So a few months ago, I met this guy at my job. He asked me for my phone # and I gladly gave it to him. I've been meeting several men on the side... see my other post about stagnation.

So I was checking my facebook tonight and guess what? He deleted me. Now I mention I am trans in my fb notes. But no where else....why? I feel the men can decide how much they want to "investigate" me. rather than being upfront, all the info is there...they just have to know where to look. He had some gorgeous girls on his fb.....every guy who seems to want to add me has a bunch of beautiful babes on his fb list.

Him and I had texted a lot and he asked me out a few times. I had to decline due to my schedule with my boyfriend. We had met face to face several times and I had sent him plenty of photos.He knows where I work and we had met.

So he deleted me today. Meaning I am back to square one when it comes to finding someone else. I feel so horrible right now... I hate that I add so many straight guys(who add me) and they eventually do this to me. I mean I've talked to several men who were completely oblivious to it for months at a time. Men who had seen me face to face everyday and wanted me to add them on fb. I had almost became wary of adding straight men when they request me, because the rejection hurts so bad. I would think after they've gotten to know me and do this to me...It hurts.

It is stuff like this that puts me one step closer backwards to the gay community. At least there, I have access to plenty of bisexual cismen. I have access to men who would love me, who are my own age, etc

Gay, straight, what do labels matter? If a guy isn't interested in us because we are trans, that is their problem.... like you said, there are plenty of bi guys who would love us.

Personally, I assume that straight guys aren't interested in me. I have some male qualities that I understand isn't attractive to them (or even just the fact that I was born male freaks them out, that is fine). So, I wouldn't flirt with someone who was "straight" without telling them upfront that I am trans. Trying to connect with "straight guys" and keeping things secret in hopes that they will fall in love with us is just setting ourselves up for pain and being hurt over and over.

So, really, all you can do is shrug it off and forget about him. So you aren't his type, no biggy ~shrug~. It could be because the trans thing or because your hair color or whatever other endless list of "types" that people have...

In the end, the only thing we can really do is be ourselves and find someone who is interested in us.

I am sorry, honey.

{{{ hug }}}

QuoteIn the end, the only thing we can really do is be ourselves and find someone who is interested in us.

He is telling you he is not your man. It could be for any number of reasons, but that is the end result.  When that happens to me, I remind myself that he is not my guy. You are a beautiful girl and the right one will come along. One that will tell you in many ways that he is your man. Be ready for him. Cheers.

I agree with the responses already given but I would like to add one thing:

"He had some gorgeous girls on his fb.....every guy who seems to want to add me has a bunch of beautiful babes on his fb list."

Based on this comment I would say that you are competing in the top tier of ladies, which is stiff competition. I would take that as a compliment. Yes not everyone can handle the "trans" issue, but there is someone out there for everyone. Once you stop looking so hard you may be surprised to find what you are looking for waltzes right in and sits next you .

Men are pigs. I knew a guy, and he knew I was trans. He asked for my phone number, we talked. He added me on Facebook. He had like a billion beautiful women on his facebook, he was an ex football player. We talked for two more weeks, met and had coffee. He deleted me. No reason, nothing.

Why do you assume it has to do with being trans, and not just not being available due to having to conform to your BFs schedule?  I mean if you try a couple times and 'it's never a good time right now' then they will lose interest and drift away.

Quote from: tekla on October 27, 2011, 12:54:31 PM
Why do you assume it has to do with being trans, and not just not being available due to having to conform to your BFs schedule?  I mean if you try a couple times and 'it's never a good time right now' then they will lose interest and drift away.

Well he knew I had a b/f and I didn't really contact him the past few weeks for communication/dates. He had been getting back with his girlfriend and I was the "second string". Either they went further or he didn't like my obnoxious persona.

I act exactly on fb, how I act here.

Quote from: Rabbit on October 27, 2011, 03:57:38 AM

Personally, I assume that straight guys aren't interested in me. I have some male qualities that I understand isn't attractive to them (or even just the fact that I was born male freaks them out, that is fine). So, I wouldn't flirt with someone who was "straight" without telling them upfront that I am trans. Trying to connect with "straight guys" and keeping things secret in hopes that they will fall in love with us is just setting ourselves up for pain and being hurt over and over.

