I don't talk about it unless I am going to bed with someone or if they ask. As anyone who has me added on fb knows, I talk about everything else but trans related stuff. Doesn't mean people don't know... I just feel there is other stuff to focus on than my identity.

I used to talk about it all the time when no one even asked and I just decided to stop and not care.

I'm pretty okay with talking about most things if it relates to me being trans. Yes, I have boundaries, at least I think I do, I just haven't found any yet. I like being able to answer questions about a life-style that is often misunderstood and hated. I think that educating the masses about us and who we are is the first step is acceptance, it's when we hide it and act like it's shameful and dirty that rumors start flying around.

One of the reasons stealth threads generate so many responses is because there is no right answer to this question.  The answer is basically how you want to live your life.  And to be honest, the issue never really comes up with me unless I put it out there.  Most people that say you should talk about being trans, coincidentally like talking about it.  Of course I'm going to tell someone who I want to be in a relationship with.  And of course I'm going to tell my sexual partners (well, never say never, maybe not).  But, I have no desire to educate the masses on all things trans, nor am I an authority.

Quote from: Princess of Hearts on October 11, 2011, 06:31:42 PM
Stealth is sadly impossible these days unless you don't plan on working or having anything to do with education, the government, insurance, travel, medicine and finance.   We are all so well documented these days that sooner rather than later someone is going to find out about your past.

I'm not as resigned as you about giving up my privacy.  I think a lot of people will think there is some mistake if they find you are associated with 2 different names and genders.  If someone really wants to go through the trouble of digging up my past, then let them.  But I'm not going to hand it over to them unless they give me a good reason to.

I think it's really important to be open to some people in your life.  Different people, depending on who you are.  On the other hand, I also think it's very important that you are opaque to most of the people in your life.  Just another ordinary person, about whom, it's none of their business your past, your sexuality, or your personal business.

Yes to all. It is all about educating

Quote from: Jen61 on October 18, 2011, 08:44:58 PM
Yes to all. It is all about educating

Not really. Some people don't care and it is a sensitive subject to many. Don't answer questions no one asked.

But you can educate people... I just don't want to answer any questions.

I've started talking about it more because I'm really fed up with trying to pass. I just need to go about my day, and saying I'm trans ends the conversation a lot faster, and usually erases the awkwardness in the person who can't figure my gender and apparently feels the need to. If they ask questions, fine. They usually don't.

Quote from: Mahsa the disco shark on October 08, 2011, 10:33:24 PM
What is your philosphy...should you talk about who you are? Should you answer questions if people ask? If so, who would you talk to about it? Strangers? Coworkers? etc

Discuss.

I depends on how I feel about why they are asking. If its honest questions and they are trying to understand, yes I'll talk about it.
I feel my answers might put a better light on it than some of the press stories they hear. If I feel I'm just being trapped and the conversation won't end any better than it began Its not worth starting it.
Its not something I start a conversation about.
I've had to get used to it though, anonymity doesn't go over well in my workplace.

I believe that you should only talk about it if that is what you want.

I don't really like should-s.

Me on the other hand, I'm open 'bout it.
I don't introduce myself as Hans Trans, but if the topic, or a related topic, comes up, I speak openly and honestly and I answer every question I get, even if the answer it "That's too personal, I'm not comfortable talking about it."
And somehow I've accidentally ended up passing so well in my current physical therapy group that people don't question my male-ness to the point where I've actually been asked (since I've mentioned my husband and daughter) whether I used to date girls then....

Kinda awkward since I expected half to be recognized from my TV interview...

If someone is comfortable enough to ask then i'm comfortable enough to answer.

When I first came out some people seemed to go out of their way to ask embarassing questions, each person ended up more embarassed than me.

One or two people at work are perfectly comfortable with my situation & frequently ask questions, i've now advised people that if they have a question they should consider 2 facts, can they handle an honest answer & would others around them want to hear the answer.
Everyone who's been told about my rules has abided by them & any questions that may be embarassing are left until no-one else is around.

I'll pretty much, and with complete truth and candor, answer any question anybody asks me.  I know it's the least ambitious course to take.  It's the lazy and easy path.  I never have to worry about what I've told to who.  But I simply don't care enough about others to worry about how they might judge it, and I do care enough about myself to care a whole lot that people who like me, like me for being me.  It's also extremely liberating.  But that's just a bonus.

I know I should, but i avoid it 99% of the time.

