I have some in common with toxicblue.
Every place for hundreds of miles is conservative. I also don't know even one person who would support me either during or after a transition. I also don't have the money for any kind of transition. Probably never will, either.
Aside from the above, I guess my fear is the opposite of toxicblue's. Imagine a basketball game where you're 2 points ahead but an opponent gets a 3-pointer through the net with 1 second left in the fourth quarter (or second half). I would fear investing so much energy, time, and money and being sad it isn't enough. I really want it all, but I can't body swap with a FtM, nor can I go back in time to be different or take over a body like an alien from another planet.
In some way I think of myself as a girl and yearn for it multiple times a day every single day for well over a decade. I don't have to choose to think about it; it happens by itself as well as when I choose it. A slight change to my birth name makes it a girl's name, albeit one I'm not that crazy about. But when I bought something girly through the big online auction site, the package was addressed using the female name instead of my birth/legal name. That was almost as thrilling as what was inside. I just love being referred to as a girl, even if it's an accident and I can't say that I liked it. Of course it happens much more online because I always sign up as a girl if I possibly can.