Every day it gets a little bit harder for me. I do want to transition. But every day I see that it's not so cut and dry. There are so many things I have to overcome. I live with my family. When my fiancee stays over, we aren't allowed to hold hands if we are walking in the neighborhood since my mom is scared that we will somehow get kicked out of the community (We don't own. We rent and we live in an area where all you see is seniors with very conservative values. One told me once that we should bomb the middle east and get over with them...Not saying that's how every elderly person sees the world here but my mom doesn't want to risk it. And I understand why. I still hate having to hide when we are outside but whatever.) Anyway, why I bring up the issue over where we live is because I walk my dog. They see me as female. People stay to themselves but I'm sure they'd notice a guy now walking that dog.

Another issue I have is my little sister. I'm scared of how this is going to affect her. I feel like my mom (Even though she is open minded and what not) will try and "protect" her mind or something like that. Maybe I'm not giving my mom enough credit. IDK. They already don't really like me kissing my fiancee in front of her. It kind of hurts. Hell, it hurts a lot.

Those are random things that scare me sort of. Another one, and the main issue of this topic is letting go of the label lesbian. I guess I've considered myself part of this community so long it feels like I'd be losing something. And I still feel so strongly about gay rights. I will always feel strongly about these things. I guess it feels like I'd be losing this. I don't know how to explain it. I'm just curious if anyone has ever felt like this.

Quote from: Nick on November 01, 2011, 12:21:18 PM
Every day it gets a little bit harder for me. I do want to transition. But every day I see that it's not so cut and dry. There are so many things I have to overcome. I live with my family. When my fiancee stays over, we aren't allowed to hold hands if we are walking in the neighborhood since my mom is scared that we will somehow get kicked out of the community (We don't own. We rent and we live in an area where all you see is seniors with very conservative values. One told me once that we should bomb the middle east and get over with them...Not saying that's how every elderly person sees the world here but my mom doesn't want to risk it. And I understand why. I still hate having to hide when we are outside but whatever.) Anyway, why I bring up the issue over where we live is because I walk my dog. They see me as female. People stay to themselves but I'm sure they'd notice a guy now walking that dog.

Another issue I have is my little sister. I'm scared of how this is going to affect her. I feel like my mom (Even though she is open minded and what not) will try and "protect" her mind or something like that. Maybe I'm not giving my mom enough credit. IDK. They already don't really like me kissing my fiancee in front of her. It kind of hurts. Hell, it hurts a lot.

Those are random things that scare me sort of. Another one, and the main issue of this topic is letting go of the label lesbian. I guess I've considered myself part of this community so long it feels like I'd be losing something. And I still feel so strongly about gay rights. I will always feel strongly about these things. I guess it feels like I'd be losing this. I don't know how to explain it. I'm just curious if anyone has ever felt like this.

well its not complitely the same but when I where a child I where dignosed and because of that got into a special school around special kids with dignoses of diffrent kinds.
after many years past and I grew up, transdition and so on, I moved to a normal school for normal people and started to hang around people who wasnt dignosed. I felt kinda scared but I notice they wasnt that diffrence, and for some time I began questionate my dignose, specially because the comunety I was in didnt really wanted me so much again now when I turned "all normal"

as I started on my new school I felt wierd, because I feel very much like the normal people,
I didnt even feel so abnormal again, I never really felt as I was much of a steryotype to what I got dignosed, and my dignosed was also kinda messed up, I think I should have been dignosed transgender as a kid, I talked it with some people and it seamed logical because as young I had problems who where related to the fact of me being trans, ex very aggresive, and not being social with others. (+ i wasnt the only transgender person there who got the dignose so I bet it could be so)

anyway talked with a guy about it he said, if I didnt feel like my dignose i had been giving from a childhood fits me, and if I felt I got it as a mistake then I should just trew it out and be like anyone ells..
yet I still got my dignose and havent all made up my mind about it,
I am not really a part of the comunety anymore but still there sorta like famely to me because I grew up around these people and had my experience there and knowlegde, I know by cutting of the dignose I also cut of to be one of them, in some ways which makes me sad.

but I really think the guy was right, if it dosent fit me / or fit you then you dont need it,
however I think you can still be a great suporter, and there always awsome.

No trouble letting go of that label, cause I never liked it. But it can be surreal to become an ordinary "straight" dude after many years of being one of those masculine f-males. Just one of many things we learn to deal with if we transition. No need to give up LGBTQ community. We just have a different letter.

