Why do I keep getting miss-gendered? My chest was flat, I had on all male clothes and jacket. I bought rogaine for men when I got miss-gendered. This is killing me! I'm just about 9 months on T. This is ridiculous! I just wanna cut myself up. I can't take being miss-gendered anymore. How long is it gunna take until I pass??? 10 f****ing years??!!!!

Do I look male or female here? This is what I wore when I got miss-gendered. I just took this pic. My height is the only thing I can think of... but then again there are tons of short cis guys, do they all get miss-gendered??? What is it about me that looks female??? I'm just so upset.

I'll be honest. If I didn't see you on this website, I wouldn't have thought you are trans. You don't look trans at all. I wouldn't have thought you were born a female.
That being said, I have something to say about  the cutting.
I know someone who does this, or rather, used to do this. It was an addiction basically and it hurt everyone around them when they would do this. I love this person and every time they showed me, it would kill me. It's so painful to see. Cutting solves nothing. And this ONE person isn't worth leaving a scar on your body for. Trust me on this. I know it has to suck a lot. I know it hurts. But this isn't worth it.
I know this probably doesn't help too much but please think twice before hurting yourself.

I don't know how you were misgendered because you look 100% male to me.  Was it a man or a woman who misgendered you?  I don't know why, but I've found that ciswomen misgender me far more often than anyone else.  And I agree - please don't hurt yourself.  I know how painful it is to be knocked down by being misgendered, but you look 100% male to more than one of us and I'm sure there are heaps of folks out there who agree.

Quote from: Nick on November 09, 2011, 06:33:26 PM
I'll be honest. If I didn't see you on this website, I wouldn't have thought you are trans. You don't look trans at all. I wouldn't have thought you were born a female.
That being said, I have something to say about  the cutting.
I know someone who does this, or rather, used to do this. It was an addiction basically and it hurt everyone around them when they would do this. I love this person and every time they showed me, it would kill me. It's so painful to see. Cutting solves nothing. And this ONE person isn't worth leaving a scar on your body for. Trust me on this. I know it has to suck a lot. I know it hurts. But this isn't worth it.
I know this probably doesn't help too much but please think twice before hurting yourself.

Thanks Nick.

I started cutting myself when I was about 15 or 16 years old... I'll be 30 in Dec.  I've been doing well so far. It's been a few months since my last cutting. But different stuff stirs it up again, like being misgendered. I don't want to cut, but I don't know any other way to make myself feel better.  I've tried everything, nothing works.

Quote from: Kreuzfidel on November 09, 2011, 06:49:28 PM
I don't know how you were misgendered because you look 100% male to me.  Was it a man or a woman who misgendered you?  I don't know why, but I've found that ciswomen misgender me far more often than anyone else.  And I agree - please don't hurt yourself.  I know how painful it is to be knocked down by being misgendered, but you look 100% male to more than one of us and I'm sure there are heaps of folks out there who agree.

Thanks Kreuzfidel. 🙂 It was an older women, maybe in her mid 60's?


"but I've found that ciswomen misgender me far more often than anyone else."

Really? I wonder why? That sucks. I'm sorry. You look 100% male to me in your pic.

I'm gunna try not to cut. But I just get so upset I don't know what to do, and cutting myself always makes me feel better. But then I feel guilty afterwards b/c I know God doesn't want me to do that.

I'm so happy you haven't done it in months! You're on the right track. As hard as it is, you just have to distract yourself until this feeling passes. Maybe get yourself a punching bag and some gloves and hey, in the process you'll get some nice muscles! And no more scars 🙂

@Nick: That would be a good idea if I had some money, but unfortunately I'm broke. Nice muscles would be great! 🙂

Then, push ups! Jumping jacks! Sit ups! Jogging. Release the stress through exercise. In return you'll get a better body and again, you will overcome this bump in the road 🙂 Or do just what you did right now. Write! Write everything in a journal. Keep track of your emotions and things that have happened. Once you write things out, I honestly feel like it's a sort of release. Hopefully you can try these things. And regardless, be proud of what you've done so far!