Quote from: Mahsa the disco shark on October 08, 2011, 10:33:24 PM
What is your philosphy...should you talk about who you are? Should you answer questions if people ask? If so, who would you talk to about it? Strangers? Coworkers? etc

Discuss.

should you talk about who you are?

Yes... of course. Thats why its important to know who you are. Its integral to being alive, like breathing. If you are some kind of trans person, speak trans. Speak whoever you are. Be happy, stand straight, look people in the eye, smile.

I believe we are always evolving, always changing, always discovering, always growing. I live for today and who I am today is not who I was yesterday. Be present and declare this is me ...whoever that might be. The stars will align with your beliefs.

Quote from: Mahsa the disco shark on October 08, 2011, 10:33:24 PM
What is your philosphy...should you talk about who you are? Should you answer questions if people ask? If so, who would you talk to about it? Strangers? Coworkers? etc

Discuss.

I don't mind talking about being trans, and I enjoy answering questions. I'm not open and out to everyone... but I don't mind letting someone know if I feel like it.

How, when and if you should talk about being trans depends on your personality, how much responsibility you want to take, how comfortable you are  answering questions as well as your environment, the person asking and your safety. Regardless of how much you want to save the world you have to take care of yourself first. I'm beginning with this because its something I struggle with. Transitioning has consumed a large part of my identity and while I love the man I'm becoming the strain of constantly explaining and defending my identity can be overwhelming.

Personally I like to talk about it. I know I'm not the first guy to transition on my campus, but I'm the one that is making changes because I'm so vocal. I'm the guy that has taken surveys back to the professor that created them and said "this lacks content validity, you only listed two genders"...and he fixed the survey! If I see people straying toward a binary view of gender I'll throw curveballs out to try and get them to think. Because I am visible, people come to me with questions. I encourage this because I hope that if they get their answers then maybe they won't be tempted to ask them to someone who will be bothered or hurt by them.

At the same time I appreciate peoples desire for privacy, and many of the questions I answer fall in the category of no one's business. For those I'll usually answer, I'm comfortable with the path I am taking, but I will explain why the question could be harmful. I would love to reach a point where gender, sex and those who fall outside of the traditional categories are taught without bias along with generic sex ed so those of us who research it for our knowledge can put aside the sense of obligation to train a cisnormative society. I realize that is a long way away, but a guy can dream.

From my perspective if answering questions now gets us to that point, I'll answer anything you can think of.

I'm completely out in all aspects of my life. I do classroom speaking and LGBTQ ally training panels, I keep a blog (hopefully a vlog soon!), I regularly post on FB, and I've made it clear to my coworkers that they are free to approach me about it or ask questions. I'm not embarrassed talking about it and I don't want them to feel embarrassed asking.

Quite often, I've bumped into an old acquaintance or someone I went to HS with and they'll tell me that someone they know transitioned as well. So far there's been 3 or 4 they consider(ed) close friends, an aunt (formerly uncle), a wife (formerly husband), and two of my coworkers used to work for an SRS surgeon.

Being open has drawn people too me, and more often than not I gain respect for my gender identity that I didn't have until I told the person, "It's ok. I'm open about it." Often there's a noticeable hesitation or discomfort around me. I'm barely passing; most people read me as male on sight. But because I have a very well passing voice, once I start speaking it pushes them to thinking, "Ohhh, stone butch. I get it now." Several times I've had to correct people that no, I'm not a butch lesbian, I'm trans.

I'm a teacher at heart. So I don't mind questions, or even the same questions. My goal in all this is to normalize this as best I can, so that no one else has to go through life thinking trans* is all about the surgery and nothing else, and that life has to be horrible if going out in public like that is even on your radar. And you know the image that comes to mind there. It wasn't until this year that I learned how utterly wrong that image is, and am I ever glad I did.

I would probably sooner want to talk about backne or toe fungus with the general public than about being trans.

And I especially don't want to talk about it because I don't want to put words in the mouth of other trans people that frankly have nothing to do with me or how I think or feel. I don't really want them to speak for me either but whatever.

There's a theme with coffee and teacups on this site. I think they're in like five avatars of people who post regularly.

I understand not wanting to talk about it, but our invisibility is why when trans stuff is mentioned, it's usually in some horrific or slanderous way. And why discrimination against us raises few eyebrows.

However, I second Miniar's statement. The right thing for me to do is not going to necessarily be the right thing for any other given person to do.

Quote from: Felix on October 27, 2011, 11:28:38 PM
There's a theme with coffee and teacups on this site. I think they're in like five avatars of people who post regularly.

The teacup is just a bunny accessory 

The bunny is awesome.