It would seem that lately many people have brought to light that transition is "selfish".
?!?!?!??? And I thought that I heard it all.
While I do not disagree that it is a selfish thing to do,
It may be true in cases of TS that are somewhat mild and accordingly the condition could be reasonably accommodated with minimal alteration to self and life without inducing major disruptions or actual severances of relationships, I have to believe that such a scenario represents the minority of us.
I would think it would be more selfish than suicide. In transition you rely on others much more, disrupting their lives permanently on a daily basis while they have to look and deal with you,
Again, the underlying premise posited is that transition is categorically self-centered and selfish, notwithstanding variances of affliction. I do not at all concur with this, as was stated. Additionally, people must make accommodations in other cases of neuro-developmental anomaly and 'misconfiguration'; why should those of us who were forced to deal with TS be the exception, here?
Love accommodates.
where as with suicide, they may be upset for a bit but would go on business as usual after a month or so, possibly thinking you were just a sad and crazy mixed up individual and probably better off.
I beg to differ, hon. None of us knows the extent how the extent and degree of how our lives touch and affect those of others, how people feel about us on a personal level--nor can we possibly know how our absence or death, especially by suicide, will affect others close to us and for how long.
The suicide of a loved one has the power to destroy the lives of others, make no mistake about this. It even has served as the initiator for the suicides of those others referred to.
This is not so simple and capsulized and suicide can and has destroyed the lives of others whom were close.
It is easy and convenient to downplay and discount the potential effect that one's suicide would have on others, but it doesn't represent reality.
They may think that for their own selfish reasons, happy that you didnt drag them through the transition process and spared them the embarassment as well as yourself.
Conversely, they may not. And it is possible that while they indeed imagined 'being embarrassed' by the transition of a loved one, it pales in comparison to the emotional impact that they would suffer, if that loved one destroyed themselves.
I've heard arguments on both sides that make sense and I have written things down in a list and it seems that suicide wins hands down everytime as far as being less selfish. Now I agree they are both very selfish acts but dying seems to be the least selfish. I would like to ask the members here to provide reasons why transition is less selfish than dying.
Honey, again, I could not disagree more with your premise and 'comparative analysis.' Be it observed that if one wants something badly enough, they will ardently cull reasons and rationalizations by which to support their argument, no matter how flawed, faulty and grossly biased and constricted their initial foundational premise is.
That's a dangerous thing to do.
Who is being more selfish? Society (family and friends) by stopping you from doing what you need to be happy, or you by ignoring those you have obligations to and transitioning?
Using myself as an example here: mine own is of such degree where it is 'transition or die' for me.
Two in my family have accepted me, because they love me notwithstanding. One brother [so far] thinks that I am a pervert [without overtly vocalizing this] and told me one time, "What are you going to do during family get-togethers? How am I going to explain this to my children?"
So far, none of the Christians who I know personally [including my soon to be ex-spouse, but there are other emotional force vectors at work in this situation] or have interfaced with relative to my TS, consider me to nothing more than a pervert and egregiously flawed spiritually or morally.
Yet, they adduce nothing substantive to justify their opinions.
These people love me to whatever degree, but is it incumbent upon me to base major life decisions upon the unsubstantiated opinions of these others?
Are these living my life and having to negotiate and resolve a condition which I did not ask for and positively identified only recently?
During a very serious TS related emotional crisis not long ago, my spouse was preparing to go to worship on one Sunday morning (we attend different congregations) and walked back into the bedroom where I was sitting at my desktop system, staring at the monitor.
She sat on the bed and I could see in her lovely face, the tears forming and she aksed me if I was going to be OK.
That struck me as odd, as I never vocalized intention or ideation. But I had decided that after she left, I would go to an obscure place with my gun, one hollow point round chambered, with intent.
I just looked at her, surprised, and could feel myself beginning to cry in my agony.
She began to cry and said to the effect,
"I don't want to come home and find you with your head blown off, lying upon the floor!"
Well, at that point I just lost it and there we both were, crying together.
What do you suppose that my suiciding would do to her?
But she then said something else to me that 'hit home':
"I would rather that you lived on as Rhonda, than to kill yourself and leave me [in this world] without you."
That sentence spoke volumes, to say the least.
One cannot know how many lives that she touches and affects, nor of the potentially disastrous affect that her suicide would have upon those others.
Is doing what you need to do to preserve your very life, that which constitutes rank selfishness?
And this is what transition means for many or even most of us. I don't know; I'm not omniscient.
This is not so simple an 'equation' to solve and one really has no idea as to the degree and extent of the ramifications that one's suicide will have upon others.
Since when are we bound to accommodate the unsubstantiated and quite often willfully ignorant opinions and 'sensibilities' of others, even that of love ones and family?
And WHY?.
Why do our lives rate less than theirs?
Do we not have a right to be who we really are?
Rhonda