Did she definitely misgender you? I get pissy sometimes when someone calls me 'love', or similar, because I take it as a feminine term, but then sometimes I hear them say it to a tattooed hairy thirty year old guy behind me, so who knows. I really can't see it, bro. The way you carry yourself maybe? Your voice?
As for the cutting, find someone to promise that you won't do it, and who can tell if you do. That's how I managed to stop. I substituted it with burning and punching myself (sounds stupid) for a while, but eventually the need to went away. It definitely helped knowing I'd be letting someone else down by doing it again. So... promise us!

I don't see it at all. You look 100% male to me.

I understand the cutting thing, all too well. I started early too, I was probably 11-12 and I still fight it off almost constantly. If you want someone else to vent to, feel free, man. Its so hard to care about a body you don't want, I'm there too, though.

@Nick: Thanks Nick. 🙂 I've tried exercise and writing in journals... doesn't work for me. I wish it did though. \

@Solobear: Yep, she called me ma'm. It killed me. I was almost gunna say  to her I'm a guy, but I got nervous cause there was a guy behind me and and I didn't want to make the lady feel bad for mis-gendering me. I don't think I have anything feminine mannerism to me. I think my voice passes. Other people say it does.

As for the cutting, I can't promise anyone b/c I have slip ups and everything in my life is a major trigger to cutting.Weight is big trigger to my cutting, the way I look... I could defiantly loose 100 pounds. Well, I'm exaggerating, but I need to loose a lot of weight.  I gained weight on T and it bothers me very much. My face is so fat. I hate it and that triggers me to cut.

I just made a short video clip of my voice and how I look. If anyone can tell me if I look male or female in the video, or if my voice passes or not. I'm probably not gunna keep this video up for long as I am very self conscious about the way I look. I just wanna know if you guys can see how I got mis-gendered. Is there anything feminine about me?

🔗


@N.Chaos: Thanks. 🙂 Same here. Yeah, the urges are hard to ignore sometimes.

Video is private. Can't see it.

Maybe it's mannerism?
From seeing your pic, you totally pass to me.

Thanks Sharky. I don't think it's my mannerism, at least I hope not. My cousins told me I don't have a mannerism that's feminine.

Says private still. You have to make it public or link only in the settings.
But you totally pass in the thumbnail.

@Sharky: Thanks. How do I do it without making it public? I'm not sure what you mean by settings, youtube settings?

In the upper right hand corner of the screen you should see your name. Click it.
Click my videos
Edit info
Under broadcasting and sharing options you should see privacy settings.

@Sharky: Thanks. I made it unlisted. Hope it works.

It works and you completely pass to me. It doesn't sound like your voice has fully dropped yet, I would assume you were in your late teens.

Dude what even?! She must have needed glasses or something because you in no way look female. And judging by your video you just sound like a young dude or a dude with a slightly higher voice. But seriously, zero female.

I know how you feel though. Ma'am just really bothers me sometimes. Even if I were female I'd hate people to call me ma'am. Seems like what you call an old lady to me. But I've been there - totally male clothing, no female mannerisms, no tits, and people still ma'am me. I chalked it up to height. I could even see someone making a mistake if I happen to be rocking the longer hair. And it seems to happen more often with older people than it does with younger people. I still am mystified what "gender clues" these people are picking up on to make the ma'am determination.

On occasion I have just looked at them funny and said something like, "Um, I'm NOT a ma'am".

If it helps any, some friends of mine (some cis-folks), get misgendered a lot too, especially by older women. I don't think it has anything to do with you not passing – you're all male, voice included.  As insideontheoutside said, it might be the longer hair. From my experience, people tend to look at hair to indicate someone's gender, especially folks who haven't grown up in an era with shaggy-haired men or short-haired women.

You look and sound 100% male to me. I've mentioned this before and I will again in the hopes that it makes you feel better, but I have a friend in the death metal scene who has long curly blond hair. He's also one of the manliest men I've ever met, and he gets misgendered a lot, even though from his face, voice and mannerisms you can easily tell he's male. For all you know it could have just been her catching an odd angle on you (could happen to anyone) and running with it. 🙂