Yeah, but I attract men who like models and playboy types... . i mean I got called to rehearse for AsiaSF. But yeah, you never tell the guy upfront...you get him to know you first. Guys get freaked out if you tell them right away. These guys are attracted to me... I don't talk about my past unless i am going to bed with them.

But then men want to date me and I don't believe in doing any of the work. Like calling them back or attempting to make communication. Thats what straight girls do right?

Quote from: Mahsa the disco shark on October 27, 2011, 01:30:25 PM
But then men want to date me and I don't believe in doing any of the work. Like calling them back or attempting to make communication. Thats what straight girls do right?

Hehe are you being serious? ...

Well men[plural!] want to date her.
I wouldn't try to connect at all with any of them.
too much work.


I'd pick the one that caught my attention the most.

As you are not surgery tracked I would sugest that you forget about straight men and gay men.

There are plenty of bisexual men out there.
As you are not surgicaly tracked the chances of a straight man being amniable to the idea of a LTR with you is slim. Also with gay males...very few are into girls thats why they are gay. You look like a girl. So the average gay male will not be a good canidate for you.
Unfortunatly many bisexual men are just going to fetishize you. There are good guys out there. They are like diamonds though. You are going to have to process allot of ore to find a gem.

I hope that you do find the perfect guy who can love you completely.

Quote from: cynthialee on October 27, 2011, 02:18:39 PM
As you are not surgery tracked I would sugest that you forget about straight men and gay men.

There are plenty of bisexual men out there.
As you are not surgicaly tracked the chances of a straight man being amniable to the idea of a LTR with you is slim. Also with gay males...very few are into girls thats why they are gay. You look like a girl. So the average gay male will not be a good canidate for you.
Unfortunatly many bisexual men are just going to fetishize you. There are good guys out there. They are like diamonds though. You are going to have to process allot of ore to find a gem.

I hope that you do find the perfect guy who can love you completely.

Well yeah, I mean like I said I think the "straight" guys who persue mtfs are predisposed to it. Meaning they see them on the same level as women, are into ->-bleeped-<- porn, or whatever... The average straight man thinks, "wow, she looks good" on a superficial level. If he looks closer or gets to know me better...things aren't what they seem.

Open minded straight guys are rare. But I only know what someone tells me, I don't know what they are thinking. My boyfriend says he was straight, but he will text me about how he loves playing with my penis and stuff. So between his homophobia and love of my penis. I can only conclude he is secretly a GAY man. Which is one reason I've been looking for an exit.

Quote from: Rabbit on October 27, 2011, 01:49:33 PM
Hehe are you being serious? ...

Am I suppose to call them back and show interest in them? I got stuff to do! They make time for me!

Quote from: Rabbit on October 27, 2011, 03:57:38 AM
Gay, straight, what do labels matter? If a guy isn't interested in us because we are trans, that is their problem.... like you said, there are plenty of bi guys who would love us.

No offence but I can't stand that glib attitude "oh the problem is with him not you." when a situation is repeated over and over you have to observe the constant variables causing this failure in my case it's me and my transsexuality. Not the men.

Blame where it's due and it's ultimately my fault my garbled body and ->-bleeped-<-ed up past make relationships impossible and doom me to isolation... I face similar situations that Masha has.

Quote from: pebbles on October 27, 2011, 03:24:41 PM
No offence but I can't stand that glib attitude "oh the problem is with him not you." when a situation is repeated over and over you have to observe the constant variables causing this failure in my case it's me and my transsexuality. Not the men.

Blame where it's due and it's ultimately my fault my garbled body and ->-bleeped-<-ed up past make relationships impossible and doom me to isolation... I face similar situations that Masha has.

I also have no issue hooking up with a gay man who loves femmes. Truth is the reality of it is that they don't hook up with pre ops. There are plenty of open minded men out there though.