Not sure what to do. I am mtf, family has told me they would love me no matter what happens in my life. However I asked about going out in public in skirts/dresses, etc. They told me they would be very uncomfortable being with me if I am wearing a skirt in public. I can't take living a double life. Im supposed to be their son and yet i am in my own time a women and want to be myself. What am I supposed to do? Someone please help me. Thanks

Quote from: lindsey26 on November 05, 2011, 02:56:42 AM
Not sure what to do. I am mtf, family has told me they would love me no matter what happens in my life. However I asked about going out in public in skirts/dresses, etc. They told me they would be very uncomfortable being with me if I am wearing a skirt in public. I can't take living a double life. Im supposed to be their son and yet i am in my own time a women and want to be myself. What am I supposed to do? Someone please help me. Thanks

Well, if you asked the question theoretically without the context of presenting female, then a certain degree of uncomfortability is understandable. I don't know whether you told them about that you're trans or not, but if this is your way of testing the water before coming out, well, I don't think it'd be a good indicator of their feelings. I would find another way - the love you no matter what thing is often true, but do assess the risks if you want to tell them directly. How much might you lose? Is it a reasonable risk? Don't let fear stop you - but be cautious.

On the other hand, if they know you're trans and are uncomfortable with you presenting as female, then perhaps some counselling would help. Or just time - time to get used to the idea, seeing you around the house, and generally living your life. They may become proud of you... and they would be not in the least bit uncomfortable being with you. I pray that's the case.

Are your family comfortable with you being out without them?   
Perhaps you could start by more gender neutral clothes that a lot of girls wear a lot of the time anyway.  Jeans, sweatshirts, that sort of thing, until they get more comfortable with the idea?

Karen.

They know I am trans but the only fem thing they have seen me wear are pink long sleeve t-shirts and a 2 pair of pink pajama pants never in skirts/dresses. I don't think they seem to understand what is really happening, think they think this is just a phase but I live on my own and they rarely see me. Just really hate not being able to be completely me. Thank you for trying to help.

They know but they are more comfortable with me if I am in kaki pants, long sleeve t-shirts and pink or purple sweatshirts and i knew risking skirts was putting myself out there but I was hoping they would be a little more accepting but I guess their not. I do wear neutral clothes normally when I am with them. Thank you for trying to help!

Quote from: lindsey26 on November 05, 2011, 03:09:36 AM
They know I am trans but the only fem thing they have seen me wear are pink long sleeve t-shirts and a 2 pair of pink pajama pants never in skirts/dresses. I don't think they seem to understand what is really happening, think they think this is just a phase but I live on my own and they rarely see me. Just really hate not being able to be completely me. Thank you for trying to help.

  You have to do what is right for you lindsey & you have to realize that you might lose some family along the way. This is hard for any non trans person to understand. Yeah my family thought it was just a "phase" to, best thing you can do is give them some information about being transgender and see what happens, don't push it to hard just enough to get them thinking.

   Just remember in the end it's your life not theirs, you deserve to be happy too.

Quote from: lindsey26 on November 05, 2011, 03:09:36 AM
They know I am trans but the only fem thing they have seen me wear are pink long sleeve t-shirts and a 2 pair of pink pajama pants never in skirts/dresses. I don't think they seem to understand what is really happening, think they think this is just a phase but I live on my own and they rarely see me. Just really hate not being able to be completely me. Thank you for trying to help.

Oh. How long ago did you tell them? There's almost always a bit of a denial phase for them... it can be a long process, because they have to grieve and all. You could offer some reference material, if they genuinely want to know more. They said they loved you no matter what, so, they're just worried for what's best for you.

... It took me fourish years for my mom to accept me with pride. It feels like a similar circumstance - for a while she kind of ignored it, but as time went on, my issues became more severe, and she had time to become accustomed to the idea.

Do what you will. I mean, they can't really stop you from being yourself - that would be a tragedy. But I would try and be supportive of them, too. They go through a tough time as well with having a trans kid. It's a shame we* don't always see that.
(*Referring to myself as a point of reference here.)

I hope it ends well for you.

Told them like 3 months ago about me being trans but only talked to them about wanting to dress differently yesterday and it did not go over well. They always want to take me out to eat but I don't want to have to pretend to be somebody im not when Im with them and I want to dress however I want but this is just very tough for me and them. I am trying my best to support them but feel like I am on my own except for my blood sister and she is totally supportive but parents are still holding out. Will try to get them books and information to help them along. Thank you all for trying to help me!

Quote from: lindsey26 on November 05, 2011, 03:41:08 AM
Told them like 3 months ago about me being trans but only talked to them about wanting to dress differently yesterday and it did not go over well. They always want to take me out to eat but I don't want to have to pretend to be somebody im not when Im with them and I want to dress however I want but this is just very tough for me and them. I am trying my best to support them but feel like I am on my own except for my blood sister and she is totally supportive but parents are still holding out. Will try to get them books and information to help them along. Thank you all for trying to help me!

Mhm. It's certainly going to take time... bravo if you can be patient with it, and help them along. If you can't... it's perfectly understandable. I am happy that I eventually got my mom's support, but for many (certainly myself in there), the desire to combat feelings of dysphoria outweighs most everything else. Whatever you do, just make sure you'll be proud of your choice.

I'm happy for you. And it's awesome to hear about your sister - sisters are the best. 

Out in my neck of the woods, it is quite common to see women dressed in jeans, T-shirts, and tennies.  In fact, I've taken to wearing women's Levi jeans and gender-ambiguous T-shirts even when presenting as male and nobody has ever called me on it or given me the tiniest stare...not even my own mother. (She doesn't know about my GID yet, although I think she suspects that *something* is up. I think she's been picking up on my chronic depression.)  As for underthings, well...I made that switch 100% quite a while back. I get to dress basically 100% feminine and yet it doesn't seem to attract unwanted attention in the male gender presentation, either. I don't feel like this is a compromise of my gender identity as this is how I would likely be inclined to dress anyway when being casual/running errands. Granted, I'd love to be able to throw on a cute skirt or blouse without giving it a second thought (ah, someday...hopefully sooner rather than later), but at least I am not totally without options.

The hair is more difficult, but I work in an industry where it is not uncommon for men to have long hair. I've tied my hair back in simple bands in every color of the rainbow and nobody has ever mentioned it. If anyone ever does, I figure I'll just shrug and say I must have grabbed my wife's band by mistake in the dark when I dressed that morning.

If you can start out nice and slow, like with a pair of women's Levi's (which are styled very similar to men's Levi's but have a more feminine fit), so they can see how "not-so-embarrassing-to-us-after-all" you look, you may be able to gradually feminize your appearance and wardrobe a little bit at a time as they become accustomed to it. One day, they'll wake up and realize you've been dressing in all women's clothes for quite a while and they hadn't even noticed. On the other hand, they may end up drawing a hard line in the sand where they say "this far and no further...or else!")  Then you have to make the tough decision of whether to honor that line or cross it, knowing what the consequences might be.

Of course, your circumstances and results may vary.