  I think that's why everyone says I'm so thin - but it's totally the clothes!  It's amazing what they can do - I stick to tight jeans and tight shirts.  If I don't, I look all blocky and masculine since my curves aren't very defined.

LivinginGrey

I think body image IS very important. I don't really know what to tell you since you didn't put forward any question but IMO, if it bothers you, you should work it.

Do cardio, lose weight, get in a good shape.

I think body image is important, not for what others think of you, but how you feel about yourself. I've always had self conscious issues ever since I was a little child and abused my own body for many years. If your losing weight healthy then keep on going. Personally for clothes they make or break my day. That is of course depending on how I feel that day.  Also a change in look can make you feel incredible while other times it can make you feel really bad about yourself. As long as your working towards a goal, perhaps you should buy clothes and make it your goal to fit into them. When you achieve that you might feel better about yourself. As cliche as this sounds love thyself . As long as your working to the best you can theres no reason why anyone should put you down.  Like I mentioned my first sentence how you perceive your body is more important then what others have to think of your body. People come in different sizes and shapes.  As for the bloating perhaps it could be your eating habits. As for losing weight, don't feel the pressure to lose it all at once. As the famous idiom goes, " Slow and steady wins the race." Hope you can get to the point where your body image isn't on the thought of your mind most of the time.

I'm a material girl so image is everything! Lol
I'd never shop at walmart penneys kmart kohls sears etc lol

Image can matter and it depends on the person on whether or not they feel the image is important.

If the image is important to you, then you should view how other girls your age dress. Get a good all around example from your time looking.

Also, stores should not matter. Look for the clothing you better identify yourself with. I've seen some pretty classy girls who looks very nice without feeling the need to spend copious amounts on money.

Quote from: Ciao bella2 on October 17, 2011, 11:56:30 AM
I'm a material girl so image is everything! Lol
I'd never shop at walmart penneys kmart kohls sears etc lol

Thrift stores!!! Creative people do it themselves. I would never waste much money at a department store either, why? I can get broken in stuff for waaay cheaper, heck, even the damaged stuff can be repaired in most cases.

Back on topic:
Do you know how far you can push the envelope without real fear? I live and work as a woman and I have people still trying to relate to me as some kind of alt dude - doesn't work very well, but they're funny, they call me Emma and man in the same sentence. Out of control.

You do have to go with things that fit well, at least. "Color is a service to society." Love it. My one picture in the whatcha call it thread is not a good example of my newly evolving style identity. By the way, even that takes time and active participation. Bargain with your wife on some presentation issues, gotta make some progress.

If you were here in West Virginia with me, I think you'd be one of the skinnier ladies in town. Hell even a sizable percentage the late teens and 20 somethings are easily 20-30 lbs overweight from just looking at them.

As a former very fatty, body image has a LOT to do with how I feel about myself. What got me to grab my trans issues by the horns early last year was getting even more depressed thinking how I wouldn't be able to fit into any of my fem clothes after packing on 20-30 lbs. A lot has changed since that sad afternoon.

As others have said, you really have to dress for your body type every bit as much as your color choices should compliment your natural skin tones. Sure we all love seeing anorexic teens and models in their skinny jeans and skin tight tops. No way is that going to work on Ms Jabba the Hutt here, even at lower weight. I know I laughed a few times muttering "just what were you thinking"! There is plenty of help out there for Plus Sized gals these days on the net. Or you can spend your next vacation in WV people watching 

Shapewear works wonders. I've used waist cinchers under a longish panty girdle in the past to control my tummy. Corsets work miracles. Not the Frederick's of Hollywood play ones that are only for show, real HD industrial strength corsets.

I think, if I spent a full day shopping to replace my wardrobe and was able to do it in the women's section with out ridicule I'm sure I could come up with a lot of great pants and shirts that would help me look as good as I think I should look... oh and shoes... and a purse... and a money tree to pay for it all.

That and some lypo for good measure.

But the clothes is a big one. Right now all I have access to (mostly because a pair of pants costs me $1.50 and if they don't fit right I'm only out the cost of a cheap cup of coffee) is thrift stores. For some reason though the amount of women donating pants in my size (size 14 seems to be the cut off for 'lots of pants' in stock) seems to be minimal, which is actually how it is with my men's pants also.

I'm "slowly" working on losing weight. Just today I hit the 'more then ten pounds' mark, so I'm feeling good about the weight loss. I just wish I could really kick it into gear and lose more weight faster. In a different post I had talked about some of the things I would have to do in order to have a successful transition and someone had mentioned getting my teeth fixed now instead of waiting to have it done if I transition. Along with getting my teeth done I've actually thought about getting electrolysis out of the way in the near future. Heck even if I don't transition I'll never have to shave again, with the cost of razors I still have long enough to live to make the money back for getting my hair removed.

I dunno. I guess I'm just musing around about it. All of these things cost money and that's something I just don't have right now.

Quote from: LivingInGrey on October 18, 2011, 07:19:54 PMI've actually thought about getting electrolysis out of the way in the near future. Heck even if I don't transition I'll never have to shave again, with the cost of razors I still have long enough to live to make the money back for getting my hair removed.

That's my reasoning as well. Some people have told me I should wait with that until I'm a little further along (after a few therapy sessions) to see if I really want to go through with transitioning (not that I have any doubts, but whatever) ... but even in the unlikely event that I don't transition, I'm simply done presenting male and will never grow a beard again. Only reason I had one in the past is so that I would look more masculine to try and fit in (overcompensating etc).

I think I over compensate every day to help hide my displeasure in who I am. Though not to an extent where I'm completely unable express anything other then 100% masculinity I fear the opinion people have of the personality I've created for myself will make them blind to what ever appearance I may choose to show on the outside.

I think this is more or less the root of what I need to work on now, outside of electrolisys or getting my teeth fixed, I can do that at the same time. I need to start slowly showing a different personality to the people around me.