The title says it all.

I hear all the time how estrogen makes a lot of you girls cry more easily and how trans guys lost the ability to cry on T.
But all I can do is cry out these wimpy little tears for about 1 minute.

It just stresses me out.
It's obvious I'm depressed, my moms says she still sees it in my face around the house.

I can't even cry to feel better.
so what's wrong?

Yeah this is a good question. It took me a like a year before I had my first breakdown and cry for no reason.

I couldnt cry for many years. I think I had gathered so much sadness that I was afraid to start crying because when I did I had so extreme reactions. My hands got in to a cramp and I would almost faint. It was terrible and I was afraid of it.
E did help me a little but still I can mostly just cry a minute and than it´s over and I just feel empty. I´m still a bit scared of it even if the cramps dont seem to come anymore. But it actually can be trained. The brain doesent completely know the difference in real and "fake". I was quite ambivalent in all emotions but than I started studying acting and had to do different emotions and it had more effect than hormones.
When I had to give my dog away I cried for many hours. I now realize that she teached me to cry a real good cry. Oh my now I could cry just thinking of her...
I believe relaxing and breathing is the key to most things in life.
Good luck!

Quote from: BrokenCode on November 08, 2011, 04:14:59 PM
Yeah this is a good question. It took me a like a year before I had my first breakdown and cry for no reason.

that's sad.

I dunno, I feel like everyone's going to ignore this and not want to help because I'm not "supposed" to have problems since I'm passable.
As if all problems come from not passing.
I feel so un-welcomed to this site sometimes.

I'm getting so off topic.
why can't I cry, yo'

   Maybe your T levels are still high? I know that it takes a few months for your T & E levels to even out and stay in the female range.

  Idk maybe your still kinda in that guy mind set where you can't or don't wanna cry around people etc. I'm still like that sometimes especially around family i kinda hold back still.

   

QuoteIt just stresses me out.
It's obvious I'm depressed, my moms says she still sees it in my face around the house.

I can't even cry to feel better.

  I know it's stressful & crying does help to release all that built up depression but sometimes it really sucks...i mean like i'll start crying over the littest things now it's ridiculous.

   I even cry when i'm happy. 

Quote from: JoeyD on November 08, 2011, 04:18:14 PM
that's sad.

I dunno, I feel like everyone's going to ignore this and not want to help because I'm not "supposed" to have problems since I'm passable.
As if all problems come from not passing.
I feel so un-welcomed to this site sometimes.

I'm getting so off topic.
why can't I cry, yo'

Its ok your expressing out.

All can say because im still new to everything myself in this. I use to be ib ROTC before so I was so accustomed to hiding my true feelings. It took me a while to learn how to just let it go. I would watch sad movies and only shred a tear and thats it. But then one day I watched a sad video and I decided to just let go and I could nt stop crying after it.

One thing is I get more emotional every day.

Sorry if I mistype, im doing this via my phone.

I think this advise on letting go is often the key.
We have often so many freakin issues stressing us up and creating tension that our normal reactions (feelings) don´t come spontaneously.
If I refer to acting again. To learn acting is to open up all what has been suppressed during growing up and in life. Babies are born with enormous range in voice, emotions and spontaneity but it is worked off by the surroundings since it´s not proper to be loud, emotional or creative.
Let go the control. Easy to say, hard to do. All we can do is to try but if we do it usually gets better. And don´t be too hard on your self.

I wanted to mention this too. One of the things I do remember when getting use the hormones was uncontrollable laughter. There was one time that I almost had to go to the hospital because I couldn't stop for 30 minutes. I was laughing so hard I was crying too, so I don't know if that counts.lol

There may be a other psychological factors and not hormones behind it. If you never allowed yourself to cry before, hormones probably will not change much. For some people it takes a lot to get over that emotional hump. You are not alone for sure.

I used to cry constantly, pre-HRT. But that was the "realization" period. Now, I guess I've been so depressed and just angry that I haven't been able to cry much. Interestingly, this week has been full of tears. I don't know what happened... last month, I soaked myself by crying so much after I watched Lord of the Rings again. I was sobbing by the end of RotK. Garsh, I'm such a dork... XD

are you on antidepressants? i am, and they do the same. they make it very hard for me to do so. i've been having stresses in my life other than transsexual related, and i can't do it either.

Quote from: JoeyD on November 08, 2011, 04:18:14 PM
that's sad.
I dunno, I feel like everyone's going to ignore this and not want to help because I'm not "supposed" to have problems since I'm passable.
As if all problems come from not passing.
I feel so un-welcomed to this site sometimes.

I'm getting so off topic.
why can't I cry, yo'

Hi JoeyD,

Firstly, I'm so sorry you feel unwelcomed here. As far as I'm concerned you are much loved, appreciated and wanted here, like you wouldn't want to believe. Truly you are dear to us and an inspiration to many.