I'm a walker, also...in a small secluded neighborhood. Was nervous about that, but now it's kinda funny.  I have literally transformed into a different person right in front of neighbors who continue to wave and say hello. Puzzled look once in awhile, but no problems so far.
One thing I have learned on a deeper level with transition is that there actually are people in this world who value other human beings, and you really can't judge a book by it's cover. It's healing to run into that while doing all the difficult stuff we have to do to make these changes.

Of course, be careful.

Public display of affection was not cool with my family (and other families from the same upbringing). Does not matter if it's a boy & girl or a same sex couple. So I don't really understand the need to do this in front of others.

Thanks! I guess what you said kinda hit the nail on the head. It's just weird going from the gay community to being a STRAIGHT male. I know it's wrong but I associate being straight with being narrow-minded! Which in itself is narrow minded! I know it's wrong but in ways it feels like I won't be a part of the same community. It's not really letting to of the lesbian label, it's grabbing hold of the straight one that is weird to me.

Nick, you don't really have to wear any label if you don't want to.

I think of myself as straight by technicality.
Connection to the gay community is not severed.

Am fortunate to have straight cis friends who are anything but narrow minded.
Their support has meant the world to me. Lots of people like that at the last few Pride events I went to, as well.
Look around, you might see some ok examples. How about Cher? 

Quote from: Nick on November 01, 2011, 05:10:51 PM
Thanks! I guess what you said kinda hit the nail on the head. It's just weird going from the gay community to being a STRAIGHT male. I know it's wrong but I associate being straight with being narrow-minded! Which in itself is narrow minded! I know it's wrong but in ways it feels like I won't be a part of the same community. It's not really letting to of the lesbian label, it's grabbing hold of the straight one that is weird to me.

I know what you mean, I am bisexual and so far prefering a gay relationship with a guy than with a straight girl,

being normal somehow seams scary XD

Quote from: Natkat on November 01, 2011, 06:03:14 PM
I know what you mean, I am bisexual and so far prefering a gay relationship with a guy than with a straight girl,

being normal somehow seams scary XD

Lol yeah pretty much. It's scary/weird but also exciting. But I still only feel attracted to women. Which is a good thing considering i'm engaged to one XD
I am a straight male...YAY! lol Saying it helps!

i had a hard time letting go of the lesbian label because for years the lesbian community was my home! and it was a damn fun home!

Quote from: Jude on November 03, 2011, 10:19:04 AM
i had a hard time letting go of the lesbian label because for years the lesbian community was my home! and it was a damn fun home!

I'm glad to see I'm not alone in experiencing this It's definitely an amazing community

Seems to me (and most others) that every privilege comes with some price too.

An MtF is called a ->-bleeped-<-, and FtM is called a (butch) lesbian.

The privilege for FtM is that really no one will give much of a dam if you dress in male attire, quite to the contrary - the situation with MtF being quickly labelled "a chick with a dick" or "a man in women's dress".

Be grateful that this is not EVER going to happen to you folk. Have you ever been labelled a "Boy with a vagina"?

I never heard that ever - so before you find it too hard getting rid of the lesbian label just remember what I told you here now.

It could be worse, may just be good to know.

Thoughtful...
Axelle

Is the fear of letting go of the lesbian label related to a fear you may be rejected by the lesbian community?  I've known a lot of lesbians and was very close to one in particular.  What I've learned is there's an awful lot of lesbians who present so male you can't help but see them as trans.  But they will defend to the death they are not.  According to my lesbian friends, that's because they will be rejected if they identify as trans.

Julie and I went on a lesbian cruise a few years back.  Some of the girls were men.  Period.  No doubt about it.  Yet they too refused to identify as trans.  One even had a mustache.  Yeah, she was lesbian too.

I know for a fact transphobia exists in both the lesbian and gay communities.  I have seen it and both lesbians and gays have told me.  One gay guy told me many gays hate trans people and he used to be one of them until he got to know me. 

The things you learn.

It isn't fear of rejection. It's just that it is who I was for such a long time. It's never been about other people. It's about myself. I feel like I will be changing so much with the testosterone, physically anyway and this just felt like another big change. I just had a fear of losing myself. When in fact I'm finding myself

Quotethere's an awful lot of lesbians who present so male you can't help but see them as trans.  But they will defend to the death they are not.  According to my lesbian friends, that's because they will be rejected if they identify as trans.

That could be true in some cases, but some of the manliest people in the world identify as women.
The thought of having male parts would be a complete turnoff. This is where I was confused for many years...I thought I saw people just like me. But they were not. I still have some of these friends and we've talked about this...they are supportive, but don't share feelings of disgust about their female parts or a desire to look in the mirror and see a dude on the outside to match the one on the inside.


I have fear of rejection, but it seems to be pretty equal across the board, not just among one group.