Ever since I started accepting being FTM I've felt happier but at the same time I feel even more overwhelmed. Before accepting myself I didn't have to think about getting on T, getting a binder, going to a therapist, getting surgery, having my name changed, etc.
I'm a university student and I should be focusing on my classes but I'm just not. Don't get me wrong, I am getting A's and B's but lately it's just been constant procrastination and getting overwhelmed because all I can focus on is transitioning. Even though I'm quite a bit away from even touching T. Another thing that plays into this is the plain 'ol fact that I HATE my classes. I was a history student and so me being the genius I am, took 3 upper level history classes this semester. Wait, I'm not done. Two of them are the WORST history classes you can take because they are boring, no one wants to take them, but we are forced to take them because they are required for the major. I have switched my major over but I just hate these classes and don't really care anymore. I won't fail them, and I'll probably end up with mostly A's but I feel depressed. Like this all sucks and I just want this semester to be over. And again, my thoughts are consumed by being FTM.

I just wanted to know if anyone else felt this way at one point

     Yeah except i'm the opposite being MTF. I try not to let it run my life but that's easier said then done especially if you're still early on in your transition. From what i hear it gets better over time (god i hope so = /) once you get through the hard stuff. I guess all i can say is don't let it consume your life, go out see a movie with your gf, hang out with some friends just do something to get your mind off it.


    Hang in there Nick! - xo

same i feel like the only problems i have are ftm problems it just pisses me off that this can consume my life.

That's just it, it feels like I shouldn't even call it transition since I haven't gone to see a therapist yet. I should but school has gotten overwhelming with all the papers I have to write and I don't know how to take the time to go make an appointment with the psychological services at school. I wish I just knew when everything was gonna start. This type of feeling makes me wonder whether or not transitioning is even worth it. (I know I want it but I guess today is just one of those days where the world seems crappy)

Quote from: anibioman on November 08, 2011, 06:19:10 PM
same i feel like the only problems i have are ftm problems it just pisses me off that this can consume my life.

Yeah, it's like all we do is think about this and want this transition and want everything to come already. I hate when people say "You need to take your time with things and figure things out. You need to give yourself time." As if we haven't spent our entire life wanting this. And once we accept it, like we don't spend every waking moment contemplating all the different ways it will change our life.  It's just aggravating

I don't think it's consuming my life just yet, but it has changed my priorities a lot. It has given my life a new main focus, and also a sense of urgency. I always think about the time I'm wasting when I'm sitting in the closet and stuff, when I could be on my way to being transitioned. I have to think a lot more about things, on top of the usual stuff.

I do think that if this goes on for another couple of years, it does have the ability to consume who I am and everything. Because some day I know I'm going to wake up and be sick of dealing with this.

Sometimes I feel that way, too.  I am an individual prone to anxiety and slight obsession about problems anyway so that doesn't help.  But when I start getting overwhelmed, I focus on other things like family, etc.  Problem is that there are reminders everywhere - guys I know are already on T, I go to the pub just to end up withdrawing because I hate to talk and give myself away with my voice, and so on.  It's sometimes a catch-22.  To stop focusing on transition worry, I have to do other things, but everything I do just ends up reminding me that I'm stuck in a warped body.

Exactly how I feel. I keep my GPA at 3.5 at the lowest. I keep switching my major, could have graduated by now. But it has come the point where I just can't focus anymore. This semester I was taking 6 classes. All but one was accelerated. I just couldn't take it anymore so I dropped all the classes that started a couple weeks ago. I got a full refund, but still. I've never dropped a class before. I hate how consumed I have become. I get extremely overwhelmed. I'm not sure if I'm starting T at my next appointment or the one after, but I just couldn't wait anymore. I'm not in the best position to start, but I had to do something. Even thought this will bring new problems to deal with, I'm just going to jump in with both feet anyway.

It consumes my life differently. I am forced to educate People on trans issues. I'm forced to defend my gender. I have to keep defending myself, and for me it's emotionally draining.

Lol, well you're doing way better than me.

