...because it's so awkward when people meet you as a guy and then find out later you're still stuck in a girl's body. Gah!

Ok so here's the situation. I bind any time I so much as leave my apartment building (I would bind to do laundry too but then I'd have to wash my binders by hand, and I'm too lazy for that ). But whenever I'm just chillin' here I don't bother with it, because it's painful and difficult to breathe when binding (I bind too tightly, and I don't recommend it. But since I've already spent a ridiculous amount of money on binders that didn't end up fitting, I don't see the point in wasting more money on a binder that may or may not get my chest mostly flat while still allowing me to breathe/bend over/etc.). But I have two roommates, one of whom is a social butterfly and *always* has her friends and/or boyfriend over here. Probably half of them have seen me in "girl mode" and the other half have only seen me out and about in "guy mode". So when the friends who have seen me as a guy, suddenly see me when I'm not binding, I never know what to say or do about it. I have no idea if my roommate tells them I'm trans, or if she lets them figure it out.

But how would you react in that situation? I don't want to tell everyone I meet that I'm trans, because that's only one part of who I am and I'd rather get to know them before mentioning it. But it would also be awkward to say, oh, by the way, the reason why my chest isn't flat today is I'm a pre-op transguy. So far I've just been avoiding the whole thing, and scurrying to my room as quickly as I can without it being totally obvious. Yes, scurrying!  It's rather pathetic.

Advice? Similar stories? Anything?

lol, i'm not in collage yet, but what i do when my people that don't know that i cross-dress see me in cross i usually have to tell them because other wise god knows what kind of assuptions they might make. for your situation i suggest that, as you said, you should get to know people and then come out slowly expecting a various spectrum of reactions. however if someone sees u in "girl mode" you should probably come out and tell them because other wise it could cause for some serious drama and stress, and i don't know about you but that is the one thing i always try to avoid, drama 

lol, and forgot to metion this 
your not pathetic dude, lots of us have that problem at least once during our transitioning
so don't think your a wimp or nothing, cause your not
so cheer up 

I'm stealth to all people I don't know. If someone asks me if I'm Trans I just say no. I bind from the minute I get up to the minute I go to bed, whether I'm in my house or not.

Lol, that's funny    I'm not in that situation yet so I can't answer from personal experience.

I'm so educated with trans-issues now that if I saw you suddenly not binding,  I would definitely know you were trans.  but someone else who is ignorant of transgenders might be just all confused.

I think I would just carry on as though I was binding, and if I see them stare at me an extra second or look confused, I would say, "I'm a transguy."  and that should be enough, I would think.

Quote from: Z7Z on November 01, 2011, 08:59:44 PM
...because it's so awkward when people meet you as a guy and then find out later you're still stuck in a girl's body. Gah!

Ok so here's the situation. I bind any time I so much as leave my apartment building (I would bind to do laundry too but then I'd have to wash my binders by hand, and I'm too lazy for that ). But whenever I'm just chillin' here I don't bother with it, because it's painful and difficult to breathe when binding (I bind too tightly, and I don't recommend it. But since I've already spent a ridiculous amount of money on binders that didn't end up fitting, I don't see the point in wasting more money on a binder that may or may not get my chest mostly flat while still allowing me to breathe/bend over/etc.). But I have two roommates, one of whom is a social butterfly and *always* has her friends and/or boyfriend over here. Probably half of them have seen me in "girl mode" and the other half have only seen me out and about in "guy mode". So when the friends who have seen me as a guy, suddenly see me when I'm not binding, I never know what to say or do about it. I have no idea if my roommate tells them I'm trans, or if she lets them figure it out.

But how would you react in that situation? I don't want to tell everyone I meet that I'm trans, because that's only one part of who I am and I'd rather get to know them before mentioning it. But it would also be awkward to say, oh, by the way, the reason why my chest isn't flat today is I'm a pre-op transguy. So far I've just been avoiding the whole thing, and scurrying to my room as quickly as I can without it being totally obvious. Yes, scurrying!  It's rather pathetic.

Advice? Similar stories? Anything?

Firstly, I don't know about you but while I was assigned female at birth my body is that of a man.  I'm a man so my body is a man's body.  If by "girl mode" you  mean unbound then say that, unbound.  Being unbound does not a girl make.

Secondly, there are tons of guys out there, cis males who have a large chest.  Whether it's because they are over weight or because they have gynecomastia, which is basically a condition that causes men to grow breasts.  Are you on hormones?  Do you pass as male consistently?  If the answer to the second question is yes then you do not owe anyone an explanation.  Even if it's no then you do not owe anyone an explanation.  If they say "are you a girl?  I thought you were a guy but I'm not sure" say straight up, no I'm a man.  There is no need to go into some "explanation" about anything.  If they inquire why you have a chest and you are feeling generous then tell them you have a medical condition and that you'd rather not talk about it.  If not tell them to mind their own damn business or just ignore them and change the subject. 

Okay, so I just want to chip in with the perspective of someone who isn't allowed to be stealth. My rainman-like daughter will announce to most strangers that her mom is a man and her mom is a handsome man and her mom is transgender and transgender people deserve rights.

