This is my first entry.  I am just beginning my transition.  I have suppressed my desires to live as a woman all my life.  I have to break the news to my wife.  Does anyone have ideas of how to do this delicately?



Yy

Welcome to Susans.  You certainly have a challenge in front of you.  The one thing I would like to suggest is finding a therapist near you that she could meet with.   Be as honest with her as possible and don't do anything without talking it over with her first.   Best wishes to you both!!

there is no easy way to break the news, you might wanna put some feelers out there to see maybe where she stands on the subject.
when I told my ex, she politely informed me that she already knew before I told her

if you really desire or need to live as a woman, there isn't really an easy way to break it to people.
You can work with people , you can bring them into your counseling, etc. but if you have to do it you have to do it and will regret every delay others force on you.
Don't play the baby step acceptance game, start counceling with your own therapist if you need it, add a second marriage councelor if needed but don't give up your 1 on 1.

Quote from: MelanieA on October 27, 2011, 05:17:32 PM
This is my first entry.  I am just beginning my transition.  I have suppressed my desires to live as a woman all my life.  I have to break the news to my wife.  Does anyone have ideas of how to do this delicately?

Yy

Hi Melanie. Welcome to the site.

There is a section here called Coming Out Of The Closet. There are many good threads there on this topic.

Alot of it is going to depend on your relationship, the ability the two of you have in talking with each other, as well as the love you share. When you speak from your heart and she listens with her heart things are possible. The two of you can work it out together. You are trusting her with your deepest secrets. If she can see that, you have a good place to start.

I am also just starting to come out in public.....I live alone with 1 or two friends that seem accepting, but admitedly I haven't got to the point of telling them everything. I have been increasing my exposure as a woman by being more femme. I always wear nylons, panties, with femme pants and always wear alittle makeup(mascara, eyeliner, eyebrow pencil). Five weeks ago, I had my ears pierced at a Walmart....Had one woman who was curious as to what I was doing(I even purposely choose the most cutest femme studs to be put in.....not much reaction around me, and Just the other day I made up my mind to get my hair done femme style at a hair salon/barber shop. I was very nervous, but told the girl who worked on me what I wanted. She was very helpful and while she was working on me several men walked in to get their haircut, looked at me and acted like nothing new was happening. After she finished, I was very pleased with her work, and her help. I felt like I was walking 3 feet off the ground all the way to the car. I even went to a small health food store we have here after that and had a nice long talk with the woman at the counter. After I told her that I was a Transsexual I expected some sort of rejection, but quite the opposite happened, she not only told me how I looked, but was very helpful in getting a few things I needed.....that was some day! It has given me more strength to come out even more.....but now is where I need your help...Am I missing or overlooking something I need to pay attention to? My family(mother & father both died) which consists of a brother & a sister, haven't got together or spoken to each other for several years....so I feel that isn't a factor.......what do you think?

It is best to come out slow to them and as gentle as you can, do you have any updates?

Thanks for the input....no, hon I don't have any updates as yet....I am getting up the nerve to say alittle to my nearest friend who lives just across the street from me......

There is no easy way to bring this up to a wife, even one that knew about your dressing and seen you dressed.

My wife assessed me as being mostly a TV even though I had also told her how twice I flirted with transition. I felt back then, 30 years ago, I just couldn't go through with it. A couple of months ago I had to tell her it has become a lot more these past couple of years with me working way out of state only to see her once every 3 months on average. I had to tell her how having the time to be me, going to the TG meeting each month has gotten me to realize just how happy and alive I feel when I am presenting as a woman. Scary for me is how totally different and confident I feel compared to ages ago. She has seen lots of changes in me since I basically began to embrace what I am, rather then try to keep on beating it into submission. Going full-time is not in the cards no matter how much I may like to. For me I'd be loosing more then I'd gain. Part-time maybe. Of course my mileage may vary as the saga continues to unfold 

Opening up is a total game changer to her life, her hopes, her wishes and her dreams. We all mentally and emotionally categorize people or create an image of them in our minds, even SOs. I don't know how "out", if at all about this you are to your wife. If she has no idea you are any sort of a TG, this news will be a shock. A shock you best be prepared to handle.

If you can, find a therapist and perhaps even contact any local TG support groups. It is best you are sure what your feelings mean, and what all your options are. Humans tend to only see what they want to. This is where a therapist helps. Being married means you have a partner who is effected every bit as much by your decisions as you are.