I've come out to myself and decided I'm going to transition (MTF). It's something that I've known about myself since I was about 4. One of my earliest memories was watching some kids show and on this one episode, someone was using their mind to change things. I tried and tried for hours to change myself into a girl using my mind (hey, I was 4! and it didn't work.). When I was younger, I lived almost full-time for a few years. I was a goth in the late 80's/early 90's and it was a very accepting scene. That stopped when I was attacked by 5 skinheads and put in the hospital. The feelings have always been there but I suppressed them for a while. I'm planning on starting therapy in January to start my transition.

Coming out to my girlfriend is something that I have to do. We've been together for 13 years and I want to stay with her after transition, she is everything to me. I have a feeling that she may know. She has said things in the past, there was one time we were out shopping and I was looking at some jewelry in a window and out of nowhere she says "You want to be a woman, don't you?" I kinda laughed it off and got kinda nervous at the same time that she knew. She's commented about how effeminate I am and sometimes jokes that I'm the girl in the relationship because I'm the one who like shopping and more girly things. I've started dropping little hints here and there. Once again while out shopping, I was looking at a mannequin in a window and said that I liked the skirt. She said "I don't think I'm a leopard print skirt kind of girl" and then I said "I think I am a leopard print skirt kind of girl." and she said "You are definitely a leopard print skirt kind of girl, you have a much more risky style than I do". She's seen old pictures of me wearing makeup, skirts, dresses, ect. She said that I looked really good as a girl. She's very accepting of gay/lesbian/trans. We vacation several times a year in a gay resort town. Even still, I'm nervous as hell about coming out to her. But, I know it's something that I have to do. I think she's also noticed that I grown a bit of boobs, but didn't say anything. She was running her hand down my chest one day and went right over one of them and did a double-take and touched it again. I thought she was going to say something, and I was going to come out at that moment if she did. But she didn't and I got nervous again.

I also still have to come out to my mother. That isn't going to be an issue. It's never been said but I know that she knows. We used to share makeup and she's seen me in full female clothes many, many times.

Thanks for listening to my ramblings. I have a lot going on in my head right now.

From what you've said, it seems like your girlfriend will be supportive of you  You've got a great start with her already seeing photos of you in feminine clothing and such, I'm sure it won't be much of a surprise. Good luck with it, and be sure to let us know how it goes!

Quote from: Sam- on November 02, 2011, 11:27:05 PM
From what you've said, it seems like your girlfriend will be supportive of you  You've got a great start with her already seeing photos of you in feminine clothing and such, I'm sure it won't be much of a surprise. Good luck with it, and be sure to let us know how it goes!

I think she will be very supportive. She actually once said that she would support me through anything that I wanted to do. I don't know what she was referring to, we were out drinking. I still cant get over the nervousness of it.

One of the hardest parts is the process of coming out. The nerves really do you in; they're probably one of the worst parts to hurdle over, but as Sam said, it seems like you have a special kind of girl that's going to be supportive of you. She might accept it right away, but she also might need time to understand this is a part of who you are. There's nothing wrong with that.

And your mom sounds really cool too!

There's not really something you or anyone can do to get rid of the nerves until you get to that point where you're ready (and even then, it's usually after you've told someone) to tell her, but it might help you to feel more self assured (?) by writing it out; many people (myself included) have found it much easier to write a letter. A friend of mine made it into a relaxing night – take out dinner, a good movie, a massage, etc. before handing her mate a note she wrote. Sometimes it comes out at an unexpected time, you know, whenever they see their loved one next; others tend to thoroughly plan everything out.

Good luck, and just think, nerves are like wedgie - once you get unbunched, you're much more comfortable aftewards. (Horrible simile, I know.)

concentrate on your girlfriend, fully coming out to her.
Honestly tell her where the journey might end. Don't tell her it will always be just this but never HRT "I promise", or never full time, or definately no SRS.
You might not know yourself where it will lead, tell her you don't know.

Hopefully the two of you can tell your family together.

One thing that is certain about the reaction of others on coming out is you never know until after the fact.  I've seen people I or a friend was certain they would walk out of our life only to have them be totally cool and supportive.  And I've seen people we're sure will be there walk right out of our life and never speak to us again.  You never know.

From what you wrote, it seems she'll be cool.  But it's one thing to observe from a distance and quite another to be part of the whole thing.  I was married for 25 years.  She knew about the crossdressing before we got engaged.  We used to do Julie weekends together.  She seemed very supportive.  But once I mentioned going on HRT, things changed.  Eight months later we were divorced.  You never know.

Prepare for the worst, hope for the best.

Hi Michelle,

And a big hug and Welcome to Susan's

I'm just sooooo EXCITED for you and for what's happening next January for you. You are going to absolutely LOVE it. I'm really pleased you relationship is so positive, both with your Mum and girlfriend. That's makes such a big difference. You are simply going to shine, girl.

I've just had my initial interview with the Gender Centre today, got the psych booked and I can almost see the "letter" coming.

Susan's is an absolutely fantastic place for love and support. You'll love it here. Keep in touch and let us know how you are coping. In the meantime, be safe, well and happy

Lotsa luv
Catherine

Quote from: Julie Marie on November 03, 2011, 11:01:20 AM
One thing that is certain about the reaction of others on coming out is you never know until after the fact.  I've seen people I or a friend was certain they would walk out of our life only to have them be totally cool and supportive.  And I've seen people we're sure will be there walk right out of our life and never speak to us again.  You never know.
Prepare for the worst, hope for the best.

Julie; You are absolutely right on the money. It's impossible to know where the collateral damage will come from or the price to fix it, if at all. You have obviously survived and moved on from it. All the better for you.

Be safe, well and happy
Lotsa luv
Catherine

Quote from: amanda barber on November 03, 2011, 10:48:14 AM
concentrate on your girlfriend, fully coming out to her.
Honestly tell her where the journey might end. Don't tell her it will always be just this but never HRT "I promise", or never full time, or definately no SRS.
You might not know yourself where it will lead, tell her you don't know.

Hopefully the two of you can tell your family together.

When I do come out to her, it's going to be everything, including grs being the goal. I'm sure once I start therapy this will be a topic of discussion if it hasn't happened yet.