If I ask her to be on the down-low about it, she'll occasionally very loudly and awkwardly call me DAD, and she'll say it so often it sounds suspicious.

So it's not my breasts that are prohibiting stealth. I have small breasts. But I know what it's like to be passing with someone the first couple times you meet them, and then you show up and there are some anomalous details.

It's annoying for transness to suddenly take over the conversation when you aren't in the mood for it. It's annoying to know that some people will switch to "she" and maybe ask for your "real" name. It sucks to play educator with people who aren't close friends or family.

In my experience, word gets around fast. Even good-natured people tend to talk about it.

I don't do any scurrying, but I do live in an ancient world's fair hotel that was converted to apartments, and we have communal bathrooms. I come back from the shower wearing just a towel, which kinda makes me want to scurry. Hairy legs, tiny feet, boobs, no glasses so I can't tell who I'm passing in the hall, and I'm never sure how much it matters. Sometimes I want to explain to everybody, but who cares?

Quote from: Andy8715 on November 02, 2011, 12:33:06 AM
Firstly, I don't know about you but while I was assigned female at birth my body is that of a man.  I'm a man so my body is a man's body.  If by "girl mode" you  mean unbound then say that, unbound.  Being unbound does not a girl make.

Secondly, there are tons of guys out there, cis males who have a large chest.  Whether it's because they are over weight or because they have gynecomastia, which is basically a condition that causes men to grow breasts.  Are you on hormones?  Do you pass as male consistently?  If the answer to the second question is yes then you do not owe anyone an explanation.  Even if it's no then you do not owe anyone an explanation.  If they say "are you a girl?  I thought you were a guy but I'm not sure" say straight up, no I'm a man.  There is no need to go into some "explanation" about anything.  If they inquire why you have a chest and you are feeling generous then tell them you have a medical condition and that you'd rather not talk about it.  If not tell them to mind their own damn business or just ignore them and change the subject. 

Chill, Andy! Not trying to offend anyone. I'm pre-op so I consider my body to be in-between genders right now, regardless of my actual gender identity. I just said "girl mode" and "guy mode" to lighten the mood a little. I don't consider myself to be a girl. I've been on T for a while, and I pass consistently when I'm binding, but I can't pass when I'm not binding because I wasn't lucky enough to be small-chested. When I'm not binding, it's blatantly obvious that my chest is physically female.

I don't care if the whole world knows I'm trans, I'm just a bit tired of explaining it, and I don't want to be known as "the transguy" (just like I didn't want to be known as "the Australian" when I was a kid in school--I hate it when people only see one tiny part of who I am, and ignore the rest). I think I'll take JohnAlex's advice and just say "I'm a transguy" if they stare at me. If they're still confused, it'll be up to them to ask questions, and I can skip the awkward "well, I'm a guy who, for whatever reason, happened to be born with a female body, and I'm in the process of fixing that" explanation. Or even better, I can just say "I'm a transguy. If you don't know what that means, Google it"! 

Quote from: Felix on November 02, 2011, 01:02:57 AM
It's annoying for transness to suddenly take over the conversation when you aren't in the mood for it. It's annoying to know that some people will switch to "she" and maybe ask for your "real" name. It sucks to play educator with people who aren't close friends or family.

In my experience, word gets around fast. Even good-natured people tend to talk about it.

I don't do any scurrying, but I do live in an ancient world's fair hotel that was converted to apartments, and we have communal bathrooms. I come back from the shower wearing just a towel, which kinda makes me want to scurry. Hairy legs, tiny feet, boobs, no glasses so I can't tell who I'm passing in the hall, and I'm never sure how much it matters. Sometimes I want to explain to everybody, but who cares?

No kidding!

Well, maybe that will save me from having to bother with worrying about who knows and who doesn't. Maybe I should just assume everyone knows.

You're braver than me if you don't scurry at all. I would be sprinting! 

Quote from: Z7Z on November 02, 2011, 02:26:55 AM
Chill, Andy! Not trying to offend anyone. I'm pre-op so I consider my body to be in-between genders right now, regardless of my actual gender identity. I just said "girl mode" and "guy mode" to lighten the mood a little. I don't consider myself to be a girl. I've been on T for a while, and I pass consistently when I'm binding, but I can't pass when I'm not binding because I wasn't lucky enough to be small-chested. When I'm not binding, it's blatantly obvious that my chest is physically female.

Yeah that was a little overboard. Z7Z was speaking for himself not for all trans people. If he was trying to describe you then I can see why you would get upset but he wasn't.

When I was pre-op I was unproportionally huge hahah let's just say they were obvious. But I found that wearing a hoodie that's not a zip-up hid them very well. Other than that I would act like it's nothing. Most of the time if you are paranoid that other people are looking when they're not will show and then cause them to start looking.

To my way of thinking, no explanation is necessary.
Just because I may be self-conscious about something does not mean anybody else has noticed or wants to hear about it.
If they ask, well that's different.