I can totally relate to you here.  My life used to be obsessed with school.  It was all I had to focus on.  Now that I've decided to transition, I've been trying to find a therapist and a doctor, and I've joined several support groups.  And I've gotten really busy.  and this is the first time that I think I might fail all my classes this quarter.  Actually I might just drop them all at the last minute.  Basically, school just became secondary to me.

I seem to be the odd one out here. In the beginning, that was somewhat the case. As soon as I noticed what I was doing, I knew I had to just everything and take some time to figure out my priorities. There's a lot of other crap going on in my life, like not going homeless (again), staying alive until I can get health insurance, my spinal injury and walking normally again one day, my mother's health, new and interesting allergies (so many food allergies ;_;!), and a lot of other crap I'd rather not speak of.

In my personal opinion, all of this is way more important than transitioning and this is what I gotta focus on before I start to focus more on transition. I'm trying to socially pass, and that's enough for me for now. When things get me down, I just remember that I at least have the opportunity to do this. For me, this is easy. I've always had a crappy life, so anything good going on and my religion have always had to keep me going. So far, it works and I've ended up being a happy person. Hope someone else can relate, cuz now I feel guilty ;_;.

pretty much felt so the whole school time I got on, I have had so much thought about trandition that it have tired me out to think about other stuff,

my sensei told me to I need to focus more on school work and so, but to be honest its hard when you got so many things going on,

I see it in a positive side that I been working really hard but soon I can relax,
theres a Japanese phase saying work hard for 3 years and you will get paid, which I kinda work out from.

I never completed my HSC or got my ATAR because wearing a binder during college made me very very sick and I missed more than 2/3 of my time at school. Even now coming up to Christmas and the heat of another Aussie summer, I'm worried it will happen again and I'll lose my job.

Kinda feels like being trans is ruining my life, but at the same time it's who I am and I can't change it no matter how hard I try. Just have to grin and bare it.

Like others have said, I do feel that in a way it takes up so much of my already limited free time. It's crazy because I have forced myself to be focused on school, work, and social connections in order to not think about who I am. Now that I am taking the steps to start, it is always a thought in the back of my mind. I can honestly say it has certainly harmed my goal of having my historiography paper finished by Thanksgiving break. -_-

But I think that no matter how you identify, that identity will always be a very large part of your life.

Transition is actually more of a secondary priority to me. Yes, I want to. At one point, I was on that track. Then I moved and now, I barely have money to pay rent, so doing anything else with it is a big no-no. I still get dysphoria on a daily basis but it's not the focus of my day.

yep, I was consumed by it untill about 6 months on T, before then everything I thought about found a way to connect to my gender.  But now that I am a bit over a year on T I hardly think about it.

to a certain extent, yeah. Its a weird kind of thing for me though.

I lose sleep sometimes because I can feel my chest moving, get all disgusted with myself.  It takes me forever to get dressed and go out, if I don't just cancel all together and spend the night/day/month on the couch sobbing. I want top surgery more than anything, and I know it'll probably always be a lifetime away.

At the same time, its been surprisingly...beneficial. I've found out who was my true family and friends, and who was just kinda there. Since I've came out and started living male, I've gotten some of my best work done (especially in my songwriting and paintings). Its a horribly painful thing, (to me) an ugly thing, but I'm glad I can at least get something out of it.

We actually had a huge talk about this in my support group. It's like the phase we all go through and over time, it lessens.
I know right now? Top surgery feels like it will take YEARS. Like, that I'll never be able to afford it.
However, I have set myself a goal and I have full intents to keep it. If I have to take out a medical loan? So be it.
I also need my name changed.

However, living my life and helping to support other struggling youth has become a top priority for me. I have watched too many transguys like myself pushed to the edge and not have the will to step back.
So GSA has become my new religion, so to speak, I attend it regularly- even though I do not go to the college I attend- I support with donations and my constant presence. I am also going to be a guest speaker at the school to help advocate for transgender rights and I've already been invited to multiple panels by my therapist to work as a supporter and teacher on being trans.