As for your question; I don't know.   I do know however the answer lies beyond hormones. It's a psychological / repression type of thing you are fighting.

Your statement "I feel like everyone going to ignore this and not want to help because I'm not "supposed" to have problems since I'm passable", has some clues in it. And I use that with all sincerity and respect, as I see you feel, or more to the point, you are anticipating rejection, through us ignoring you, and being"passable", unrealistically takes you beyond pain. So perhaps it has something to do with your expectations of yourself. Perhaps it's that silly male characteristic of "men don't cry""I'm too strong to fail" whatever, that is still lingering. And I say this with all respect and dignity for you. It's not a criticism.

Possible solutions. Many have been mentioned in previous threads. Personally I found 1) being alone with myself, safely away from any one else, 2) watching a sad movie like My Sisters Keeper , or Notebook; or reading some blogs here of members in similar situations. 3) Allowing myself or giving myself   - permission  -  to let go.

I related strongly to Colleen Ireland in "Believe in the Rainbow". I absolutely cried buckets for 2 days while I read that. It got to the point I ran out of tears, but that didn't stop me from crying.    -    Crying is as therapeutic as laughing    -    And it is controllable, to a degree. Any sad movie I can easily do half a family box of tissues without a problem. Yet, last time I went to the movies with my wife, I had to controll myself so as not to embarrass her. Still did over a dozen tissues.

Relax -  and give yourself permission, to let go.

If you can do a few, as you said, you are nearly there.   -    Do it in private;  -    give yourself permission, and just let go.      -      You'll feel absolutly exhausted at the end of it, but, Oh so well.   -   You are like a dam, at the moment. Visualise a dam, full to the brim. Now,  break down the dam wall and let all the water out.   -   You can do it. I know you can. You are safe  -  and well  -  and we are here for you.

Be the great woman you are. Warts and all. We have them all. Everyone of us.

Just as a matter of interest, how well do you laugh? Is that too, a struggle?

Hope this has helped. We love you. Be safe, well and happy
Lotsa luv
Catherine

I can't cry either. I'm not on HRT yet, but both my sister and my mother very rarely cry. We have emotional deficiency in the family, I guess.

Anyway, there's not necessarily something wrong. Some people just don't express their feeling as much, or not in the same ways.

It's not abnormal. I'd love to cry more when I'm sad too, but it's not the end of the world.

I won't ignore you, crying can be hard.

Tell us, what seems to be the problem?

Quote from: JoanneB on November 08, 2011, 06:41:55 PM
There may be a other psychological factors and not hormones behind it. If you never allowed yourself to cry before, hormones probably will not change much. For some people it takes a lot to get over that emotional hump. You are not alone for sure.

I would agree with this.  If you've held a lot in over the years it  might take something to sort of work it out.   This might sound stupid but have you thought of trying to cry about something emotional that isn't so deep inside.  Sort of work on it a bit.   Sometimes our internal protections have it clamped down tight.

No tears here either. 

I'm on max dosages of Estradiol and Spiro after 1.5 years... and nothing. Every time I visit my psychologist, she asks if the random tears have started yet... when I keep saying "Nope"... she looks really puzzled. The closest I've come was near the end of Legends of the Fall with Brad Pitt... but I managed to hold it together. 

I'm not an emotional person in general either. Something has to be really funny to make me laugh as well.

Well, I don't know yet what effect HRT will have on me in that respect, but I spent most of my life holding back the tears because "boys don't cry".  Once I accepted my GID and allowed myself to start experiencing my more feminine feelings I *still* found it hard to cry.  These days, I sometimes get so depressed that I'm just too emotionally drained to cry, but once I get going it can be *really* hard to stop.  Sometimes I feel like I have this huge backlog of tears built up over the years and that if I can break the logjam I will not be able to stop for a week.

I suspect part of it could be hormonal (or otherwise biological), part of it could be years of not letting yourself cry, and part of it might be the depression actually making it harder to cry even though you might really need to.

A counselor/therapist might be able to provide better insight.

I don't think it's only HRT...

Maybe you could watch more movies or something? I'm pre-HRT and I cry way too often watching movies 

Just gonna update that I'm still alive.

Emma: I feel better now, but I don't wanna talk about what was bugging me out.
It's a little too personal and had nothing to do with transitioning or anything.
Thanks for being kind though <3

Thanks to everyone, actually.
For commenting on my thread when I thought no one would.

I do have a hard time crying, I thought the estrogen would loosen me up.
I had a nice cry once I told my boyfriend about it though, I feel lame depending on him as an outlet for my feelings.

When I cried, I broke out with red dots under my eyes.
I don't think that's healthy.
My mom said they were broken blood vessels X:
that's never happened before.

Joey, I can see the sadness in your eyes. Sowwiez.