Seems like the better i pass and more confidence i get the more people i want to tell. I know this is couter productive but i have this kinda high after being bottled up for 38years....Anyone else had this happen before.

I cannot comment to the desire to want to tell people, however, I understand the emotion in which you are speaking of.  Though I am not concerned with passing as of right now, as I know I do not, I can imagine the joy it brings.  Much to relate, I feel similar with the mere fact of having come out to family and friends; it's a self-happiness I'd never felt and words cannot express it, though shouting whatever comes to mind from a roof top to the world seems appropriate.  All in all, I am happy for you!

Quote from: mandyh92 on October 26, 2011, 05:18:31 PM
Seems like the better i pass and more confidence i get the more people i want to tell.

And the more one feels comfortable passing the more naturally accepted one becomes as well until suddenly,  you hit a point, where presenting as a defacto female is not even all that important anymore.

Almost invariably, as soon as someone acks me as "ma'am, one of my kid's come rushing up calling "hey dad"! Enjoy the moment, never apologize,  and if FEAR does strike can always say "your bad not mine"!

Well, that's what I have to assume and do anyway!

(sister just called: gonna be another girl pirate this year who's "stolen the femme identity and made it all mine" for sure)

I don't pass but it does feel great to be open and everyone knowing. I'm free to dress how I want and I can say I have never been happier in my life. I would not go back for anything.

It is a compulsion generated by our desiered to be trouthful, and in no minor way to seek acceptance. It is cathartic.

Jen 61

i think the 2 go hand in hand..........if you're confident, others see that and it relates to passing easier but on the other hand, the ability to pass can increase confidence....does that make sense?

Quote from: Jen61 on October 26, 2011, 09:08:02 PM
It is a compulsion generated by our desiered to be trouthful, and in no minor way to seek acceptance. It is cathartic.

Jen 61

I agree to an extent. On one hand it's great to be able to "blend in" in the general public, but on the other, in more personal contact, I always feel like I'm misleading people if I'm starting to get close to them and don't say anything about it (regardless if it's a teacher, friend, romantic interest, etc.)

Quote from: Butterflyhugs on October 26, 2011, 09:32:08 PM
I agree to an extent. On one hand it's great to be able to "blend in" in the general public, but on the other, in more personal contact, I always feel like I'm misleading people if I'm starting to get close to them and don't say anything about it (regardless if it's a teacher, friend, romantic interest, etc.)

This is exactly what started me down the path to detransition.  Feeling disingenuous, like I was always deceiving and hiding.  I realize not everyone has an issue with it, but for me it was overwhelming.

Quote from: brIAnna (interalia) on October 26, 2011, 10:29:47 PM
This is exactly what started me down the path to detransition.  Feeling disingenuous, like I was always deceiving and hiding.  I realize not everyone has an issue with it, but for me it was overwhelming.

It's not like you need to wear a sign; it's just something that is up to you to disclose at your personal discretion. You're only "deceiving" if you're actually intending to do so. Now note the difference between deceiving others and expressing the real you, and the issue might seem less severe. 

Quote from: Butterflyhugs on October 26, 2011, 11:11:50 PM
It's not like you need to wear a sign; it's just something that is up to you to disclose at your personal discretion. You're only "deceiving" if you're actually intending to do so. Now note the difference between deceiving others and expressing the real you, and the issue might seem less severe.

The problem was maintaining the illusion of stealth because once you let out your past to someone it is pretty much out of your control.  Maintaining stealth meant not revealing my past to those who I cared about and making up a past that never happened.  Eventually I did start to tell those to whom I was closest.

I used 'deceiving' but 'misleading' works just as well.

Quote from: brIAnna (interalia) on October 26, 2011, 10:29:47 PM
This is exactly what started me down the path to detransition.  Feeling disingenuous, like I was always deceiving and hiding.  I realize not everyone has an issue with it, but for me it was overwhelming.

I am able to do(deceive) this because I've built my entire reputation pre transition on deception, manipulation, and even some embezzling. But no trap is fool proof.

Part of me wishes I could have been stealth but my previous life has made my transition open. I still want to pass even if people know because it is something I want for myself.